Payback time
A woman leads prayers? What's left of Moslem
men's dignity?
March 21, 2005
iranian.com
On Friday March 18, 2005, something interesting
happened. Amina Wadud, a professor of Islamic studies at Virginia
Commonwealth
University, led an Islamic prayer service before a congregation
of 100 Moslem men and women at Synod House at the Cathedral of
St. John the Divine in Manhattan. As expected, a few hours later,
all hell
broke loose.
The imam of a London mosque declared the practice against Islam.
A woman should never lead prayers, he
elaborated, because during the menstrual cycle, there is always
the possibility of an accident during the
service: if a man happens to glance at the female imam's behind
and spots blood, then the gates of heaven will forever be shut
to the poor chump.
Thank you, dear imam, for clarifying a few things for me.
First of all, I had no idea women bled from their behind
during the menstrual
cycle. I guess that means I was pulled out of my mother's
ass. Silly me... I was completely in the dark.
Secondly, as an avid ass-looker, I can assure
the good imam that in all my years of looking at
women's behinds from all different angles, I've never spotted blood.
Maybe I'm not looking hard enough. Who knows? Maybe the imam
is a better ass-looker than I am! I've never claimed to be
good at anything.
And by the way, I didn't know
there's a shortage of tampons in London.
What's up with that?
Meanwhile Soad Saleh, who heads the Islamic department of the
women's college at Al-Azhar University in Cairo, said women should
not
lead prayers
because "the
woman's body, even if veiled, stirs desires."
What can I say? Like many of my Middle Eastern brothers, I have
a lifetime subscription to Play
Veil magazine. Miss January was absolutely gorgeous and even though
I couldn't see anything behind her veil, in some perverted
way, she stirred my desires.
I can't explain it. Only we Middle
Eastern men are capable of looking at women who are covered under
lumps of unforgiving black sheets and feel aroused. Heck, I sometimes
look at drapes hanging from windows and get horny!
According
to Ms. Saleh, we Middle Eastern men are sexually so out of control
that there's a strong chance we might hump a female
imam in the middle of
Friday prayers. Thank you Ms. Saleh!
Thank you very much for your in-sight!
But I think the best line came from the cleric of a mosque in
Saudi Arabia. The honorable sheikh expressed outrage by mentioning
several times, "how can a woman who touches her husband's
organ lead a prayer... it is inconceivable!"
Obviously the sheikh is unaware that married women do not touch
their husband's organ. As a matter of fact that's the
main reason women get married ... so they don't have to touch,
fondle or stroke any part of a man's body.
In fact women are done with
sex the day after they get married. Obviously the sheikh is enjoying
an unusually active sex-life with his wife.
 I feel the anger of my fellow fundamentalist
brothers. We're not only challenged by an intellectual who knows
her Islam
but, even worse, we're challenged by a woman. The very fact
that a woman is more intelligent, and makes no apologies for it,
insults our very existence.
This has nothing to do
with
Islam;
it's about
what
we've
learned from our fathers and grandfathers. This is about money
and power -- the very essence of our manhood. This is not about
menstrual cycles, stirring desires or fondling organs. It's about
fear
and insecurity. Nothing is more intimidating to
a man than a woman who sees right through him.
Personally, as an Iranian Moslem man, it would be a privilege
and honor to stand behind a female imam and pray to my
God.
I
promise
I'll never glance at her behind -- unless, of course,
God has blessed her with one that is too divine to ignore.
Who knows? Maybe one day women can have several husbands too.
Reversal of fortune is entertaining -- don't you think?
Maybe we'll see the day when women with their Gucci purses
and Prada shoes walk in front and we follow them two steps behind
covered in thick dark sheets, pushing strollers and gasping for
air. Imagine me and the sheikh and a couple of other fellows
being some woman's bitches. Oh, the payback!
About
Siamack Baniameri is the author of The
Iranican Dream, (Virtualbookworm.com Publishing, December 2004).
Also see Iranican-Dream.com.
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