Dictionary of Iranian characters
Do you recognize any?
September 17, 2003
The Iranian
Over the years, Iranians living abroad
have gone through much turmoil to adjust to a kind of
culturally amphibious existence.
The force of such a fusion of cultural extremes, and
the conformance, or non-conformance reflex of our
people towards an alien culture has galvanized
different extremes of persona.
I have used my own
experience to coin some terms that may become popular
for some of these Iranian stereotypes. Do you recognize any of
these characters below? See if you can define some stereotypes
of your own and perhaps we can compile a new dictionary
of terms and stereotypes.
I must be careful for here since I am giving away too much
of my own persona! For you see what you want to see and choose
the way you want to see them. Some of these are Iranian anti-heroes.
But, admit it, which one stayed in your mind: Chin Chin the panda
having babies or the O.J. trial?
Bohiranian
A Bohemian Iranian with artistic or literary interest
who disregards conventional standards of behaviour or
at least puts up such a facade. Talent, or actual
portfolio of creative work would be a plus but not
necessary. Attitude, however, is very important.
There are plenty of talents and some real Iranian
Bohemian behaviour out there; I know, I have seen it.
This is what happens when you reject the world out
there, or at least the world out there rejects you!
Pure Cool Wool Sufi
Cool wool is a type of wool that you can wear all year
round. The term Sufi
is Arabic for "men of wool" i.e. a Muslim mystic,
because Sufis used to wear woolen garments. A Pure Cool Wool
Sufi, however, does not necessarily need to be a devout
Muslim or indeed believe in God. He, or she, would generally have
gone through
a cultural re-discovery and have a greater fascination for Persian
mystic poetry such as Rumi, Hafiz, or Khayyam.
Pure cool wool Sufism ranges from someone with a chic Sufi
accessory-persona to a true poet-philosopher.
Nasaaz-Nafroosh
Watching others do well, but not making ends meet can
be a big burden on the pre-revolution generation who would have
been brought up on a diet of parental dreams or indeed,
in some
cases, living off their financial investment well
into late adulthood.
To overcome this, one must chase golden pots at the end of the
rainbow, or build palaces in the sky.
Such fantasies are usually manifested in
business plans, which lack capital, skill, and indeed
dedication. They never take
off but fanciful ideas keep the dream factory pumping.
Restaurant Revolutionary
A Restaurant Revolutionary would start a movement to
change the world, the regime in Iran, Iranian culture, or even
the use of the Persian language whilst munching on butter-dripping
chelo-kabab with other
Restaurant Revolutionaries. But the movement ends as soon as
the bill arrives.
Che Avaareh
Che Avaareh is always following in the footsteps of
Che Guevara. However, despite Che Avaarehs
being sincere about fighting for a cause, they would
do well sorting out their own life first before
thinking about changing others. The main problem of Che Avaarehs
is that they have a passionate heart but no real place to
call their
nest, so they jump from one cause to another. Che
Avaareh is the antithesis of Che Agaah who leads a
balanced life and hits it on the bull's eye as far as
their mission or cause is concerned.
Peereh Moghaan
Generally intelligent, determined and hard working,
you would see Peereh Moghaan in a college or
university.
He is a mature Iranian student who has been a
victim of circumstance. It could be that he has
not had the opportunity to have access to education
but does not see age, circumstance, or a foreign
culture as obstacles to rebuild a new life. Talking to Peereh
Moghaan is always a pleasure and you realise that this determined
person has such wonderful insight
about what life is all about. The term is unisex by the way.
Smoking black sheep
If you have ever been to an Iranian concert you might
notice that somehow we Iranians find black to be a chic
colour. We wear it as if it is a uniform. Perhaps it
is!
In a crowd, you would normally see them
all in black chatting and puffing away in the corridors.
I once went to an Iranian concert in London, which was
incredibly bad, by the way. The organizers had charged a
king's ransom for the tickets and must have filled the
hall over three or four times the capacity. With so
many people smoking, and everyone wearing black, I
thought we looked or at least were treated like... smoking
black sheep.
Enigmatic Moneer/Morad
A parody of the enigmatic Mona Lisa, Enigmatic
Moneer/Morad is the Iranian lady/chap who works in a
big office/hospital/whatever and says very little but
always has a sweet-and-sour smile, yet you
never catch the name.
They smile privately, or sometimes at you,
because you are recognised as a fellow Iranian. Whatever the reason,
that smile somehow gives you a clue that there is more to them
than what others would notice. I suppose you might say: "Magar
foozooli bacheh?"
Shopping Mall Malakh
This is Malakh as in locusts that devour hectors of
ready to harvest fields of wheat or barley. The term
Shopping Mall Malakh would be applied to bargain
hunters who have a psychological urge to unwrap and
tear to shred every single department store bra or garment packaging
to find that bargain item other hunters have
missed.
Sushi-Paacheh Paz
Sushi-Paacheh Paz as in Kaleh-Paacheh Paz. So why put
sushi in union with kaleh-paacheh? Well to start with
nothing could be more alien to an Iranian diet than
Sushi, but I am sure many Iranians have acquired a taste for
it, just as I have. A Sushi-Paacheh Paz is someone who successfully
combines a very alien concept with a very traditional
Iranian one.
Suburban Shahanshah/Shahbanoo
Ok, so Iranians in the neighbourhood
finally decided to get together and have that one big
family picnic or game of football that everyone had always
promised.
There is always one individual who ends up doing most
of the organising and somehow ends up being the king
or queen of the suburban empire. From that moment on
they act as if they have a mandate from God to look
into your life and rule over the community.
Valiye-Fagih
This character is sometimes very nice,
and indeed can be the best thing that happened to your
community -- if you are lucky. But sometimes they are particularly
nasty as in "Dangerous Liaisons" or "Arlington
Street" kind of nasty.
