February 2004
February 18................................To
top
* Much more secular
Hamid-Reza Jalaeipour, a 46-year-old sociologist
and former newspaper
publisher, is emblematic of those who fought for the revolution,
served in
the early years of the Islamic republic, and now regard Islamic
rule as a
failure. Though he still struggles to build democracy, he said
he would
not want to go through a second revolution. "They used to
say that the
shah wanted to make society secular," he said in an interview." Twenty-five
years later the society is much more secular. The mosques are empty."
-- Excerpt from "In Iran, a Quiet but Fierce Struggle for
Change", by Elaine Sciolini, February 15, New York
Times.
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* Beh tokhmam
>>> Lareger image
-- SM
* I want to go home...
Home, where i can smell the fresh bread,
where i can yell hard, where i can sleep long hours, where the
air is filled with poisonous gases,
where there is dust everywhere, where the mountains are clouded,
where
the kids run in the street, where there is not a moment of stillness
and
quiet, where the rain is worshiped and the sun is hot, where
strangers
want to know your story, where people are rude and inconsiderate,
where
there is a lot of traffic jams, where i can breath, where my
friend drives through a hellhole just to pick me up for a day in
a spa,
where
the coffee tastes great, and i eat the chocolate without thinking
of
getting too fat, where i can breath, where i belong, where i
can leave
my kids with strangers, where i can take long afternoon naps,
where i
smoke like a chimney, where i feel alive and wanted and welcomed,
where
my dad died, where i can walk the streets without ever getting
tired,
where i buy fresh bread from the bakery and eat half of it before
getting home, where things are simple and people are simple,
and
everybody is self-centered and self-absorbed and obnoxious, where
everybody is butting into everybody else's life, where i get
annoyed at
my cousins and where my aunt is aging beyond recognition, where
my dad's
house is crumbling apart, where
my memories are buried, where my dad is buried, where my heart
is, where
i belong...
i want to go home...
-- Mandana Ahsani
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* Time is overdue
It is now more than twenty five years since a brutal religious
regime has dominated our beloved country and, for the first
time in our long history, has led to a massive immigration of
Iranians to various countries in the five continents of the world. terrorism, poverty,
and brain drain as well as drug addiction and insecurity is destroying
the fabric of our nation.
Every opposition voice or movement has been brutally extinguished
by the regime. Foreign governments and international human rights
organizations have ignored the situation, and some have cooperated
with the regime for financial gains. Iranian communities abroad
have mainly been quiet, and kept a low profile.
Enough is enough. Time is overdue. As quoted by Megabiz's friend
in the Iranian.com, "If Iranians just sneeze together,
it would make a hurricane that will wash out these parasites
to history's trash can (Zobaaledaan-e taarikh)".
It is time that all Iranians boycott any election under this
regime, and by sending massive emails and letters to the international
media, the UN, international human rights organizations, and
heads
of foreign countries, show their desire for the separation
of religion and state, and ask for an internationally-controlled
referendum in Iran.
-- Kourosh
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* The man in charge
The follwing story is something I heard
from a reporter who heard it from another reporter
who
spoke
to a man
"in
charge
of
butter"
at
a hotel
in Washington
DC:
One night Vice President Dick Cheney, who was staying at a hotel
in Washington DC, calls room service:
-- "I would like another slice of butter along with the complimentary
slice in my room."
-- "Sorry sir. I cannot give you another slice. Every guest gets
only one."
-- "Do you know who I am?"
-- "No, sir."
-- "I am Dick Cheney, Vice President of the United States."
-- "And I am the man in charge of butter."
Cheney laughed and hung up.
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* Globalization
Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk
on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an American,
using Bill Gate's technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer,
that uses Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian truck drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals....
That, my friends, is Globalization!
-- Forwarded by Bendad
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* Submit poems
Mana Aghaie and Leila Farfami are working on an anthology of Iranian
poetry in exile >>> See
annoucement
Email manavaleila@yahoo.com
February 3..................................To
top
* The original version
As a regular fan of your Shorts column, among other things,
I couldn't miss the three jokes that appeared in Monday's issue.
All,
particulalry the last one, were full of tasty "bits and
pieces".
The original version of the last joke comes
from France and is the story of three Parisian ragged and flithy
beggars who are
huddling together in the freezing Parisian winter. Then one
of them freezes
to death and the other two decide to eat him up.
The rest is
the same as your version, which was equally great. And as
for "rich
and tasty" bits and pieces as well as filthy ragged
beggars, I don't think you can beat this one. I dedicate
it to all sickly
jokes lovers:
It's closing time at the local pub. As the
bartender is putting stools up, a filthy ragged homeless man walks in.
"No free booze!" says the bartender.
"No, all I want is one toothpick", says the homeless
man.
The bartender gives him the toothpick and away he goes.
No sooner has the homeless man left, another one shows
up.
"What do YOU want?", asks the bartender mopping the floor.
"I would like one toothpick my good man", says the homeless
man. The bartender squints at the homeless man, but gives
him the toothpick and away he goes.
