|Just as normal as you
For all who can't bear non-virgin yet unmarried Iranian women
By M Taheri
July 8, 2002
Most people here in Iran still believe it is essential for an unmarried woman to
remain virgin, otherwise she is considered "loose" and "vulgar".
Such a way of thinking irritates me, and I know it irritates many others as well
(mainly the women I suppose) as already mentioned in articles such as "Evolution".
But I think we should all learn to respect others for what they believe and their
ways of thinking. The only problem is - this respect has to be mutual. If someone
tells me that he disagrees with pre-marital sex, I should respect him for what he
thinks, but he also must respect me for thinking the other way around.
So, all of you people out there who can't bear to see non-virgin yet unmarried Iranian
women, please, learn to accept our way of thinking too and respect that. Then, we
too, will continue to respect your thinking.
Though it's rare, but still, in other countries, for
an instance in the US, there are also some people who disagree with pre-marital sex.
But they have learned to respect people with a different frame of mind as well.
Instead of trying to first teach Iranians that pre-marital sex is totally okay, we
should first try to teach them to respect everyone for their beliefs and stop trying
to force them into thinking in a particular way.
Of course though, I do agree that we should try to give out our reasons or defend
pre-maritul sex, and maybe attract more people in this frame of mind. But this should
run parallel to the "accepting-the-differences" idea.
It's okay if some people still refuse to agree with pre-maritul sex. What is not
okay, however, is that some people still refuse to accept the differences in others'
beliefs. There are so many problems among Iranians which their roots lie in the lack
of accepting this very fact that difference is a must.
For an example, among the youth, when a new fashion comes, everyone (aside from the
really religious ones and the "geeks") suddenly wears and follows the new
fashion. That's why all girls here wear practically the same montos, the same make-up,
same shoes (high heels usually!), same colors of clothing, etc! And aside from that,
they all try to act same, walk the same, talk the same,... God people!
Can't they find a true personality and characteristic for themselves and choose the
fashions and styles that fit them?! Do they always have to be the follower and never
learn to decide for themselves? And I don't only mean the appearant things in this
Look at a "normal Iranian life": You study like hell and leave everything
else in life aside (or at least you're supposed to) until you get accepted to university.
In university you study hard just to get a degree (you hardly even understand what
your major is about, even after graduating). You (along with your family) look for
You finally find one which seems to match your standards (same standards among everyone
again). You get married (usually without any real love for the other person). You
get a job (which you don't like at all, but then again, you probably don't even know
what it means to actually like your job).
You have children, now, it's their turn: They grow up and go to school. You make
sure they study like hell and leave every other thing in life aside until they go
to university. Then you try to find them a wife/husband. Same old story about the
standards and love in the marriage. You try to financially support them, even if
they have a job. They have children. You do the same things for their children if
you're still alive. And this goes on till you die.
Yay, what a fun life! Hey, why don't I see excitement
in any of you? Holy shit! How can people even call this life? Anyhow, this is the
same "life-pattern" for practically all the Iranians. And now the worst
part- if anyone chooses to live in a totally different way, get married with different
standards, get a job depending on their own likes (a "strange" job), or
even walk differently in the streets, talk differently, wear clothes and make-up
that fit their own different personality, etc... then everyone considers them extremely
strange as if they've come from outer space! Just because they're different. It's
as if you can't do anything differently here!
Oh, and what is this thing with having to be so "perfect" all the time?
Walk perfectly, laugh perfectly, dance perfectly, look perfectly, talk perfectly!
No wonder the majority of Iranian women have plastic surgery on their noses! Everyone's
nose has to be "just perfect". Think about art for a moment: Would it make
any sense if it had no imperfection in it? Art is about being imperfect, whether
it's painting, poetry, music, etc. If it were perfect, it wouldn't be art. Imperfection
is good. Imperfection is the source of life. True perfection lies in imperfection.
I think all of you are familiar with this line: "Zolf-e yaar kajesh ghashange".
And all this, is just like when they say: Let your similarity be in the fact that
you are all unique. I remember back when I lived in the states as a child, there
was a commercial on Pepsi or Coke or something like that, and the slogan of it was
"Different is Good". That's the mentality of people over there, unlike
in Iran. And I also remember my 6th grade teacher would say all the time "Alway
remember: just be yourselves".
But in Iran no one is really themselves, it must be because people
are always afraid they won't be respected by others for who they really are. We haven't
learned to fight for our beliefs. All this also goes for the virginity thing. I just
don't get it- why can't people understand that not everyone is supposed to be just
All I'm asking from the ones disagreeing with pre-marital sex is, don't consider
the unmarried non-virgins as sluts, and don't behave with them as if they come from
outer space. They are human like you, they aren't a different species, OK? Don't
consider them "not your kind" or something. Despite all our differences
we are Human. We face the same reality, only, we might face it from different view
We must accept that no matter what happens or what we do, we'll never manage to make
every single person on this earth think just like us (unless of course they all become
complete empty-headed followers like many Iranians). It's the nature of humanity.
This is just not going to happen, so let's try and learn to accept everyone for who
If you get a chance to, maybe you can change a couple
of your family members or friends. If you're luckier you can change more people through
social activities as simple as writing articles such as this one. If you're even
luckier and you get really famous, then maybe you'll be able to change hundreds of
humans, depending on how famous you get. But this will almost always remain only
a small percentage of the entire world, or even all the Iranians. And plus- the change
could never be thorough and complete.
You can't expect everyone to think like you. It's not only okay, but it is wonderful,
to tell others about your beliefs and the reasons for them so that maybe you can
attract more people toward your views. But until they don't agree with you, accept
them for who they are and for what they believe.