REALITY

When fairytales inform us that 'they all lived happily ever after', they never specify how happily - or for how long that 'ever after' lasted. If it really was for ever after, then it still must be happening now. Somewhere, in some hidden corner of our world, must be loads of ageing but blissful princes, princesses, frogs, dragons, kings and witches. Eternity is a tricky concept. We just don't have time to sit around long enough to figure out what it means. But 'happiness' is a much easier idea to understand.

I also believe happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it (Elizabeth Gilbert)

And it's easy to feel, too......and when you feel otherwise...what then? Would the 'ever after' be compromised?

For me few things are completely impossible, but many are very difficult. When I take on a tough task or set myself an ambitious target, I have to try to make sure that my other commitments are relatively easy to keep up. I know for sure I may have to compromise the quality of some other aspect of my life to get what I want...or keep who I am... This may yet have more repercussions than I realize...or comprehend now...maybe I need more time to clear my head think hard before I decide...but then again wouldn’t it be better to do one thing right than two, badly?

It is true what they say that in desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place...

I tend to believe in the sanity of love….I also believe having a broken heart means that I have had the courage to try for something...but maybe not clever enough to keep it going?

But it is the burden of responsibility that comes to mind, having to watch for the consequences of every deed. I am not sure I have the luxury of acting on impulse…more exasperated….but not quite motivated enough to tackle something like this right now. It's making me wish that I had more power.

The irony is, I know I do. But that requires to stop hanging on to emotions and making bold plans….. Overcoming that fear and the belief that the ever after is only in fairy tales gives me more pain that I can imagine...