God, what a year
Thoughts I couldn't get out of my head in 2006
January 1, 2007
* At a party, you can always spot a woman with small breasts but you can never tell which man has a small penis. Another indication that God is a man.
* While watching Sadam's hanging, I couldn't help but wonder if he was wearing a G-string and a bra under his clothes... just to piss-off the Shia undertakers.
* A Jihadist website claims that suicide bombers experience massive orgasm seconds before blowing themselves up. That's all good, but imagine how silly you would look if the bomb malfunctions.
* A prominent feminist is encouraging women to live through all of 2007 without any interaction with men just to prove that women can do without men. While applauding the idea, I'm imagining the soaring revenue of battery makers.
* We Iranian men have only one thing in common: an uncontrollable urge to have threesome with our wife and her eighteen-year-old second cousin from her father's side.
* Male suicide bombers get 40 virgins in heaven. What do female suicide bombers get? 40 male virgins? Wouldn't that be considered gang rape? Another indication that God is a man.
* Middle East Road Map: make a left and keep going.
* My credit score is so low that even Al-Qaida refused to issue me a membership card.
* The rope that was used to hang Sadam is being auctioned on eBay. I hear that Sadam has signed the rope with these words: "Let's hang around sometimes. Love, SH."
* Anousheh Ansari's resolutions last year:
-- Pick up laundry
-- Buy wine from Trader Joe's
-- Bikini wax
-- Fly to space
* A recent study claims that 2nd generation immigrants have more psychological problems than their parents or their children. Just to be on a safe side, I have committed my sperms to a mental hospital. Comments
Siamack Baniameri is the author of The Iranican Dream, (Virtualbookworm.com Publishing, December 2004). Also see Iranican-Dream.com.