What is a theocracy
in a democratic garb to do when the majority is wise to its charades?
January 26, 2004
The "constitutional crisis" in the Islamic
Republic has entered its second week with no apparent end in sight.
Eighthly or so incumbent members of the Islamic Consultative Assembly
(Majlis) have been disqualified for various reasons, including
having weak faith. To register their outrage, they are fasting,
praying and have staged a literal sit in on the Persian carpeted
floor of the hallway of the assembly -- in the absence of supporters,
they are staring at their shoes which they have been hygienic enough
to take off.
The almost unanimous prediction of the pundits is
that the February "elections" will be, to say the least,
lackluster. The general population has had it up to its eyeballs
with the regime's ploys and wants nothing to do with any
and all that is somehow related to it. What is a theocracy
in a democratic garb to do when the majority is wise to its charades? First
and foremost, it should not despair nor panic. Some suggestions.
1- The Expediency Council or Guardian Council, or for that matter
any of the gazillions of very Islamic Councils, including Tehran'S
Islamic Municipality Council, can announce a new interpretation
of the month of Moharram: as the month in which voting is
blasphemous. And since it so happens that this coming elections
will be smack in the middle of Moharram, problem solved.
2- Have the Rafsanjani clan take an extended working vacation abroad.
Overseeing their holdings in South Africa, Australia, Austria,
England, Canada, Indonesia and China, amongst others, will keep
them all busy for a while, meantime, condition their continued
absence on a massive voter turnout. Have many more than usual number
of ballot boxes on hand, they will be needed.
3- Cancel the voting and just instruct the Larijani Network to
show a rerun of the last "presidential elections".
That way, the big three European foreign ministers will get what
they need and that is what the whole "election" is
all about anyway. As for the internal reaction, few Iranian believe
what they see on the Larijani anyhow.
4- The personal full time welcoming crowd of the Velayat brigade
that precedes his travels in a reported convoy of 600 buses, can
be creatively utilized to vote many times, it is not like that
they haven't done it before.
5- The new 250 million dollar German contract to upgrade Tehran
sewer is not going to do it. More of the preferential oil deals
are in order, ask Rafsis before their departure to see if any is
left from their previous fire sales, don't count on it though.
6- Since the Dear Leader Ayatollah Seyed Ali Khamenei, Ayatullirus
Maximus for short, declared during his Qazvin speech that he is
anointed by the almighty; he can now likewise declare that in the
latest audience with the Creator, he has been instructed to tell
the flock: no voting for you!
7- Shold the flock not heed to the above that would mean the jig
is up; the Maximus should immediately pack his necessities and
depart the scene before it is too late. Hermann Goering waited
too long, his necessities were confiscated and had to detoxify
in an American jail. As a precaution, the reported 25 million dollar
remodeling of the recently purchased personal plane of the Sultan
of Brunei (a 125 million dollar velayat plane) should be expedited
8- In an outside chance that you have finally realized that it
is a dead regime walking, allow an internationally administered
national referendum on the nature of the majority desired system.
An immunity guarantee from prosecution for the past deeds is your
only salvation, don't tempt fate. >>> News & politics
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