Persian cat on crack
constantly nags, starts rumors, gossips all day and considered me
August 7, 2005
Crap like this occupy my head all
* Homosexuals in America have been fighting for years
for a right to get married. Women in Iran have been fighting for
a right to get divorced!
* A woman who receives money from the opposite
sex for sexual favors is called a prostitute. A man who receives
money from the opposite
sex for sexual favors is called a lucky bastard! Don't know
about you, but I've never come close to being a lucky bastard.
new billboard in the city of Mashad warns Western tourists:
kiss your ass good-bye
Hanging with the boys
hanging from the ropes.
Do him in the butt
get your weenie cut.
Play with his whale
and you go to jail
Naked in his bed
don't you touch his head
Welcome to the city of Mashad,
-- and mostly paranoid --
* London News Flash -- A suicide bomber got fired
when he overslept, missed the bus and on the way back to the mosque,
and his backpack got stolen.
He was arrested when he turned up at the Metropolitan police station
to claim his
* If the majority agrees with you, chances are good
you're on the wrong track.
* If your mother divorces your father and
marries your uncle, does your father become your uncle and your
uncle become your father?
Wouldn't your mom
become your uncle's wife? How about your brothers and sisters? Wouldn't
they become your cousins? What about your cousins? Wouldn't they become
your brothers and sisters? I'm confused!
* My Persian cat is high on crack, constantly nags, starts rumors, gossips all
day and considered me a failure.
* Advertisement in a London magazine : Do you
look too Middle Eastern? Do people panic when you step inside a bus? Are
you no longer able to carry a backpack?
Did you have to throw away all your baggy clothes? Worry no more. London's
most skilled plastic surgeon Dr. Shakespearian can make you look German,
Australian, Scandinavian or Welsh. Our new system of total makeover
is so effective that
it even fools the Imam of the masque you attend every day. Come in today
for a consultation and you will receive a one-week's supply
of body hair
removal products for
to miracles of modern medicine, my 95-year-old great grandfather has a new
lovechild. His 16-year-old mistress was convinced
get pregnant when she heard my great grandfather scream, "Who's your
daddy," while swinging from the chandelier.
* I met a new Iranian girl
who describes herself a homophobic, psychotic bitch who likes torturing
men for sexual pleasure and often skins animals
alive to calm her nerves. I think I'm in love!
* A prostitute offered me a good
time for $20. I asked her if I could have an okay time for $15 and a horrible
time for $5.
* Funny how we all went berserk when the
National Geographic Society added "Arabian Gulf" next to the Persian
Gulf. but nobody said a word about 1 million barrels of oil and petrochemical
products being spilled in the waterway every year. I guess cleaning-up the
Persian Gulf would require us to do actual work.
* I'm selling my left
kidney on eBay. The bid is up to $3. I can't wait to find out how much I
can get for the right one!
* I knew I had become Zan Zallil
(pussy whopped) when:
-- My hands felt like sandpapers because I
refused to wear gloves while washing dishes every night.
more familiar with cleaning brands than tool brands.
My back was
sore not because of playing soccer with the guys but because
of pulling and pushing the vacuum cleaner all day.
-- I always smelled
I could disassemble a vacuum cleaner in two minutes
but had no clue what's under the hood of my car.
I knew how to
make Ghormeh Sabzi from scratch but had no idea how to change
the gas tank in my grill.
I was the only one among my friends who
knew the difference between gentle cycle and normal wash.
hours at COSTCO but I had never been to CHECKER.
-- My mother-in-law
called me to get recipes for her dinner party.
couldn't name a single player in the Iranian National soccer
team but I knew the name of all
at the Food Network.
I got excited when Martha
Stewart was released from prison
Siamack Baniameri is the author of The
Iranican Dream, (Virtualbookworm.com Publishing, December
2004). Also see Iranican-Dream.com.