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Healthy society
Junkies and prostitutes contribute more to our society than you and I ever could

October 4, 2002
The Iranian

I saw in the paper, the other day, that there are over 4 million hardcore drug addicts in Iran in addition to another 3 million casual users. The paper said, "Over 4 tons of narcotics are consumed every day by Iranians."

Opium being the drug of choice followed by morphine, heroin, cocaine, ecstasy, and hashish. Combine that with over 50,000 prostitutes who roam Tehran and the suburbs, plus another 100,000 in other cities, and what you get is a healthy society.

Now, spare me the "victim" talk. I have no tolerance for heart-breaking political and social analysis of this so-called crisis. I have no interest in sentiments on how sick our society has become because of drug use and prostitution. I don't think so. I think drug use and prostitution are good for our nation. I think our nation is benefiting greatly.

I have nothing against drug users. I don't think of them as victims. They make a choice. They puff the magic flute simply because they enjoy it, not because there is a gun pointing at their head. Maybe they do it not because they want to escape harsh realities of life, but to get a good high and hallucinate for a while. Every man has a right to hallucinate, don't you think?

Lack of ambition is what makes drug users good citizens. That's right folks, junkies are good for society because, unlike other assholes, don't want to leave their mark. They have no desire to change the world, lead revolutions, run for president, start socialist workers parties, kill or torture opponents, preach religion, go to war for oil, steal stock holders' money, or assassinate journalists.

Sharon, Bush, and Saddam aren't drug users. Neither was Mussolini, Hitler, or Stalin.

You see, drug users are completely harmless because they hardly ever leave home. They are busy getting high all the time. When they are not high, they are too lazy to even go to the bathroom to relieve themselves. That's my kinda guy. That's why every society needs good old-fashioned, lazy, junkies who have no energy to butt into other people's business. So, kiss your local drug users, they're good for our country.

Now, let's talk about my favorite subject: prostitution. In case some of you militant feminists didn't know, prostitution is not an occupation exclusive to women. As a matter of fact, there are many male prostitutes (HE-whore) out there that proudly provide the same services as their female counterparts.

Prostitution is one of the few professions that engage in the business of libido control, which is an essential component of every society. A country full of horny people is unpredictable and dysfunctional. You never know what's going to happen next. A horny person does not make rational decisions. A horny person cannot be trusted. A horny person is always on the edge. Some of the most devastating wars started when decisions were made while leaders were horny. That's why we never faced the danger of war while Bill Clinton was in the office.

Prostitution is a sensational business model. Where else can you find the same stinky, beat up, overused product being sold over and over again? That, my friends, is an ingenious marketing technique, which should be taught in business schools all over the world. The only business that requires no red tape, lawyers, accountants, or board members.

Prostitution brings honesty back into casual relationships and frees the human race from pretentious manners. You don't take a prostitute out to dinner, buy her flowers, or lie to get her into bed. You don't have to impress a prostitute with your money, car, or house. You don't have to buy a prostitute expensive gifts or compete for her affection. You pay, do your thing, and get the hell out; no attachment, no promises, no problem, which is ideal for today's busy life style.

Support your regional drug users and prostitutes. They contribute more to our society than you and I ever could.

Email your comments for The Iranian letters section
Send an email to Siamack Baniameri

By Siamack Baniameri



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