For Iranian women. And Iranian men are plain jealous.
December 16, 2003
I don't know about you but I don't
give a shit anymore. Well, sometimes I do. Today, for example,
is a give-a-shit-day.
Tomorrow is a whole different story. Honestly, in the seven days
of the week, I only give a shit, maybe, a day and a half --
In one of those give-a-shit-days, I get certain things done. For
example, I contact family members and talk to friends on the
So a few days ago I called a friend in Iran. He is a
university professor with great interest in politics and current
answered the phone, the first thing he said to me was, "Today is
a great day for all Iranians."
Trying to be enthusiastic, I responded, "Yes it is; her speech
was interesting, wasn't it?"
"Speech? I didn't know he could talk! But all Iranians are proud
of his accomplishments. He truly put Iran on the world map.
The whole country is celebrating today."
"I agree, she has sacrificed a lot and made us all proud."
"Why do you keep calling him, 'she'?" my friend
"Why do you keep calling her, 'he'?" I replied.
"Who are you talking about?"
"Who the fuck are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about Mehdi Mahdavi-Kia. He is was named Asian
Player of the Year," my buddy said.
"Oh, sorry. I thought you were talking about Shirin Ebadi."
"Oh yeah, she's great too. But I gotta tell you, we're all
overjoyed by Mahdavi-Kia's award. This is the best thing
that could have happened to Iran."
I had enough of this.
"Who gives a shit about Mahdavi-Kia?" I screamed. "He's
a stupid soccer player, you jackass!"
"Hey! Watch your mouth. He is a football player not a soccer
player, you fag."
That was all I could take. I hung up the phone. The give-a-shit-day
was officially over for the rest of the week.
I received number of emails from friends and family in Iran who
were thrilled by Mahdavi-Kia's award but didn't care
much about Ebadi's Nobel Peace Prize or her speech
Over a bottle of Vodka and some cheese crackers, I thought a
whole lot about this. In a rare moment of inspiration,
to me that the answer to this puzzle is elementary. Iranian
men hate Iranian women and the whole idea of an Iranian woman
achieving so much is nauseating to most of us.
We followed Mahdavi-Kia's ordeal religiously because he represents
everything we detest about our women. He plays for a national
football team that does not allow women in the stadium. He represents
sport that makes fun of women by forcing them to play in isolation
in full-blown Islamic dress, chasing the ball around like
a bunch of Zorros. He leads a two-dimensional life like
the rest of us (trademark lifestyle of many Iranian men).
And while his wife
wears the traditional head-scarf and walks two steps behind him,
he takes promotional pictures with models in skimpy outfits,
endorsing his German professional team. He doesn't seem to mind
presence of female fans in shorts and tank tops in German stadiums
but if an Iranian woman with shorts and tank top shows up at
Azadi Stadium (please don't try that), he might be distracted
and miss an opportunity to score. Now that's the way we Iranian
men dig things.
I mean, you gotta be honest. Like it or not, It has been a great
year for Iranian women. From Ebadi to Afshin-Jam (Miss Canada,
and Miss World runner up), Rudy Bakhtiar (CNN anchor), Bani-Etemad
(film director), Kar (human rights activist), and Milani (academic),
their mark on the 2003 calendar.
Now let us examine what we
Iranian men have accomplished this year. Here's the top five:
(Drum roll please)
1. Consumed over 4 tons of narcotics per month
2. Executed over 270 individuals for a variety of reasons
3. Imprisoned writers, journalists, grocers, milkmen, and anybody
we didn't like
4. Killed a woman photographer by smashing her head
5. Spent more money on prostitutes in Dubai than any other nationality.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not an advocate of women's rights
or suggest all Iranian men are A-holes. Like I said, I don't give a shit
anymore. But I think I know why many of us Iranian men hate Iranian women.
I believe it has a lot to do with our own shortcomings and jealousy. It
goes something like this: when the size of your ego is much bigger than
the size of
your penis, you set yourself up for disappointments and you take your frustrations
on your wife, mom, sisters, and daughters.
That's the way many of
us have been raised. Seeing our father humiliating our mom or mistreating
our sisters, we return the favor by humiliating our own women. Nothing
makes us feel
manlier. After all we are traditional and traditions are good. Right,
traditions are gooooooood. And that's what I think the problem
if you know what I mean.
Did I mention that I don't give a shit anymore?
December is Donate
to Iranian.com Month
this page to your friends