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Some suggestions
What is a theocracy in a democratic garb to do when the majority is wise to its charades?

January 26, 2004
The Iranian

The "constitutional crisis" in the Islamic Republic has entered its second week with no apparent end in sight. Eighthly or so incumbent members of the Islamic Consultative Assembly (Majlis) have been disqualified for various reasons, including having weak faith. To register their outrage, they are fasting, praying and have staged a literal sit in on the Persian carpeted floor of the hallway of the assembly -- in the absence of supporters, they are staring at their shoes which they have been hygienic enough to take off.

The almost unanimous prediction of the pundits is that the February "elections" will be, to say the least, lackluster. The general population has had it up to its eyeballs with the regime's ploys and wants nothing to do with any and all that is somehow related to it.  What is a theocracy in a democratic garb to do when the majority is wise to its charades?  First and foremost, it should not despair nor panic. Some suggestions.

1- The Expediency Council or Guardian Council, or for that matter any of the gazillions of very Islamic Councils, including Tehran'S Islamic Municipality Council, can announce a new interpretation of the month of Moharram: as the month in which voting is blasphemous.  And since it so happens that this coming elections will be smack in the middle of Moharram, problem solved.  
2- Have the Rafsanjani clan take an extended working vacation abroad. Overseeing their holdings in South Africa, Australia, Austria, England, Canada, Indonesia and China, amongst others, will keep them all busy for a while, meantime, condition their continued absence on a massive voter turnout. Have many more than usual number of ballot boxes on hand, they will be needed.

3- Cancel the voting and just instruct the Larijani Network to show a rerun of the last "presidential elections". That way, the big three European foreign ministers will get what they need and that is what the whole "election" is all about anyway. As for the internal reaction, few Iranian believe what they see on the Larijani anyhow.

4- The personal full time welcoming crowd of the Velayat brigade that precedes his travels in a reported convoy of 600 buses, can be creatively utilized to vote many times, it is not like that they haven't done it before.

5- The new 250 million dollar German contract to upgrade Tehran sewer is not going to do it. More of the preferential oil deals are in order, ask Rafsis before their departure to see if any is left from their previous fire sales, don't count on it though.

6- Since the Dear Leader Ayatollah Seyed Ali Khamenei, Ayatullirus Maximus for short, declared during his Qazvin speech that he is anointed by the almighty; he can now likewise declare that in the latest audience with the Creator, he has been instructed to tell the flock: no voting for you!

7- Shold the flock not heed to the above that would mean the jig is up; the Maximus should immediately pack his necessities and depart the scene before it is too late.  Hermann Goering waited too long, his necessities were confiscated and had to detoxify in an American jail. As a precaution, the reported 25 million dollar remodeling of the recently purchased personal plane of the Sultan of Brunei (a 125 million dollar velayat plane) should be expedited ASAP.

8- In an outside chance that you have finally realized that it is a dead regime walking, allow an internationally administered national referendum on the nature of the majority desired system. An immunity guarantee from prosecution for the past deeds is your only salvation, don't tempt fate. >>> News & politics forum

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By Shahriar Zangeneh


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