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Book: The Iranican Dream

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Scary and exciting
Sarakhs' new album "Mordad 85"
July 27, 2007

Save the earth?
True illustration of hypocrisy
July 9, 2007

Dear Mack II
Emails from women married to or dating Iranian men
June 18, 2007

Even exchange
I recommend that the US government consider arresting a number of Iranian-Americans as well
June 8, 2007

Good hair day
I especially enjoyed Iranian footballers' fake tumbles and Hollywood-style dives while maintaining a perfect hair posture
June 3, 2007

Mack's da man
Photo essay: Meeting's favorite writer Siamack Baniameri
Jahanshah Javid
April 30, 2007

What are you going to do about it?
There is one thing we all can do about the 300 movie
March 18, 2007

The pussyfication of Iranian men
Stay out of the way and let the women lead
March 9, 2007

Dear Mack
Iranian Men: User Manual
January 25, 2007

The Spartans are coming...
... to a theater near you
January 15, 2007

God, what a year
Thoughts I couldn't get out of my head in 2006
January 1, 2007

Ugly people
Iranians of the year
December 23, 2006

How not to make a sex video
Alleged soap star and her lover
November 21, 2006

Rewarding disobedient wives
October 31, 2006

Let them have fun
October 24, 2006

My beautiful gold digger
October 11, 2006

How to defuse Moslem anger
What I would like to see the Pope do
September 26, 2006

Topless dancer
My ambassador
September 21, 2006

Amuse us for once
Bush vs. Ahmadinejad
August 30, 2006

I'm in a movie with Jamie Foxx
Classic "guy moment" when your dick does the talking
August 3, 2006

A couple of sandwiches short of a picnic
Ganji's expectation from Iranian expats & opposition groups
July 20, 2006

If you don't hear from me
Hunger strike
July 17, 2006

Where do I sign up?
Laptop Revolutionaries
June 21, 2006

Pink security forces
Gender-specific security forces
June 14, 2006

I 've got an idea
World Cup
June 9, 2006

Team Melli VIP treatment
World Cup
June 7, 2006

Thank you Agent Smith
"Listen, don't do it, man," the voice said
May 15, 2006

Chop chop
Shorts: Ahmadinejad's letter to Bush
April 13, 2006

Iranian-American Internment Camp
April 13, 2006

Shorts: Iranian satellite TV commercial for MasterCard
April 5, 2006

March 31, 2006

False advertising
March 31, 2006

First, let me put on my seatbelt
March 17, 2006

Latest news from the Middle East
March 13, 2006

Hamas outsourced to India
March 2, 2006
Hamas opened a call center to assist suicide bombers with bomb-making technical questions. The call center was later outsourced to India. Hamas suicide bombers have been complaining that language barriers and accent problems have created mishaps, resulting in some bombs detonating prematurely. In one instance the Indian call center analyst told the would-be suicide bomber: "Be calm and do not twitch." However the suicide bomber heard: "Hold the bomb and push the switch."

Heavenly trade
February 27, 2006
If I somehow end up in heaven with 72 virgins, I would like to trade in 71 virgins for cigarettes, alcohol, Xbox and an experienced hooker. I might keep one virgin around just in case things don't work out between me and the hooker. I'm also willing to trade in some of my virgins for an occasional pass to hell to visit friends and family.

Danish brokeback
February 23, 2006
A prominent Iranian director said, "Forget movies about gay cowboys. I'm making a movie about gay Arab suicide bombers who find it difficult to blow themselves up in a bus full of naked Danish male dancers."

Ready to go
February 18, 2006
When America attacks Iran, as an Iranian-American, I would like to fight for the Iranian side, Monday through Wednesday and for the American side, Wednesday through Saturday. And I would like Sundays off to run errands, do laundry and catch up with some sleep -- if it's okay with both sides. In a case I'm taken as a prisoner of war by either side, I refuse to perform human pyramid tricks or commit suicide by downing hair removal creams. I also like to request from the Iranian side not to ask me to blow myself up, and the American side not to ask me to attach electrical wires to nipples of hooded prisoners. Other than that, I'm ready to go. Where do I sign up?

