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Intrusive memories


June 24, 2006

"Intrusive memories. Nightmares. Flashbacks"
but are they intrusive if they are all you have left?
Are they really nightmares if they happen when you are awake
And are they flashbacks if you've never moved forward
Please don't label it
don't try to put a name on the pain
my pain
don't try to
fit the screaming and the crying and tearing
at my skin and hair and face
into a pretty box
slap on a "damaged goods" sticker on a girl
whose life you have not lived
don't pretend
not even for a moment
that you know what it is
to look into a glass reflection
of a the face of a look alike
and cut and cut cut cut
until the pieces of your hair surround you
only to find that damn. You still recognize yourself
"Detachment. Avoidance. Numbing"
but I am not detaching, I am looking for
a place
where their stares do not hurt me
and their looks don't break me to the ground
and I am not avoiding
I have just created a glass
A beautiful clean glass
That they can not enter
and there is a sadness
such a deep burning emptiness
of no longer smiling at the sound of children laughing
and no longer desiring to touch a newborn baby's toes
of no longer feeling the warm tears that come with the death of a loved one
do not call this emptiness "numbing"
this implies that the block of ice settled inside was
applied by me
do not give a name
to something I live every
but still do not understand
do not label
who I have become
and wake up to
and go to sleep with
and stare at in the mirror
but still do not know
further, still
do not want to know.

For letters section
To Tahereh Tavous

Tahereh Tavous


Book of the day

Three volume box set of the Persian Book of Kings
Translated by Dick Davis




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