It's a small world
Illegitimate lovechild of a metrosexual
ayatollah who donated money to the president of Halliburton whose
brother was a fashion designer
for Chechnian rebels
April 29, 2005
I was only thirteen when I lost my virginity to a thirty-two-year-old reformist
prostitute. She was married to a communist drug user who was related to a fundamentalist
cross-dresser who dated a suicide bomber while cheating on him with an orthodox
Jewish settler in Gaza.
The reformist prostitute spied for the Taliban for
years until she discovered that Maoist Leninists paid better for
her services. So she converted
and joined the evangelical Christian movement to bare arms and participate
in velvet revolutions only to learn that Hezbollah had a much better dental
Her communist drug user husband was a friend of a
friend who was the illegitimate lovechild of a metrosexual ayatollah
who donated money to the president of
Halliburton whose brother was a fashion designer for Chechnian rebels and
once roomed with an insurgent while working at a chocolate factory.
reformist prostitute later divorced her communist drug user husband and married
PLO's chief technology officer while producing a steamy reality
show for Al-Jazeera.
Shortly after that, she became the lover of a lesbian
monarchist who was seriously injured while orchestrating a raid
on the World Bank. The
took refuge in the Vatican and later converted to anarchism and represented
the Pope in the Goodwill Games as the capitan of the debate team.
The communist drug
user husband moved to a Red state where he married the ex-wife of a redneck
who was a linebacker for the Redskins and volunteered for the
Red Cross and often drank Red Bull, only to get run over by a red Ferrari
while visiting Red Square.
The reformist prostitute was commissioned by Amnesty
International to spy on the National Geographic Society and feed
to the Smithsonian
regarding the Iranian nuclear weapon program from a Starbucks coffee shop
located deep inside occupied territories.
The reformist prostitute's cover was blown
when she visited a psychic in India who worked part-time at a helpdesk outsourcing
center in Bangalore
where she started a long-distance relationship with a UN weapon inspector
turned exotic dancer.
The reformist prostitute landed herself in prison
where she was tortured by Cirque Du Soleil transvestite midgets
for days and subsequently
signed a confession
letter admitting that she had killed Yasser Arafat by forcing him to eat
a double Quarter Pounder with cheese while praying behind a female
prostitute was sentenced to hard labor where she consequently committed suicide
after spending two weeks, locked down in "It's
a small world after all" attraction at Disneyland.
Her lesbian lover was ordered
killed by a cardinal for promoting suicidal thoughts among members of
the Irish rock band, "U2."
Siamack Baniameri is the author of The
Iranican Dream, (Virtualbookworm.com Publishing, December
2004). Also see Iranican-Dream.com.