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Hajiagha goes to khastegaree (Episode 6)
09-Apr-2008
Episode 5: Fawtee
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Fawtee is a 39 year old woman who still listens to punk rock and despite finally coming to the conclusion of trying to find someone to settle down with she can’t shed her punk style. She met Hajiagha online.
Hajiagha: Hello. When you said lets meet in Starbucks I was going to say I don’t like Starbucks with their expensive coffees but then I said which is more important $4 coffee or meeting you in person.
Fawtee: I must have coffee with everything. Having coffee before a blind date helps me calm down and Starbucks has extra dark Bolivian coffee which is more soothing to me.
Hajiagha: Why are you wearing black? Did you have someone pass away recently?
Fawtee: No. Black is my favorite color.
Hajiagha: You are not kidding. Black clothes, black lipstick, black nails, black scarf, black stockings, black boots. I thought I had seen enough black in Iran with aza banners and so forth.
Fawtee: Black represents the injustice and rebellion against stupid leaders.
Hajiagha: Yes stupid leaders. My avatar has fists pumped up like you just did. You are not a feminist? are you?
Fawtee: No. Death to feminism that shackles women! We need more freedom!
Hajiagha: How much more freedom do you want?
Fawtee: You’ll see. Are you here to talk politics or do you want sex?
Hajiagha: Are we going to have sex?
Fawtee: No sweetie, not now, I was just joking. So let’s talk about you. Why did you want to meet me?
Hajiagha: I am looking for a wife. Do you want to know what I do for living?
Fawtee: No. These capitalist pigs just work us like slaves just to pay bills. Work sucks.
Hajiagha: You don’t look like the photo you sent me. You have too much black and in the photo you sent me you had red hair.
Fawtee: Black is my party color. They don’t call me FawteeCommando for nothing.
Hajiagha: You are speaking kind of Chinese to me with all these black stuff. I’m trying to find a wife. What do we do now? Plan our wedding?
Fawtee: Come on sweetie. Hold your horses you have to meet my friends and we go out few times and then we can get married. I’ve been looking online for a husband or a semi-husband for a while too and I’m kind of tired so I don’t care that you are a clueless Muslim. Islam is underrated anyway.
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Fawtee and Hajiagha plan a date to go to a punk club and have “fun”. As you can imagine Hajiagha is going to be like an elephant in the room not fitting in.
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Hajiagha: THIS IS TOO LOUD. WHY IS EVERYONE BOUNCING THEIR HEADS LIKE DERVISHES? ARE THEY ALI-ALLAH-EE?
Fawtee: IT IS CALLED HEAD BANGING. TRY IT. LIKE THIS.
Hajiagha: I CAN'T. I'M GETTING DIZZY BY JUST LOOKING AT YOU.
Fawtee: SHED YOUR RULES, MUSLIM! GET DOWN!
Hajiagha: WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
Eventually they go outside in a yard where people are smoking.
Fawtee: Have a smoke. These are funny cigarettes. Wink, wink!
Hajiagha: No thank you. I don’t like hashish.
Fawtee: Do you want wife or not?
Hajiagha: Oh what the hell. Everything faday-e wife.
They smoke and have tequila shots.
Hajiagha: Can I squeeze now?
Fawtee: Wait till we get home.
They go to Fawtee’s studio apartment.
Hajiagha: Nice place. I used to be the Super for a building like this. A gay guy used to be my upstairs neighbor. A lesbian was my next door neighbor. Children young as 13 playing soccer in hallways.
Fawtee: Don’t be uptight against gays and lesbians. You want a wife or not?
Hajiagha: You seem like a proletariat with this small and dingy apartment? Did I say it right? Working class, you know?
Fawtee: You talk too much. I told you they called me FawteeCommando. Wait here and I’ll change into something more appropriate in the bathroom. You can watch one of these porn DVDs if you want.
Hajiagha gets undressed and lays naked on the pull out sofa waiting for Fawtee.
Fawtee: Who told you to get naked? Huh? LAAAASSSHHH!!!
Hajiagha: AAAKKKHHHHH!! Why are you hitting me? Shallagh yani che?
Fawtee: It turns me on. Say I WANT MORE MISTRESS!
Hajiagha: I don’t want more.
LAAAASSHHH!! LAAAASSHHH!!
Hajiagha: AKKKHHHHH!!
Fawtee: What is the matter? You want Viagra?
Hajiagha: No last time my Bijan set a world record. It must be your black color and now shallagh which is making Bijan act like a scared turtle.
Fawtee: LAAAASSHHH!!! Say I WANT MORE MISTRESS!
Hajiagha: AAAKKKHHHH!! You are a crazy bitch! What happened to something soft and gooey?
Fawtee: LAAAASSHHH!! You male pig! Kiss my boots!
Hajiagha runs out naked grabbing his clothes and gay neighbors whistle at him!
