Beamer survey
Is
it true that BMW owners have sex average 2.3 times per week?
August 12, 2004
iranian.com
We all have moments of epiphany and rude awakenings
in our lives, a
sudden leap of understanding that hits us like a brick. Moments
that force us question common wisdom and everyday beliefs. While
flipping through the pages of a car magazine, the other day,
I came across a piece of news that
answered my most trying question in
life.
"Do you know that BMW drivers have more sex than owners
of any other cars? ... A new German car magazine has just found
out this most interesting revelation! The German magazine 'Men's
Car'
found
in a survey of 2,253 motorists aged 20 to 50 published in its
inaugural May issue that male BMW drivers say they have sex average
2.3 times
per week."
I realized at that moment that my shortage of dynamic sexual
affairs and less than ideal sex life is not because of my lack
of personality or unpleasant character, but my damn car.
That's
right; my 1991 Isuzu pickup truck was costing me not only a smooth
ride but also great sex. It all made sense. What a relief. And
I thought it was me.
Come to think of it, I've noticed satisfying grins on faces
of my BMW-driving friends, which has been probably the result of
their secretive "2.3 times per week" sex life. Now
I understand why they are always exhausted or
why they mysteriously disappear for a day or two every week.
 But at the same time I certainly couldn't trust a survey,
especially one that's done by a German car magazine. I mean,
I can recall reading about a survey that Germans conducted in 1940
which concluded, "Hitler is the gentlest leader in Europe's
history." Or who can forget the German survey that concluded, "Michael
Jackson is a white Aryan man trapped in a white American woman's
body."
So I decided to conduct my own survey to check the validity of
the German's results. Since I associate with a good number
of Iranians in my hometown, finding BMW owners who are willing
to participate in my scientific survey was not a difficult task.
As a matter of fact I had to think hard to find a friend who does
not own a BMW other than me.
So in a massive email campaign, I confronted my BMW-driving friends,
co-workers, family and associates with the following question: Is
it true that BMW owners have sex average 2.3 times per week? Here
are some of the responses:
* Since purchasing my 330ic I haven't
noticed any changes
in my sex life, but my dog is certainly looking at me differently.
* Hey, man, I'm married and I need more than a BMW to get
some from my wife. Maybe a private jet!
* Car has nothing to do with luring women into your bed. Try drugs.
That works every time.
* 2.3 Per week my ass? I'm lucky if I get that per year!
Maybe I got the wrong model!
* So it's my Beamer, and all this time I thought it was because
of my good looks.
* I have not gotten laid since I bought my BMW. I think I
have a better chance in those boxy xB cars with a bed in the back.
* My BMW has not helped my sex life; however it has managed to
get me two speeding tickets, higher insurance premium rate and
a monthly payment that can buy me a three-bedroom house.
 * My BMW
has got me laid once, if sleeping with my roommate's drunken girlfriend
in the garage of her dad's house counts.
* It is true that BMW owners get laid more. Just ask my local drugstore
how many packs of condoms I buy in a week and ask the
bouncer at my regular hang out how many chicks get in my car between
Thursdays and Sunday. It's not the BMW, it's the BMW state
of mind that gets you girls. Oops, I'm out of condoms; gotta
go.
* Yeah, I am surprised it took a survey to figure it out. Maybe
they should have saved themselves a lot of time and just asked
me.
* Of course it's true, not that I'm bragging or anything.
By the way, CNN and MSNBC have reported the same thing so there
is no doubt the results are correct.
* Bullshit. Women in this time and age are more sophisticated than
to go in bed with a guy just because he owns a BMW. Now a Ferrari
is a whole different story.
 * I'm bringing down the BMW average. I don't recall
what a naked woman looks like.
* Notice that the survey was done in Europe. European women jump
in bed with anybody even if he drives a tricycle.
* That's exactly what my BMW dealer told me before selling
me this piece of shit.
.................... Say
goodbye to spam! *
*
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