|The Queen Bum
True magic of monarchy: fooling an entire population
By Sana Aryamehr
May 2, 2002
I will never comprehend the mass idiocy of the British public in relation to their
royals. Never was this more apparent than with the recent passing of the Queen Elizabeth's
mother, the "Queen Mum". This old hag lived to nearly 102 years of age,
having never done anything for anyone, including herself. I imagine there was even
an unfortunate soul employed for wiping her wrinkled old bum everyday.
This is the true magic of monarchy: fooling an entire population, the majority of
which struggles daily to maintain an income and a decent quality of life, into believing
that a foul, racist, elitist drunkard actually gave tuppence about anyone but herself.
Apparently, all she had to do was crack a wrinkled, tawdry smile anytime she was
in public and instantaneously she would be regarded as some sort of saint -- a moment
that, once experienced, would never be forgotten by any single Brit and would erase
any future chance of rational thought in regard to the true nature of this woman.
This is patriotism -- that fake religion of unity that's actually based on exclusionism.
Funny how the British settlers (the very ones that drove the Native Americans off
their lands, treated African Americans worse than animals for nearly 250 years and
treated poor White indentured servants like indentured slaves) left Britain to be
free from the monarchy, only to employ the same penetrating patriotism to create
a so-called democracy that continues to pander to the interests of the wealthy.
Even today this method is employed against (not for) Brits and Americans as their
leaders ceaselessly mask their butchery of human populations throughout the world
as a fight against terror -- never actually admitting to their dear devoted patriots
that the fight against terror is a fight they themselves started with their imperialist,
I wonder if education is the answer. Like, what if the entire population of the United
States actually read Howard Zinn's "A People's History of the United States"?
I wonder, then, if people would come to realize how they've been manipulated since
day one. Imagine a North Carolina farmer's 13-year-old son realizing that he, his
father, his grandfather and everyone else before him were used by the American system
to meet the ever-growing greed of a wealthy upper class.
Logicians argue that those middle classers and poor
people who believe the Queen and her brood are godlike figures who abound with humanity
are merely grasping onto a human need for mentorship and authority figures. According
to this logic, these pathetic worker bees see the royals as people who are way at
the top of the world, watching over everyone else and making the world a better place.
But it boggles the mind to think that not for one moment do these masses think about
reality: the Queen takes your tax dollars to powder her pasty face with ludicrously
expensive cosmetics everyday; Prince Charles spends entire days, most days of his
life, in leisure, while you work and worry about bills and daily life concerns; and
the Queen Mum's biggest concern every day was being comfortable so that her petrified
bones (bones which never overexerted a moment in their lives, except for the possible
exception of birthing the miserable wretches that would burden masses for years to
come) could be at ease.
Sometimes I wonder if the Queen ever thinks, with a twitch in her eye and a jerk
in her lips, that she's ripping everyone off. Of course, this is out of the question:
who has time to think of others? Only poor people do, I guess.