Hugo Boss
Agha, or Versace Khahar
On the surface Hugo Boss Agha or Versace
Khahar look very modern and
even trendy. But the facade does not match the old-fashioned
interior. Within a minute of a conversation you find that having
finished his round of duty with all the local girls,
Hugo Boss Agha is finally looking for a bashful
virgin and wants to settle down.
Although Versace Khahar may end up being the bride.
La Dolce
Vida
No, I am not talking about the Fellini's icon of
beauty, Anita Ekberg, splashing her legs in
the Trevi fountain as seen through the eyes of a
womanising Marcello Mastroianni. We
are talking about idealising the image of a woman who
remains forever out of reach.
Iranian girls can often be stunningly beautiful.
Sometimes you see this one beautiful girl (in my case,
whilst my wife is not watching!) who simply catches
the eye and makes the entire background disappear.
Have you found your La Dolce Vida?
The ladies can have their male version, which is La
Dolce Vahid.
Luigi Sag-Seebeel
Luigi Sag-Seebeel passes himself for
an Italian stud, although in conversation you find
out that if it weren't for the Islamic Revolution, this
chap would have been roaming the nightclubs of Laleh-Zar and
knocking off aragh sagi.
Don't make fun of Luigi Sag-Seebeel, for he is only trying to
survive the anti-Iranian climate. The seebeel, by the way,
can be just a symbolic moustache rather than a real one.
Polarized Hamvatan
Fellow Iranian country folk have two magnetic
poles; one that attracts them towards other Iranians and
one that runs away from them like they are trying to avoid the
plague. Sometimes this polarity changes over night. A Polarized
Hamvatan is someone who approaches fellow
Iranians with a pre-conceived positive or negative
attitude which often does not conform to reality.
Night-time Nazanin, day-time Ejdeha
Is this the same person you met last night?
We are talking about Mr. or Ms. Jackal and Hyde here.
It might be a general discontentment with life,
personal problems that you would not understand or
simply a recurring bad hair day!
People in an immigrant life style wear many masks for
different circumstances; sometimes these masks flip without warning.
Imported Aroos/Doomad
It is not uncommon to find this chap, or gal who has gone over
to Iran and found that ideal partner in a matter of days.
Do not judge such hamvtans too quickly. It is prudent to spend
a fair bit of time with a partner before marriage, but
this method works for some people. Would you judge them the same
way if they ran off to Vegas and tied the knot overnight? Of
course the flip side can be marriage between two people who simply
fantasize about the best of both worlds but are heading for a
rude awakening.
Whassup Ghareebeh
So you changed jobs, moved house, held on to some
friends and lost others. There are always a few
friends who are happier living with the idea that they
still have friends rather than actually having any. Don't feel
guilty; this is the life we have. You can't always hold on to
childhood friends when one day you are working in one city
and then somewhere else.
You therefore end up with some "Whassup Ghareebeh"
friends who call out of the blue several years after your last
contact. Keep up the illusion. You
might save the friendship or at least have
fun with the nostalgia.
Telecom Faameel
Just as in "Whassup Ghareebeh" friends, you can have
"Telecom Faameel". When circumstances do not allow meetings
in the flesh, it is the telephone that can keep the bond with
your relatives. At the very least you might need
them to rediscover who you
once were. It does not matter if you have
changed to the point that it feels you are speaking to an
alien from Mars. Stay in touch.
Sadegh Bee-Hedayat
If Sadegh Hedayat is well known for being very sincere
in his writing and takes your emotions in a particular
direction, then Sadegh Bee-Hedayat is the exact
opposite. In other words as soon as you meet this
character you realise there is nothing sincere about them and if
you carry on the conversation you may end up where you
don't
want
to
be! This is a good time to make
a quick exist.
O.P.M. Qomarbaz
O.P.M. stands for other people's money. O.P.M.
Qomarbaz borrows and loses money because he simply does not
know how to manage finances. Having exhausted
all credit cards and bank managers, he tries to use relatives and
friends to talk you out of your hard earned cash. If the O.P.M.
Qomarbaz that I know is reading this then can I have
my money back please?
Mr. or Ms. Fess
Fess as in the sound that a balloon makes when it is
losing air.
Empty words, or gestures are the trademark of Mr. or
Ms. Fess in most aspects of life.
Rustam Bee-Dast
The opposite of Rustam Dastan who is famous for
chivalry. Rustam Bee-Dast promises you the world and then
drop you like a ton of bricks when you most need help.
Qorbat Mama, Baba
Sometimes help comes when you least expect it.
Years ago one of my close relatives ended up in the
dirtiest, most horrid refugee camp you could ever
imagine. Instead of being helped by his Rustam Bee-Dast uncle,
who always promised the world, this seventeen-year-old chap was
helped by the most
affectionate, lovable Iranian Mama/Babas in Qorbat I have ever
come across.
Machiavellian Hamvatan
When Niccolo Machivelli wrote about using all the tricks
in the book to stay in power, he did not know that five
centuries later there would
be Iranians following his tricks word for word. We are good at
getting around any system. Call it first
generation immigrant culture if you like, but we have worked
hard to get to where we are and we are
not going to lose everything by acting
passive. We are affectionate by nature, but we have what
it takes to make it to the top or at least recognize
other's deceit.
Tazieh Pavarotti or Ms. Butterfly
Tazieh Pavarotti or Madam Butterfly pour their heart out to make
a scene and entice your emotions at a drop of hat.
Remember that sometimes being affectionate can be used
against you, so watch out! It is not strangers who can get to
you; it is the those who are closest. But don't stop loving those
close to you. We are all
just people after all no one is perfect.
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