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But Haji might
by n.zanincanadai on Wed Apr 09, 2008 01:01 PM PDTBut Haji might perhaps...say...want to give Fati a second chance and maybe take her to a Iranian concert? You know dambooli dimbooli kind. Maybe he might even have fun and get a couple of numbers too. Not that he should cheat on Fawtee! man ke basham jorat nemikonam. Maybe he could have a stalked psycho witch in love with him? kheily khandeh dareh.
na...you continue...
by n.zanincanadai on Wed Apr 09, 2008 12:49 PM PDTna...you continue...
By the way it is not crude or mean.
by Anonymouse on Wed Apr 09, 2008 11:39 AM PDTYou can make funny remarks tastefully so as not to offend too much :-) and if Hajiagha says delete the blog you can delete it. It is not being crude or mean.
You can add too.
by Anonymouse on Wed Apr 09, 2008 11:36 AM PDTIn my first episode I said you can add your own episodes. So if you have some ideas give it a try, add it as a comment or your own blog (probably better as your own blog) and I'll skip that episode. It may be a fresh idea from a woman's perspective.
Do you want to write episode 7? try it and I'll skip to episode 8 and give myself a break too.
I just had so many funny
by n.zanincanadai on Wed Apr 09, 2008 11:21 AM PDTI just had so many funny ideas in like 30 seconds but...I'm trying to be humble and not crude or mean. Vali I love this series don't stop.
No I have no clue what he
by n.zanincanadai on Wed Apr 09, 2008 11:19 AM PDTNo I have no clue what he asked the readers about. UNFORTUNATELY, I haven't spend enough time studying Haji Agha. But you know what? If you get him in a relationship, it would be cool to see if he accepts to do dishes and maybe buy feminine products and "honey hold my purse a second" stuff. This makes a good sitcom. I'm getting carried away.
I forgot some bad grammer words
by Anonymouse on Wed Apr 09, 2008 11:02 AM PDTI missed it this time but spelling errors are easier to write than grammer errors but they don't make sense in a conversation you have to build it up, like Bass Master's baiting techniques. I'll try to remember the grammer errors for next one.
As for getting all kinds of chicks, well he is finding them he just doesn't know how to reel them in. It's like going fishing and then the line snaps at the last moment and you loose the fish. He is an artist remember. He can easily take chicks home and show them his art works and woo them, he just doesn't know how to close the deal. Which by the way is the problem with many.
Also if I marry him off I won't have anything else to write about. I was thinking of finding him a girlfriend (finally) and have some "to be continued" episodes where he interacts with his new girlfriend and goes through learning curves, but that takes hoseleh and time which I don't have it right now.
So he continues to go through this slippery slope of finding women everywhere and making mistakes. I'm thinking of having him go on few blind dates with women he meets online. This was the first one. You never know who the person you've met online is going to be like. You get a sudden shock or jolt at the first sight with or without a photo. Who sends a bad photo? Some of them are nice and they don't like you or if they do and you're gullible enough to fall for it you may end up with a crazy bitch, like this one :-)
He asked us about that punk girl he met online remember?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO leave a few
by n.zanincanadai on Wed Apr 09, 2008 10:45 AM PDTNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO leave a few really bad grammer errors they are so funny. SO SO FUNNY. It's his namak. Don't strip him of all of it just for the sake of the reader! Black skirt and boots are great...it's the nails and the shallagh that don't make sense. :) Especially for Haji. All of a sudden he's getting all sorts of chicks. It makes no sense stop the madneeeeeeeeeees.
You haven't seen a 39 year old punk "girl"?
by Anonymouse on Wed Apr 09, 2008 10:38 AM PDTI have. One of the reasons they don't find someone, i.e. get married, is because they are still wearing black skirts and boots and so on. Easier for them to stay as is.
Haji's english is bad but if I were to make it bad it would take for ever to read and understand. So instead I make his english good but his behaviour "bad". It is the whole character not just english. He knows what proletariat is, he just hasn't had the chance to use it. He thinks he is impressing her by using this word. The girl is wearing kind of "communist fashion" remember?
Lastly about the holes in the story, you fill them up. That's how Iranian movies end. It is up to the viewer to decide the ending. I wouldn't look at it as too many holes in the story, I look at it as different interpretations. There are many punk girls and everyone has a story but some things are similar and each of them know different people, so you make your own story.
Anonymouse , Too many
by n.zanincanadai on Wed Apr 09, 2008 10:24 AM PDTAnonymouse ,
Too many holes in the story it makes no sense. 39 year old Iranian woman is rarely a goth. And maybe she listens to soft rock but punk rock? I dunno. What's up with Haji? H's english is terrible why is he so correct all of a sudden, I want to see him say strange things. :) "proletariat " No way haji would ever say that. Maybe in Farsi.
:P