Dr. Baadazin

Disclaimer: Not representative of all Iranian gentlemen


Dr. Baadazin
by Parisa Mir

I am going to call him Dr. Baadazin. Even his email address says
drbaaddazin@yahoo.com. When you ask him what kind of doctor he is he
gets angry. He says once a lady whom he met online insisted to find out
what his field of study is and he hung up on her. Well, I guess it is
not something that makes or breaks a relationship, I agree. But it is
tittering on the brink of false pretence.

He says he is one of the five
people in the world with this medical specialty so in all modesty he
doesn’t want to “give himself away”. Vali khoda Google ro az ma
nagireh. It acts like an instant lie detector. Maybe that is why he
doesn’t tell you his real last name. Again, he says it is because he is
so famous that he doesn’t want you to judge him solely on his fame. But
when I mention there is a study to use viruses to attack cancerous
cells, he looks at me as if I am from planet Mars. “how do you know
about these stuff?” Of course he can’t add anything else to the
conversation. He does not hold a PhD or a medical degree. He has a
masters degree and he teaches in a tech school.

On the phone, he tells you he is 45 years old, 5’11” tall, with green
eyes. When you meet him you see that he is 55, 5’6” and he has brown
eyes. The entire image that he has spent long hours trying to make up
for himself is nothing but a façade. But that is not his worst offense.
He tells you change your first name and last name to an American name
so when the police stop you they treat you right.

His favorite old
movie is “The Man Who Would Be King” about an ordinary man pretending
to be a mighty king. But his contemporary favorite movie to which he
laughs for hours is “Date Movie” one of the most offensive movies to
women about an overweight girl in search of love. He specially enjoys
the slap stick comedy parts where the girl does indeed gets slapped
around because she is overweight.

He complains that all the Iranian
women are fat and they always hide themselves behind a child or a
table…If he was a fit 55 year old I would consider his case but he can
barely walk…Oh, and he must have forgotten to dye his hair as of late
be cause it is all kinds of white, brown, grey, red, and a mixture of

He is a walking contradiction. He writes articles in which he tells
people how to live! But he says you won’t find his book on Amazon. I
bet. Amazon only carries the works of such as Paulo Coelho and J.D.

But no matter a rose by any other name is still a rose, he
got angry at me for seeing through him and called me “nothing but a
clerk”. When I walked into an AT&T store to renew my cell phone
contract the salesperson asked me where I worked and what I did in case
I could get a discount. When I told him, he said “Wow, you are the
brains behind the operations…”

I only wish my compatriot could be as respectful, maybe he could stop
being the Man Who Wanted to Be King or pretending to be a doctor and
just accept who he is. Maybe he would stop being so resentful of
others and embrace who he is and where he is from even if it is an
Iranian guy who teaches in a Tech School, what’s wrong with that?