August 7, 2003
The Iranian

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Question

* What does he want from me?

i gave my heart and soul to my ex-boyfriend, and he ended up cheating on me. well, i was told that he was holding hands with some girl at his school. and i got really pissed. all of this occured 5 months ago, just before spring break. after these long 5 months, one night he is online and IMs me, except it was my friend on my screename. she tells me later on tho that he IMmed me.

the next day i IMmed him and we started talking. he gave me his new cell # and wants me to call him when i get back from vacation. i really want to, but im tempted not to. everyone who knows us says we're gonna get back together, and that the start of our friendship now means he wants me back. its weird tho because only out of the 5 months we only talked 2 times, online, the day we broke up, and the day i bitched him out for choosing a white girl over me. he confuses me so much.

my best friend says that we're gonna end up getting back together since he finally realized he hurt me really bad and realizes he does love me. since i did hear from another friend who used to talk to him alot that he stopped loving me. im so confused. he wants me to call him, and i really want to, but i want to get back together, and im not sure how to get it to him that i do. i dont know if he is single, but im hoping he is, because im so in love with him. he means so much to me, and im going crazy!!!! he never kept in touch with any of his ex-girlfriends from before. what does he want from me?

Crazy n Confused

Reply

Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write:

Dear Crazy n Confused,

WE would give you a lot of the same advice we gave in our previous column "Once a cheater". Although you say you are in love with your ex boyfriend and nothing has calmed your feelings even after five months, love is not always the all and out answer. You have to remember how hurt you were at the time that he cheated on you and whether you are willing to risk getting hurt again like that.

Before getting back together with your boyfriend, you two need to discuss what has happened and how things will be different from now on. Is this a strictly Internet relationship? Do you live in two different cities? If so, you have to think about if you are ready for a long distance relationship. This is a huge commitment, and difficult to keep even for older, more experienced and mature persons.

Also, how do you know he has not kept in touch with his other ex girlfriends? From what he has told you? Is there really any trust between you two?

Also, why are you so irked that the last time he chose "a white girl" over you? Do you have some insecurities or worse, prejudices about races? We suggest you have to focus not on the race or ethnicity of other people but on the fact that your boyfriend cheated on you. An awfully illogical female reaction in love troubles is to blame the "other woman" when the real center of attention should be the man you chose to trust, respect and love and who has betrayed you.

We hope you think about all these issues before you make your decision.

Sincerely,

Abjee Pari and Abjee Fotti

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