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Hell of a day
Fasting on Ramadan

December 11, 2002
The Iranian

I was just about ready to finish a strenuous workout at the gym. It was another high testosterone day and deltoids looked mighty broad. I put the dumbbell back on the rack and glance at myself in the mirror. I strike a pose. HOO-HAH. Damn, I look good.

Satisfied, I'm about ready to hit the shower when I see him coming right at me. There was no way to avoid him. There he was right in front of me looking all happy and upbeat, searching for an opportunity to challenge the world. An ultra religious SOB who's ready to preach and serve God in a moment's notice. My day is shot to hell.

"What's up Sia. You look good," He said.

"Hey, so do you."

"Thanks. To commemorate the holly month of Ramadan, I have been fasting every day for the last two weeks and I just feel great. Are you fasting?"

"What's the point?"

"The point is to cleanse your body from inside."

"Constipation pills will do the job just the same."

"That's not what I meant. Fasting is the ultimate test of discipline. You also have to control your temptations by not looking at women. Purify your thoughts. Commit yourself. Once a year for one month, you prove to yourself that you are the master of your temptations."

Commitment, discipline, temptations, what a bunch of crap.

"No I don't fast. I don't find it challenging," I said.

"Allow me to challenge you to test yourself. Let's see if you can resist temptations. I challenge you to fast for one day. That's all. One single day."

"I'm sure I can do that," I replied sarcastically.

The guy looked at me with a smile on his face and said, "I bet you $100 you can't even do it for one day."

"You're on."

Dec 2 (3 AM)

It's 3AM. Give me a break; it's way too early. No way in hell can I get up and eat. I don't think I've ever been up at 3 AM in my whole life. I'm not even hungry. How can you eat so early and go back to sleep? Screw it. Let's go back to sleep. I can easily last all day without food.

No problem; you can do this.

Dec 2 (7AM)

Driving to the office. Everything is cool. I'm gonna show that self-serving jerk that I'm the man. Who needs food? I can go on without food for days. This is easy. I should be in one of them reality shows like Survivor. I'll kick ass. It's all in your head.

I'm strong.

Dec 2 (10 AM)

I'm getting a little hungry. My head is hurting and I feel a little weak. My damn boss just told me that the mailroom boy called sick and I've got to cover for him. I'll be running up and down the stairs all day. I should find a way to conserve energy. They are brewing a fresh pot of coffee and it smells delicious. It's making me feel a bit lightheaded.

No problem; you can do this.

Dec 2 (12 PM)

Shit, I'm hungry. I have no energy. Not only my head hurts, my stomach is now hurting too. I'm thirsty. I can't concentrate. I already screwed up the mail run twice. There are donuts in the kitchen and sandwiches leftover from this morning's meeting. I got a twitch in my left eye. My legs are tired from running up and down the stairs. I need some food.

No problem; you can do this.

Dec 2 (1 PM)

Everything is fuzzy. I can't see well. My mouth is dry and I wanna kill someone. I ran into Betty in the hallway. She was wearing a low-cut dress and her large breasts were fighting to burst out and say hello. I tried to control my temptations. I looked the other way while talking to her. I avoided the tempting twins at all cost. She got mad and called me rude for not looking at her while talking. There goes my chance to go out with her.

No problem; you can do this

Dec 2 (2 PM)

Fuck this. I'm dehydrated. My breath stinks, people turn around and run when I talk. My knees are shaking. I need water. I'm dragging myself up and down the stairs. I think I fainted in the hallway. I can't do this shit. I'm dying here. This is impossible. I can't stand this anymore.

No problem; you can do this.

Dec 2 (3 PM)

My stomach made so much noise that the meeting was called off. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was scared by what I saw. I look like shit. I can't even visit my daily porno web sites. I miss my porno. For some reason I'm extremely horny. My boss asked me if I was okay? Fuck no. Do I look okay? Get off my back.

No problem; you can do this.

Dec 2 (5 PM)

This fasting shit is not working. I'm hallucinating now. I see dead people. I ran into a door and knocked myself out cold. I have a big bump on my forehead. I can't feel my legs. I'm starving. My mouth is so dry my lips are permanently glued to each other. I hate my life. I hear voices. I need food and water and porno. Help!

No problem; you can do this.

(Oh, shut up)

Dec 2 (6 PM)


Dec 2 (7 PM)

It's over. I did it. I did it. I'm on my way to an all-you-can-eat restaurant. I'll be feasting like a shark in a fish tank. I can't wait to get my hands on shish kabobs, fried chickens, beans, ribs, hamburgers, tortillas and tons of beer. And cheese cake. It'll be a feeding frenzy like no other. I love food. Feed me!

Dec 2 (11 PM)

I'm driving myself to the emergency room. My stomach is on the verge of eruption. I'm going to blow up. I'm hurting. I ate too much too fast. I have a fever. I'm shaking and sweating. I can't stop blowing chunks. How could I eat so much? I hate my life. I am not going to fast ever, EVER again. Oh, my god! What's that? I don't remember eating that!

Does this article have spelling or other mistakes? Tell me to fix it.

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Send an email to Siamack Baniameri

By Siamack Baniameri




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