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That torsheedeh feeling

Do I really need a spouse to feel complete?

April 11, 2002
The Iranian

I distinctly remember sitting in the living room of our first house in Australia when I around 7 and doing some serious 2nd grade mathematics. My math was always better than the rest of the kids at school. I was working out how old I'd be in the year 2000. I added, subtracted, multiplied and divided until I came to the number 23. I, Azadeh, would be 23 in the year 2000.

I remember thinking "Sheesh. That's so far away," as I packed up my books and put them into my room. "By that time, I'll be married with at least 2 kids and working too. Yeah."

As I got older, maybe 15 or 16, I was planning my BIG NEW YEAR'S PARTY for 2000. Imagining a party with hundreds of people, good music and a lot of good food. Me with my husband. Although the idea of having kids was out of my mind at this time, I was still going to be out of school and working.

Then the dreaded year 2000 hit, the eve of the new year, I was at a friend's house where the average age of the majority of the crowd was 14. The fireworks were, well, embarrassing and no sign of a husband anywhere. Forget the husband, I was nowhere near finished with school and work. Job? What freaking job?

I think it was a week or so after that party that I decided something was to be done. I was intelligent and competent (not to mention cute) and I was unhappy with my life. If you have read any of my other pieces, you'd see what I've don since the year 2000.

But now, we're onto something bigger? TORSHEEDEH. Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, I, Azadeh have turned 25 and to put it frankly, am going through a mild case of mid-twenties crisis.

Although I'm in a great place, I can't help thinking back on what I wanted when I was younger. A husband and kids by 23. That's an interesting concept no? I mean let's think about that for a few seconds.

If I had been married with kids by the age of 23, I would never have traveled as much as I have nor worked in so many different places and experienced so many things. I would probably live in my husband's city and be a house wife (not that all women who have kids do this. I'm just saying that I probably would have). Do I really need a spouse to feel complete?

Let's get off that topic now and on to my family. My mother worked while I was growing up and so did my father. They never talked about me getting married early, yet concentrated on my education and making me as independent as I could be. So where did this notion of being married with two kids by the age of 23 come from?

Have you noticed how the majority of Iranian girls see themselves? They all look alike. Same make-up. Same hair. Same clothing. And all with the same intention. To find a nice husband. Woooaaaa okay okay, stop right there. I know exactly what your thinking right about now. Who does this pompous little ass think she is? "Attacking" all Iranian girls out there.

I'm not attacking anyone, let alone Iranian girls. I'm putting my thoughts forward about what all the girls of the world need to think about for a split second. I can only mention the Iranian ones because I am one, and I live in the community.

Girls, in general, what were we thinking? Is marriage the only major accomplishment we want in our lives? Have we not moved even an inch since way back when?

I think it's time. Let's all take a moment and think about what we want in our lives, and if the only thing you want is marriage, then start to think a little more. THINK! You have a brain for a reason. Make plans for your life. Stop listening to your neighbor's grandmother and how she thinks your torshideh coz your not married by 16. We're in a different time, different place. We have options and opportunities and we need to take them; hell, devour them.

So here I am 25. Unmarried. And a life ahead of me.

Join me.

PS: Let me just predict the future and say that I am not an unshaven feminist, but if feminism means that I want to help women become more than just a wife, then I am one. And a proud one at that.

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