من


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Azarin Sadegh
by Azarin Sadegh
20-May-2009
 

A page from my old diaries of war...written while hiding in the closet of my room during the blackouts. It was originally written as prose, but it became a poem while writing it in Behnevis!


من، چیزی شبیه به پرسش.

شبیه به پاسخ  

یعنی تو نیستم  

یعنی تو کیستی

او چیست

اینجا کجاست

باید پذیرفت. شب را و نور مهتاب را پشت ابر.

امروز به مادرم گفتم چه خوب بود اگر آدم‌های بیشتری دورو برمان بودند.

و ایکاش صدای خنده‌شان بلند بود

کاش زنده‌های بیشتری میدیدیم

من برای یک ذرّه شادی دلتنگم.

من برای یک مکعب کوچک به ابعاد سه در سه در سه

که  پر از حیات، پر از نور، پر از آفتاب است دلتنگم.

برای یک تکه هیاهو

برای یک تکه از هیاهوی جهان دلتنگم

من برای تمام آرزوهای ناممکن دلتنگم.

ایکاش میتوانستم دوباره زمان را به عقب برگردانم.

ایکاش میتوانستم دوباره به دبستان بروم، الفبا بیاموزم، به اولین کلمات خیره شوم، در آنها محو شوم، تحلیل روم.

فقط اینبار ایکاش میتوانستم سکوتم را نشکنم، و نپرسم چرا؟

و بپذیرم تاریکی شب را و سیاهی آفتاب را.

در این دنیأی که موریانه‌ها به همان اندازه حق حیات دارند که آدمیان،

آیا بهتر نیست که سنگ بود و حیات نداشت؟

و اگر لازم زنده بودن رنج بردن است، آیا آسوده تر نیست که زنده نبود و رنج نکشید؟

اگر چشمهایم را ببندم، آیا خوابی‌ هست که مرا از کابوس زیستن نجات دهد؟

 مادرم سکوت کرد

 مادرم سکوت کرد

و سکوت او پر از کلمه بود.

و عمق این هیاهو،  که به من میگفت زمان مقیاسیست برای سنجش درد،

 و شادی مطلق عدم است، هیچ است.


  زمستان ۱۹۸۱  


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more from Azarin Sadegh
 
Multiple Personality Disorder

For your eyes only,

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

To answer your question I have nine brains, well more than nine brains but I could only insert nine emoticons into my avatar, so lets say I have nine brains, and nine souls, but you were killing one of them with your paradoxes, so it was going to be nine brains and eight souls, but the dieing soul made a miraculous recovery from being killed.  So nine brains and nine souls, all of them abnormal.  So, I can’t answer your question, none of them is dead, so no measurable , or not measurable, relief yet.


Tahirih

I agree with Nika...

by Tahirih on

من برای تمام آرزوهای ناممکن دلتنگم.

ایکاش میتوانستم دوباره زمان را به عقب برگردانم.

This will stay in my mind for long.....

Regards,

Tahirih

 


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crying

by prozac (not verified) on

That was Beautiful!

There are some people who keep writing that they cried after reading something here. But their crying is usually not related to what they read or watch . It is because they are suffering from deep depression and they do not know.


Bijan A M

No wonder

by Bijan A M on

that I have always enjoyed your writings. You are a natural. Pure talent. The first time I read this piece I overlooked the intro in English. By the time I finished reading the farsi part, it made me so sad. I thought to myself , she must be clinically depressed…I went back to read it again and noticed the intro. Then, I realized how masterfully you have painted the depth of pain with your words.

I wasn’t there at the time, but your innocent words drilled the sensation into my soul.

May you never feel the same as those days….

 

With utmost respect

Bijan


Monda

Azarin jan

by Monda on

Like IRANdokht some of your words hit me into tears,

 اگر چشمهایم را ببندم، آیا خوابی‌ هست که مرا از کابوس زیستن نجات دهد؟ 

even though I was not living it first hand like you. It is as Sima says, your unassuming language which reminds me of similar emotions I have heard multiple times from my dear ones who experienced those traumatic times in the early '80's. Mainly my neices in their hiding places during the bombings. 

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. And keep writing my dear.


Darius Kadivar

The 80's were Horrible for everyone ...

by Darius Kadivar on

Even in Exile it was heartbreaking to hear about the War and all the bombings taking place in our dear homeland.

Thank You Azarin for sharing your story. Very touching.


Azarin Sadegh

Thanks to all of you!

by Azarin Sadegh on

I truly appreciate your kind words of encouragement! I will use them like a little gush of life.

Thank you! Azarin

PS to MPD:

Dear MPD,

I'm so sorry...I truly apologize for killing one of your personalities with my usual paradoxes! But you're also the only one among us who can actually answer to this one little paradox, if we assume that all your personalities do have their own soul, but linked to the same brain! So when one of you dies (ok...or get killed!) your brain would be able to measure its own relief! 

 

 


Multiple Personality Disorder

Once again you're killing me with your paradoxes

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

 

Yes, it would be easier not to be alive and so as not to suffer, but if one is not alive how one would know how one is not suffering.  So, to know that one is suffering is to be alive, and want not to be alive so as not to suffer.

I don’t think I could’ve made it clearer than this if I were not alive.


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no so!

by meow (not verified) on

Poems should be DRAMATIC to be impactful!

Not necessaarily. Have you ever read Hafez, Khayyam, or Rumi? Even the moderns don't have to be dramatic, to be able to move someone. It is just a style of expression. Some like it dramatic, some subtle, or both depending on situation, etc, etc. Sometimes more can be conveyed through suggestions, and elusiveness, than overt dramatic expressions.