Cheap bastards
February 15, 2006
President George W. Bush has asked Congress to authorize an extra $75 million to help the United States spur democracy in Iran. I'm thinking a $75 million translates to a dollar for every Iranian, which means each Iranian is worth a lousy $1 to America. Considering 30% annual inflation in Iran, and the annual 17% increase in cost of living, that $1 per person will be worth 50 cents by the time Congress authorizes the $75 million. Well, thank you very much, you cheap bastards. As an Iranian, I will not give you a discount -- not today. So, contact me when you increase the freedom money to at least $5 a person. And in addition, I would like a company car and a signing bonus.

My mom
February 6, 2006
I married an Iranian activist, who was sentenced to be stoned to death, so she could stay in the US and escape Islamic Republic's wrath. She filed for divorce and moved back to Iran after she met my mom.

Pickle tickle
I felt inadequate by the small size of Persian pickles on display at the grocery store. I asked the manager to remove them from the shelf immediately. That was not the image I wanted the world to see. I later changed my mind when I saw that Indian pickles were even smaller.
February 2, 2006

Screwing with spammers
Responding to spam emails
January 4, 2006

The second coming of Elvis
I don't think "Allah o Akbar" is a good substitute for an engine
December 12, 2005

It's good to be gay!
Part 3: The Islamic government is looking for my ass...
Part 1: "I finally made it to fuckin' Canada."
October-November 2005

Happy ending
Want to fight terrorism? Legalize prostitution.
September 22, 2005

Persian cat on crack
She constantly nags, starts rumors, gossips all day and considered me a failure
August 7, 200

Give it up comrade
Ganji should go home, down a huge chelo-kabab with gigantic onions, relax, take a shower, have great sex and apply for Canadian citizenship
July 16, 200

Heaven can wait
The thought of going to heaven the next time a suicide bomber steps into my bus certainly makes me feel secure
July 12, 2005

Money for nothing
I know it's our country's flag and our identity, but I don't find the beast particularly attractive and I don't think a scary-looking creature characterizes my identity
June 24, 2005

Cute won't cut it
Reza Pahlavi should fly to Iran ASAP and join ranks with those who have decided to stay and resist
June 13, 2005

We're not impressed
People and things I'm sick and tired of
May 23, 2005

It's a small world
Illegitimate lovechild of a metrosexual ayatollah who donated money to the president of Halliburton whose brother was a fashion designer for Chechnian rebels
April 29, 2005

My Iranian of the year
April 5, 2005

Payback time
A woman leads prayers? What's left of Moslem men's dignity?
March 21, 2005

Zan Zallil
Magazine 4 Persian men... who can't make decisions
March 15, 2005

A letter to the woman upstairs
Weighing heaven and hell
March 4, 2005

Sex, lies and shish kebob (Part Three)
Anything's okay, so long as your ass remains a one-way street
February 21, 2005

Sex, lies and shish kebob (Part Two)
The games Iranian girls play: always acting, always dramatic, always cunning; it never ends
February 11, 2005

Sex, lies and shish kebob (Part One)
Why are you Persian guys such loose mouth, perverted liars? she asked
February 5, 2005

I can play terrorist, easy
Seeking acting jobs in Hollywood
January 20, 2005

The Iranican Dream
Introduction to a book of Iranian-American satire
January 10, 2005

Letter of resignation
By a suicide bomber
January 2, 2005

XXX revolution
I would like the next Iranian revolution to be sexy and bloody
December 5, 2004

No Kerry, no bush
Grandpa was determined to support his hero. But there was a catch.
November 15, 2004

The bartender
Part 1 | Part 2
October 13/22, 2004

Number one
Atefeh's defiance of all conceited Iranian social and cultural values is what makes her my number one girl
September 25, 2004

Beamer survey
Is it true that BMW owners have sex average 2.3 times per week?
August 12, 2004

Drama queens
Even our sporting events are filled with tragedy
July 27, 2004

Survival of the fittest
Israel and the IRI are strong. Palestinians and Iranian opposition are weak
April 1, 2004

