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Playa why you Hatin'?
Whatever effect Europe's approach will have on Iran, it won't kill anyone

January 21, 2005

Anglophilia: that is the legacy of colonialism worldwide. My fellow mud people, do not fall victim to the allure of that emotionless accent, weak chin, boring food and sexual insipidness, or the Hollywood blockbuster-inspired bravado over here in the US, for that matter. Alidad talks shit most impressively in his umpteenth slam on the UN, socialism, the "Left", and the EU, but in doing so leaves exposed (like a saggy, pasty white ass) the fruitlessness of the current US plan of action for Iran.

I'm sure a few people read Vassigh's article, "Spineless EU", and wondered if the US was doing any better than the European camp. Well, lately, the Committee on the Present Danger (co-chaired by George Shultz, close associate of the Bush administration) published a policy proposal advocating "peaceful but forceful strategy to engage with the Iranian people to remove the threat and establish the strong relationship which is in both nations' and the region's interests." A propaganda campaign spread amongst a nation of satellite TV viewers is apparently going to topple Iran's government.

The paper goes on to say that although the US reserves "the right to take out or cripple [Khamenei's] nuclear capabilities", it would only do so if Iran failed to conform to present agreements with the IAEA, Britain, France, and Germany. In other words, short of watching the EU and UN do the real work, the only thing the US has done and can do to Iran is make empty-handed threats of invasion. The Bush camp doesn't know what to do when it comes to us hot-blooded, sexy camel jockeys.

Finally, for everyone's information, the CPD proposal also wants the US embassy in Tehran to be re-opened. This part still puzzles me: why would one government give further legitimacy to another that it is so adamantly opposed to? What "principled position" of the US backs that up?

On the other side of the Atlantic, there is at least some sort of coherent, involved policy towards Iran; George Bush's speechwriters have intellectual rights to the "Axis of Evil".

And Alidad, don't get all worked up about European corruption. American companies, including persons in the Bush administration, have done business with the Islamic Republic. Business associates include Halliburton, Conoco-Philips, General Electric... and we all know about the long, illustrious history of UK companies in Iran.

So basically, the US government, like Vassigh, just talks a lot of shit. Meanwhile, the "European offal" is making a genuine, multilateral effort to prevent Iran from developing nuclear weapons, which it most inevitably will anyway, no matter who does what.

I can't match Vassigh's contempt for the EU and all things "Left" (whatever that means to him), but I would if they ever tried to invade Iran and interfere with the political, social, and cultural evolution of our country.

The effects of foreign intervention in countries with a Muslim majority (or in any country for that matter) have been well-established throughout the history that Vassigh, who has to mention Hitler to drive his point home almost every time he writes an article, seems to ignore while predicting the future.

Whatever effect Europe's approach will have on Iran, it won't kill anyone. Invasion is the wrong way to go. There is no reason to breathe life into Khomeini's dying monster, and there is no reason to traumatize a generation of Iranians.

So Alidad, if you are still enjoying the great nightlife of Madrid, where Anglo-Saxon blood does not flow and where only a little while ago they decisively kicked out Aznar and his Anglo ass-kissing administration in the aftermath of their own March 11 tragedy at Chamartín station, I'll leave you to marinate on a quote from a recent article by Jim Lobe:

"One Iran specialist, William Beeman of Brown University, said he was 'appalled' by the six-page paper [of the CPD]. 'They have no idea about Iranian politics or governmental structure. They have decided for some bizarre reason to present Ayatollah Ali Khamenei as if he were some kind of Saddam-like dictator. I suppose this helps their audience fit the current Iranian governmental structure into a ready-made pigeonhole.'"
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Maziar Shirazi is a junior at Rutgers University, New Brunswick, New Jersey. Features in

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