BTW, I liked this poem. It is expressive without pretense. It seems effortless and spontaneous.


desi

Poems should be DRAMATIC to

by desi on

Poems should be DRAMATIC to be impactful!   I haven't read many Iranian poetry generated from the early 80's that read like a limerick or a haiku.  Azarin, this was a moving poem.  I was too young to have experienced things the way you did.  This piece made me experience some things the way you did.  This makes it impactful.  Nice job.


Khar

Simply Beautiful

by Khar on

؛؛و عمق این هیاهو،  که به من میگفت زمان مقیاسیست برای سنجش درد...؛؛

Thank You


TheMrs

Take it easy irandokht, even

by TheMrs on

Take it easy irandokht, even your response was dramatic. I wasn't making fun of you. Sheesh. And besides, I bet my experiences of war were more traumatic than yours. Please don't assume anything. Live long and prosper.


ebi amirhosseini

Azarin Jaan

by ebi amirhosseini on

Simply beautiful & I am sure if one has not experienced the horror of war ( blackouts,bombings,missile attacks.....) can never relate to this poem.

Many times during an air raid I  took shelter in a "Joob",like many others or even under a parked car( foolishly we all thought we would be safe!!).

 

 

 Ebi aka Haaji


default

Simply great

by hossein.hosseini on

Azarin Jaan,

This is a great piece.  I was not in Iran so I can not relate to the drama that our nation/people went through but I hope to God that no nation goes through war. 

Regards,

Hossein


default

برای یک ذره

نیکا (not verified)


برای یک ذره شادی دلتنگم... این بند مثل یک نت موسیقی ماندگار تو ذهن من نقش بسته و برای همیشه با من خواهد ماند.
مرسی برای این شعر دلنشین.


Anahid Hojjati

Beautiful poem Azarin

by Anahid Hojjati on

Dear Azarin, what a beautiful poem you have written and I understand IranDokht's sentiments, and I am moved by her tears. I can almost imagine her tears and in each teardrop I see face of a loved one that was adversely affected by what went on during early 1980s. What I do not undertand is why every comment I have recently read from TheMrs is insensitive?  One time, she calls other writers fat because they object to her shallowness and now she chuckles at IranDokht's pain. 


Orang Gholikhani

When feeling is true : poem or prose : "qu'importe"

by Orang Gholikhani on

آذرین جان

این کلمات سرشار از احساس هستند.

شعر یا داستان هدف قسمت کردن لحضه های زندگیست

این برای من یکی از بهترین نوشته این سایت است

مرسی

به حرف نادانان گوش نده

اورنگ


Azarin Sadegh

I was 19...

by Azarin Sadegh on

Thanks to all of you, especially to dear Souri!

Souri jan, you made my day! I was speechless after reading your comment! Actually, I had no idea about this disconnection. It is a great insight! Thank you! I would love to get feedback/comments that teach me something new (good or bad) about my writing...all I really want is to write better and better. Thanks again! 

Dear the Mrs., I agree with you that this poem is very dramatic. But when I wrote it, I was hiding in a closet, under the dim light of a candle, waiting for some kind of death, a few months into a war, with the borders being closed permanently, after losing cousins and friends in violent deaths, deep down knowing that no matter what, the carelessness of my youth had already died. 

You should feel lucky! Now, I assume that you’re much younger than me, so you had the chance of not experiencing this period at all.  Still, I thank you for reading it and sharing your thoughts.

My dear irandokht, I'm sorry to make you cry..and I'm so happy that there are people like our dear BN who have enjoyed reading it...(Thanks BN!) At least, it's fortunate that we always laugh a lot when we see each other in person!

Thanks again, Azarin 


Jahanshah Javid

1980s

by Jahanshah Javid on

The 1980s, especially the first half, was an incredibly dark period in Iran. If you weren't into the revolution and war, and a woman, there was precious little to smile about or live for. You captured the times.


sima

This is touching

by sima on

I think it is its unaffected sweetness that is touching. Clearly this is something written by a very young person and that's what's good about it. I can see why Irandokht would be touched by its innocence.


IRANdokht

The Mrs

by IRANdokht on

Why would my crying make you laugh and amuse you so much?  I'd be concerned for you if I cared...

You obviously have not had the experience and don't know about the time this poem was written and you probably weren't there either. It's true they say ignorance is bliss.

 

IRANdokht


TheMrs

I think the poem is a bit

by TheMrs on

I think the poem is a bit over dramatic, but that's probably just my taste. How old were you? Good luck with it.

I just had to comment because the thought that irandokht can't stop crying at this is a bit amusing to me. Call me evil but the comment gave me a nice chuckle.

 


IRANdokht

Azarin jan

by IRANdokht on

It's so nice to see a farsi poem from you.

I was right there... this poem of yours nudged me just enough to throw me off the edge and now I can't stop crying

عمق این هیاهو،  که به من میگفت زمان مقیاسیست برای سنجش درد،

and we all know the pain was great, it's been more than a life time since

IRANdokht


Souri

Speechless!!

by Souri on

Dear Azarin

!!This is wonderful !! A masterpiece

I rarely comment on your works because, most of the time I can't connect to them, despite them being skillfully written

Although, there was an old one, about 9/11 I really loved

But, this poem here, is something extraordinary beautiful. I congrats you and encourage you to write more and more of this style. You are a great talented writer

: I specially love that part

 

کاش زنده‌های بیشتری میدیدیم

من برای یک ذرّه شادی دلتنگم.

and

اگر چشمهایم را ببندم، آیا خوابی‌ هست که مرا از کابوس زیستن نجات دهد؟

bajenaghe naghi

azarin jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

very nice writing. i enjoyed reading it.