Oral thoughts
Responses to news about oral sex/mouth cancer link
February 27, 2004

The right breast
One breast better than no breast? I don't think so
February 6, 2004

A good beating
Like what we got in Iran when we were kids
January 7, 2004

Great year -- for who?
For Iranian women. And Iranian men are plain jealous.
December 16, 2003

Amoo's checkup
I took my uncle, who was visiting from Iran, to the doctor
November 17, 2003

Dumber than me
A reply to Siamack Baniameri
September 26, 2003

Sick and tired
Do you want to know who I'm sick and tired of? I'll tell you who
September 20, 2003

Hooray to hooligans
Forget university students
July 14, 2003

Satellite Revolution!
Dude, it's over. People are in the streets...
June 12, 2003

What a shame
Looting of the oldest "dildo" from Baghdad Museum
May 8, 2003

You call this a war?
I wanna see some Iraqi fedayins' guts shoot at the camera and cover Christiane Amonpor's face
April 14, 2003

Interview with an Iranian man
Iranian men have "tendencies"
March 7, 2003

Private thoughts
What I learned in the past year
January 1, 2003

Hell. A.
"Amigo, are you OK?"
December 24, 2002

Hell of a day
Fasting on Ramadan
December 11, 2002

My brain
The big head vs. the little head
November 1, 2002

Healthy society
Junkies and prostitutes contribute more to our society than you and I ever could
October 4, 2002

Zan zalil
Most Iranian women like to keep their man on a short leash
September 13, 2002

Bridal imports
We are dealing with a generation that is a bit shaky upstairs
August 20, 2002

The OK mullah
Religion, for example, is one thing I have problems with
July 26, 2002

I wanna be your king
Persian Warrior vs. Reza Pahlavi
May 24, 2002

I'm not his slave
My husband jumped on me and started beating me up
May 14, 2002

What crisis?
If I could just get my hands on her, politics would be the last thing on her mind
April 19, 2002

Dad, I hope you are not planning on coming to America anytime soon
February 12, 2002

Suckers come in all forms
Johnny Walker should be forgiven and sent home to his family
December 14, 2001!
What do you take to a circumcision party? Flowers, cookies, Band-Aid?
November 30, 2001

Passive aggressive volcano
I'm having one hell of time romancing Iranian women
November 5, 2001

Chop chop
I hate revolutionaries
October 5, 2001

Cool jobs
How do you become a suicide bomber?
August 13, 2001

Where is it?
Beep beep beep beep. BINGO.
August 13, 2001

Old man's money
My father-in-law is a very rich. And I want his money
July 11, 2001

How much are you gonna pay me to join your religion?
June 20, 2001

Persian for president
To bring back the glory of the Persian Empire
May 23, 2001

Cover your donkey
I love this molla dude
May 4, 2001

Just shoot me!
Iranian family values
April 24, 2001

Quit whining
God's open letter to Iranians
April 13, 2001

Mageh marizi?
Teenager from hell
March 22, 2001

The hell with romance
Persian men can't even spell "romantic"
March 13, 2001

Art of kissing
Kissing guys on the cheeks is something I needed to learn
February 28, 2001

Persian lover
Women simply don't understand me
February 14, 2001

The blue pill
The one that turns a Paykan into a BMW
January 31, 2001

Moslem gigolo
God has made us who we are
January 17, 2001

Persian Male Syndrome
December 27, 2000

Persian warrior
I'm the pride of 2,500 years of history
December 7, 2000

Negotiating with the devil
They sounded like they were trading camels
November 28, 2000

Price is right
"I need to borrow your date for a few hours"
November 17, 2000

The rules
... of dating Iranian women
November 8, 2000

Ali's nose job
His nose defied all laws of physics
October 30, 2000

Blind date
With an Iranian feminist
October 17, 2000

A private matter
"I need you to fix my daughter's problem"
October 6, 2000

Doctor... Doctor...
Dude! Everybody is a doctor here
September 19, 2000

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A memoir
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