Just as the bartender is about to turn out the lights
and lock up, another homeless man
appears. "I know, I know", says
the bartender, "You want a toothpick."
"Oh nooo", says the homeless man, "I need a straw."
The bartender gets him the straw, "Here you can have this straw but I gotta know what's going on here."
"Well," says the dirty homeless man, "this drunken bimbo
has puked all over the alley out here, but
the good bits are already gone."
-- Parkhash
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* Bikhoda.com
>>> Statement
-- Aazam Kamgoyan
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* Tip of the day
Remind your friends and relatives to please not send you bithday
cards in the mail that play "Happy Birthday" when they
are opened. These cards contain small electronic circuits
powered by a small battery, which will create havoc in
your local post office station once they go through the X-Ray
scan. Especially if you live in the US, and the card is coming
from Iran
in a red envelope. Trust me... I know :)
-- Babak
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* Alternative perspective on Iranians
Dear Members of the Iranian
Student Group:
We're sorry for the barrage of emails this week; however,
we wanted to thank
you for making Club Autash such a huge success. It is only with
your
support that we can make these events a success. With that said,
why not
make this next project by the Iranian Youth Media Collective
a success? Please read on:
Salam everyone,
We are a group of Iranian students in UCLA who have begun a
collective to
provide an alternative perspective on Iranians besides the
one portrayed in
mass media or lack there of. Our current documentary project
deals with the
experiences of Iranian women in the greater Los Angeles area
specifically and the unique stories they have to share.
This project will document both a personal interview and
a dinner conversation between 10 Iranian women from various
backgrounds.
Through this conversation we aim to uncover the emotions,
views, and thoughts
of
Iranian women specifically on gender in the community which
are
often
sidelined and marginalized both by our own culture and that
of the United
States.
If you are interested in taking part in this movie, we are
asking you to
e-mail us at iymc_2004@yahoo.com and
we will send you an application.
The questions in the application will be used to select a
diverse group of
women that is more representative of the general Iranian
population.
Your involvement in this project will include one recorded
personal interview and participating in a dinner dialogue
with the other
participants which will take place on March 6. This project
will include
personal information that might come up during the interviews.
Please fill it out and return to us by midnight on February
6. We encourage all women to apply so that we are able to
create as
diverse a
group and consequently as interesting dialogue as possible.
Thank
you for your time,
-- The Iranian Youth Media Collective
February 2..................................To
top
* Happy 25th anniversary
I heard three great jokes this weekend, two from EK and one
(the best and last) from NR. The first I had heard before, when
someone wanted to explain the difference between now and the
Pahlavi era. I dedicate all three to the 25th anniversary
of the Islamic portion of the
revolution.
(Pardom
me if the translation
is bad. Offer a better one here and
I will replace it.)
ONE
The village kafan dozd (shroud robber) is remorseful as he
lays dying. He tells his son that he is ashamed of the line
of work he chose
and
the
misery it brought to relatives of the dead.
"Don't worry
father,"
says the
son. "I'll make sure people will remember you well."
After old man's death, shrouds continue to be robbed from
graves. But there's a new twist. Bu after each robbery not only
does the shroud disappear, but also a stick gets rammed into
the dead's ass.
Now people say, "May the shroud robber rest in peace. At
least he didn't shove a stick up anyone's ass."
TWO
After the revolution, many had something in their name ("Shah"
for instance) that was not kosher with the new revolutionary
regime. One guy rushed to
the Sabteh Ahvaal (Identification Bureau) and said he must change
his name immediately.
"Go wait in line," the
desk clerk said. "All these people
are here to change there names and it will take six months
to issue your new Shenaasnaameh ID card."
The guys says, "You don't
understand. You must change my name NOW!"
Clerk: "Why? What's
so wrong with your name?"
Guy: "My name is Rouhollah
Goh-Pour."
Clerk: "That's a great insult to the leader of the Revolution!
We'll treat you as a special case and change your name immediately.
What
would
you
like
your new
name
to be?"
Guy: "Jamshid Goh-Pour."
THREE (Also see original version)
Its closing time at the local pub. As the bartender is
putting stools up, a filthy ragged homeless man walks in.
"
No free booze!", says the bartender.
"
No, all I want is one toothpick", says the homeless man.
The bartender gives him the toothpick and away he goes.
No sooner has the homeless man left, another one shows up.
"
What do YOU want?", asks the bartender mopping the floor.
"
I would like one toothpick my good man", says the homeless
man. The bartender squints at the homeless man, but gives
him the toothpick and away he goes.
Just as the bartender is about to turn out the lights and
lock up, another homeless man appears. "I know, I know",
says the bartender, "You want a toothpick".
"Oh nooo," says the homeless man, "I need a
straw".
The bartender gets him the straw, "Here you can have this
straw but I gotta know what's going on here."
"Well," says the dirty homeless man, "this drunken
bimbo has puked all over the alley out here, but the good bits
are
already gone." (original version)
***
At this point I see political Islam as the dead man
and the two beggars as all those who think this carcass has anything
left to offer.
-- Jahanshah Javid
