Fidelity Ring

Wedding ring of the future


Fidelity Ring
by Saeed Tavakkol

To All Women:

If your husband is a man and has in his possession a fully functional penis, then he is genetically designed to cheat on you. It’s just a matter of when and not if. And if you don’t know this horrifying fact, you are either relatively naive or totally naïve. Women who don’t belong to either category are classified as simply gullible.

The male character is formed by this retractable object. If this organ is not fully-grown a few times a day then the man attached to it is not capable of demonstrating a fully developed personality in his social interactions. And if it does then the man behaves “normally” therefore he is obsessed with sex about 85% of the times (with 2% margin of error).

Therefore, when it comes to sex, men are a lose-lose proposition for women.

Throughout the history of mankind, women across the globe regardless of their culture, religion, race and nationality have suffered immensely from their husband’s infidelity.

Now that this swift yet profound psychoanalysis of the male gender helped you properly understand your husband, let’s consider your options in preventing him from unauthorized use of his joystick.

The vast majority of women unfortunately simply close their eyes and trust their husbands. They need to wake up and smell other women on their man, sooner or later they will.

Some radical female activists suggest the sudden yet painful hacking off of the culprit penis. This beheading of the male organ is a cruel and bloody proposition. The negative publicity of this drastic measure has made this option unattractive to some women. The entire male gender population is not fond of this option either. Besides, the widespread use of this punishment would eventually results in societies filled with severely injured men and will adversely affects the human procreation process.

The female pacifists on the other hand take a less dramatic approach. They encourage all wives to give a mandatory quickie or perform a wholesome blowing ritual on their husbands every morning before breakfast. This approach is practical yet cumbersome. No wife has ever shown interest or endurance for such ordeal on daily basis just to keep her husband faithful. No husband ever worth that much.

Some women believe in divine intervention. This group forgets that God is a man and he made men in his image. Therefore, no woman in her right mind should rely on God’s sympathy and understanding in this matter.

And finally there are some married women who believe in reciprocating their husband’s promiscuous behavior. Women are created better than that. Besides they are not genetically designed to enjoy cheap sex on regular basis.

History shows that the women have always strived to discover a magical solution to this everlasting crisis and none has been found until now.

The best method of keeping your husband faithful is to use the state of the art “Fidelity Ring”.

“Fidelity Ring” is an electronically monitored tracking device that can conveniently fit on any flaccid penis. The rings are hand crafted and visually exquisite. Fidelity Rings are fully adjustable and available in classic designs or modern styles.

“Fidelity Ring” however is not a piece of fancy and useless jewelry. The ring is installed and programmed by the wife to keep her husband faithful. This advanced monitoring device through its built-in web-cam records husband’s penis activities and transmits video signals to the wife in real time and keeps her up-to-date on the status of her husband’s penis. She is the only one who can de-activate the device or remove the ring.

If the husband attempts to remove the ring without prior permission of his wife, the device automatically switches to choking mode. The ring shrinks in size dramatically and instantly chokes the penis by cutting its blood flow. In this case the culprit organ turns blue and violently shakes its head and gasps for air but the ring is designed not to let go until the subject turns pitch-black. As can be seen, the unauthorized removal of “Fidelity Ring” has devastating consequences.

When the armed penis achieves an unauthorized erection, the excessive blood flow triggers the defense mechanism of the “Fidelity Ring”. The device transmits a warning signal to wife and the LCD light on the ring turns yellow and flashes and a buzzing sound can be heard. This is only the warning stage.

By noticing the first warning signs, the majority of aroused husbands get so scared that immediately lose their erections. In this case the buzzing stops and yellow flashing light turns solid green and the husband can safely return to his normal daily activities. Clinical studies show that after going through this excruciating experience men usually sweat like dogs, take deep breaths and sincerely thank God almighty that the device was not fully deployed. This is the typical result and design objective of the “Fidelity Ring”.

However, if the system is activated and husband does not lose his erection he may either return to his wife immediately and demand a system deactivation or start using his right hand and proceed with the manual relief. Please note that The DNA recognition module built into the ring only allows the husband (the man attached to penis in question) to manually bypass the system and prevents it from full deployment.

However during this warning phase, if God forbid the husband maintains his erection and stubbornly refuses to yield to all warnings or if any other human flesh approaches him, the “Fidelity Ring” automatically switches to code red (execution mode). The light turns red and flashes at higher frequency and the annoying buzzing noise is replaced with a deafening siren. After two seconds of this spectacular audio visual performance, the “Fidelity Ring” shoots a 50,000 volts electric charge directly to the husbands testicles and the shock therapy is repeated every 30 seconds until the offender is subjugated. When the subject is fully contained, the system shuts off. The mission is accomplished and the husband is down on the ground with a smoking gun in his hand.

The truth is that the “Fidelity Ring” works. This new and revolutionary security system has proven to be effective in preserving a healthy and happy marriage. This is a lifetime investment for every married woman. Please note that unlike traditional wedding rings, “Fidelity Ring” is reusable. If you have used the ring on your first husband and he is toasted and out of the picture, you may return the device to manufacturer for a free recharge and software upgrade and get on with your next love life. Husbands may come and go but the ring is yours forever.

“Fidelity Ring” is not just a life saving investment it’s a precious heirloom to pass on to your female offspring for generations to come. On your daughters wedding night give her your own ring and say, “Honey, this is the very ring that zapped your father once and kept our marriage healthy for fifty years.”

The idea of “Fidelity Ring” performs magic even before it’s physically installed. Just ask your fiancé who claims he moves mountains for you if he is willing to use the ring instead. Then calmly study his facial expression and analyze his reaction and make up your mind about marring him. Wearing the ring must be an integral part of any prenuptial agreement.

The traditional marriage proposal by men must be reciprocated by a counter-proposal by women. When a man drops to his knees and respectfully asks a woman to be his wife, she should drop to her knees also and directly look him in the eyes and pop her own question and ask if he is willing to wear the “Fidelity Ring” throughout their sacred matrimony.

This is a defining moment for the couple in love. The man’s hesitation to accept this fair offer must be interpreted as a sign of his weakness and his sincerity must be questioned. The bride-to-be has every right to get pissed off and drop the potential cheater instantly and proceed with her plan B if she has one.

“Fidelity Ring” is the symbol of tight grip eternal love and no woman should ever get wed without one.



Where can I purchase one of these?

by Tonya (not verified) on

Are they on the open market yet?  Hmm... what a wonderful wedding present.  What a shame that you MEN have such weak character!!!!  You're also right about women... for the most part... not being genetically designed to enjoy casual sex.  It's a constant source of amusement in our house... the difference between men and

Sheila K

true but women cheat too as a psychological reaction to abuse

by Sheila K on

When under physical and emotional abuse, many women cheat (that's if you consider that cheating or vengeance). There are number of cases and books regarding this matter.

I say this cause our Iranian culture is a misogynist society and abuse of women is a common practice whether in the country or abroad. I am sure many of the readers are victims of such behavior.

I am more concerned that our women being more naive about abuse than their husband cheating on them. Abuse is worse than cheating. Sheila K