 Sick and tired
Do you want to know who I'm sick and tired of? I'll tell
you who
By Siamack Baniameri
September 20, 2003
The Iranian
I don't know about you but I'm sick and tired
of these people. That's right, I'm sick and tired
of these new trends that are popping among Iranians all over the
place.
My shit-list is growing out of control and I see no end in sight.
I'm sure you're sick and tired of them too, you just
don't know it.
I tell you what I'm sick of: I'm sick of pretentious
people who refer to themselves as "Iranian-American" to
sound more intelligent. Makeup your mind for God's sake.
You can not possibly be born in two countries at the same time.
If you were born in Iran, you're
an Iranian. If you were born in the US, you're an American.
That's all there is to it. Let me ask you something: if
you became a citizen of Ghana, would call yourself "Iranian-Ghanaian?"
Huh? Would you?
I tell you what I'm sick and tired of: I'm sick of
chiropractors. Hey, you are not a doctor and that's the
end of the story. Doctors go to medical schools. Doctors write
prescriptions. Doctors actually cure patients. Don't call
yourself a doctor, people laugh behind your back.
I tell you what
I'm sick and tired of: I'm sick of older Iranian folks who are
sucking free money out of Medicare,
social security, and other US government services for the poor. You
have never worked a day in this country, never contributed to any
of these funds, never been a factor to advance the economy, never
built, designed, manufactured, or provided services to anyone.
You are stealing money. It belongs to the people who have worked
hard all their lives. Don't take it. It's not yours.
Do you want
to know who I'm sick and tired of? I'll tell you who: I'm sick
of monarchists. Listen, it's
gone, done, over with, and it's not coming back. Get on
with your lives.
I'm also sick and tired of Los Angles-based musicians.
For God's sake, 25 years and not a single hit.
Have you ever considered that maybe music is not your forte?
Oh,
I'm sick and tired of the Iranian national football team. You're
telling me that we can not find 20 good footballers
among 70 million people? I don't know about you, but I'm
baffled. How can it be? For a country that has over 10 million
unemployed youngsters, we ought to find a few good footballers.
Don't you think?
Let me tell you who else I'm sick and tired
of: I'm sick of people who call themselves Persians. Do you ever
hear Turks calling themselves Ottomans, or Chinese calling
themselves Manchurians,
or Italians calling themselves Romans, or Iraqis calling
themselves
Babylonians? Where did this Persian thing come from? Was
I sleeping and missed something?
I'm sick of them Iranian-owned
and operated car dealerships in southern California. Every time
I shop there
I feel like saying, "Thank you sir for using Vaseline
this time. Excuse me for walking funny, but I might have hurt
my back while bending over."
I'm sick and tired of Iranians
who run for US government offices. Being born and raised in a
country with the worst human
rights record, highest number of political prisoners, most
totalitarian government, and one of the poorest nations in
the world,
maybe governmental affairs is not our cup of tea. We fucked
up
our
own country, let's not fuck up another.
And one
last thing I'm sick and tired of: I'm sick of them teenage American-born
Iranian wannabes who try to speak Parsi. Hey, your Parsi sucks,
give it up. Iran
was
repeatedly
attacked by foreign armies for 2000 years and the
language was never destroyed, but now the new generation of Yankee
teenage wanna-speak-Parsi-to-make-my-parents-happy are single handedly
destroying the language. Please, just shut up.
I'm
sick of it, man. Just sick of it.
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