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Sick and tired
Do you want to know who I'm sick and tired of? I'll tell you who

By Siamack Baniameri
September 20, 2003
The Iranian

I don't know about you but I'm sick and tired of these people. That's right, I'm sick and tired of these new trends that are popping among Iranians all over the place. My shit-list is growing out of control and I see no end in sight. I'm sure you're sick and tired of them too, you just don't know it.

I tell you what I'm sick of: I'm sick of pretentious people who refer to themselves as "Iranian-American" to sound more intelligent. Makeup your mind for God's sake. You can not possibly be born in two countries at the same time. If you were born in Iran, you're an Iranian. If you were born in the US, you're an American. That's all there is to it. Let me ask you something: if you became a citizen of Ghana, would call yourself "Iranian-Ghanaian?" Huh? Would you?

I tell you what I'm sick and tired of: I'm sick of chiropractors. Hey, you are not a doctor and that's the end of the story. Doctors go to medical schools. Doctors write prescriptions. Doctors actually cure patients. Don't call yourself a doctor, people laugh behind your back.

I tell you what I'm sick and tired of: I'm sick of older Iranian folks who are sucking free money out of Medicare, social security, and other US government services for the poor.  You have never worked a day in this country, never contributed to any of these funds, never been a factor to advance the economy, never built, designed, manufactured, or provided services to anyone. You are stealing money. It belongs to the people who have worked hard all their lives. Don't take it. It's not yours.

Do you want to know who I'm sick and tired of? I'll tell you who: I'm sick of monarchists. Listen, it's gone, done, over with, and it's not coming back. Get on with your lives.

I'm also sick and tired of Los Angles-based musicians. For God's sake, 25 years and not a single hit. Have you ever considered that maybe music is not your forte?

Oh, I'm sick and tired of the Iranian national football team. You're telling me that we can not find 20 good footballers among 70 million people? I don't know about you, but I'm baffled. How can it be? For a country that has over 10 million unemployed youngsters, we ought to find a few good footballers. Don't you think?

Let me tell you who else I'm sick and tired of: I'm sick of people who call themselves Persians. Do you ever hear Turks calling themselves Ottomans, or Chinese calling themselves Manchurians, or Italians calling themselves Romans, or Iraqis calling themselves Babylonians? Where did this Persian thing come from? Was I sleeping and missed something?

I'm sick of them Iranian-owned and operated car dealerships in southern California. Every time I shop there I feel like saying, "Thank you sir for using Vaseline this time. Excuse me for walking funny, but I might have hurt my back while bending over."

I'm sick and tired of Iranians who run for US government offices. Being born and raised in a country with the worst human rights record, highest number of political prisoners, most totalitarian government, and one of the poorest nations in the world, maybe governmental affairs is not our cup of tea. We fucked up our own country, let's not fuck up another.

And one last thing I'm sick and tired of: I'm sick of them teenage American-born Iranian wannabes who try to speak Parsi. Hey, your Parsi sucks, give it up. Iran was repeatedly attacked by foreign armies for 2000 years and the language was never destroyed, but now the new generation of Yankee teenage wanna-speak-Parsi-to-make-my-parents-happy are single handedly destroying the language. Please, just shut up.

I'm sick of it, man. Just sick of it.

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By Siamack Baniameri



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