the best advice i got

bajenaghe naghi
by bajenaghe naghi

when i was just a young boy my father used to take me to restaurants every week so we could spend more time together.

during one of these restaurant visits he met a good friend of his and invited him to join us for lunch. he accepted. he was wearing a very nice light color suit with white shirt and tie. i was busy stuffing my mouth when i heard a big crash of glass on the floor and saw my father's friend standing up with the front of his pants all wet. if i did not know that he had dropped the pepsicola glass on himself i would have felt very sorry for him for peeing in his pants in the busy restaurant. my father's friend who was very embarrassed excused himself to go home and change. he told us his house was very close and he would return in twenty minutes. i timed him. he was back in eighteen.

my father and me could not believe our eyes. he had the same suit and shirt and tie on, all dry and proper. we asked him how he had managed to get home, dry his pants and jacket and get back here all in less than twenty minutes. he looked around as to make sure no one was listening and then whisper like told us that when he goes shopping for suits he buys two of everything. he said by wearing too many different suits people will think that i am a rich man and will become jealous and resentful. also my bosses will think that they are paying me enough that I am able to buy different suits and they will not increase my salary.

he then turned to me and said no matter how much money you have always pretend you are in need of money and no matter how well you feel, always pretend that you are suffering of something. it is better for people to feel sorry for you than to envy you.


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Buying two pants for the same...

by PedramMoallemian on


Buying two pants for the same quality suit is wise as they wear out
quicker. Particularly if its a classic you will be wearing for a long
time. It would not surprise me if your father's friend actually just
changed his pants but felt the rest was a nice story (as well as
advice) to add for a kid that would keep time of how long he took to go
home and change.

I do take issue with how many of us automatically turn things into
an Iranians vs. Non-Iranians thing, as many of these practices are not
unique to us;

  • While in a Mumbai restaurant, I started talking to the guy
    seated next to us that in appearance looked slightly better dressed
    than a homeless person. When he found out what I did, he opened his
    large briefcase to expose 40 Rolex watches he was delivering to a
    client, each worth over $50K. It turns out he had the exclusive rights
    to Rolex for India and still is one of the richest man in the country
    but very much the same outlook.
  • Many immigrant communities are known to buy expensive cars, clothes, jewlery and real estate as a
    sign they have "arrived" in their new land. The Mercedes-Benz
    dealership in downtown Los Angeles for example has a Chinese, Korean,
    Armenian and of course "Persian" fleet departments.

I'll cut myself short as this is starting to become an article with my examples and not just a comment, but hopefully it made sense.

Pedram Moallemian, Los Angeles


Backward culture

by Live From Tehran (not verified) on

I think I saw a movie i don't recall but MICHAEL CAIN SAID SOMETHING SIMILAR TO THIS PHRASE....Regardless, it is sad to say that unfortunately it's a sneaky and ABE ZIRE KARI culture that we'RE teachING our children from the beginning of their lives..WHAT WILL THIS YOUNG MAN ON THE TABLE SUPPOSE TO LEARN FROM THIS" ADVISE"? HOW WILL HE INTEROPERATE THAT? AND WILL THIS COMMENT HELPS TO BUILD THE YOUNG'S MAN FUTURE CHARACTER? of course it does but add one more dishonest and sneaky man in society..

Jahanshah Javid


by Jahanshah Javid on

I liked the fact that you and your father spent time together every week. That was so sweet. I loved my father but we had very little one-on-one time. And he died too soon, when I was 14. You fathers out there... spend more time with your kids!

Darius Kadivar

Hilarious ;0)

by Darius Kadivar on

That was a good One !



by Nadias on

 bajenaghe naghi jan,

That was too funny! Classic cars are worth the price. Even a younger car starts the deterioration process once it is off the assembly line.

I wouldn't worry about collecting for my tall wall. Trust me, my husband to be, will build it himself. I can assure you that he will not want to share me.  :o)

solh va doosti/paz a vosotros/paix et amitié




Whatever makes you happy!

by Ali reza (not verified) on

If you can afford to drive a nice vehicle or live in a nice house and it is within your means and it makes you happy ,go for it.If you are comfortable driving an older car and living in an apartment and you do not have the need for a better car or residence,drive what you have and stay where you are.Those of us who live outside Iran are lost between two worlds.One which we were thought in Iran which tell us to be modest and live for tomorrow and Western culture that tell us to live for today and show off what you have,but we have to live for now and not to forget about future either. What ever you do Just be happy:)

bajenaghe naghi

ebi jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

i think you are the owner of youtube. you know all the tapes that there is in youtube. i love steve mcqueen. he was fantastic in the great escape.

bajenaghe naghi

natalia jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

reading about all the things you need to do for your car i think your friends are right and you need a new car. if you like i can put a jar on the counter with  a note saying i am collecting for a new second hand car for a needy person. at the same time i can collect some money for that tall wall you want to build around yourself and your swiming pool. :-)


Ebi that was awesome! Sepaas!

by Nadias on

You always find the coolest video clips.

Here is one by Kelly Clarkson "Go" ...driving a Mustang of course



solh va doosti/paz a vosotros/paix et amitié




ebi amirhosseini

Mc Mustang !! Natali jaan

by ebi amirhosseini on

My hero,in one of his best films,driving his ??



BN Aziz

Bebakhshid tak charkh zadim be maghaaleh shomaa!.


1997 Mustang V6

by Nadias on

 I drive a Mustang and I love it. A family member told me the other day that I need to replace it with a brand new vehicle because I deserve the best.

I told her, "I do have the best!" I love driving my old car. I would rather just have the transmission overhauled when it is needed. Also, give it a new paint job, carpet job, speakers (woofers). You know what I'm talkin' 'bout?:o)

Besides, if I get another vehicle it would be a 2004 Mustang, V6 of course. It would be Royal blue. I just like the body (very muscular).

I'm a simple person with simple tastes. Okay, so I may feel the need for a little speed. :o) 

Check out the link on the 2004 Mustang. My 1997 has the same body style.

 My advice bajenaghe naghi  jan, is simply to do what is right for you.

solh va doosti/paz a vosotros/paix et amitié




bajenaghe naghi

kaveh jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

i know what you are saying and i agree with you that there is that danger. americans call it a dichotomy. when you go too far the way i am going, there is a danger of being afraid of showing success. and this may in some people diminish their god given drive to be success full. thank god i am not like that and just like ebi jan i don't have that problem since i am not making that much money to buy all those expensive things that we are talking about. but i love success not only for my self but others too. if every body around you is success full, then there will be less jealousy and less envy. 


Showing off, bragging,

by JM (not verified) on

Showing off, bragging, boasting and falunting what you have, and "needing" people to admire you for what you "own" by showing off your car, home, vacation... and clothes a mild disease of the worst kind!
Once you start there's no stopping you.
BN jan I get what your dad's friend was saying.
You don't have to pretend you are poor , just not to make people envious of what you have- at least by being kind and at least somewhat understanding of all people's situation.
Envy creates a negative aura both for the envyer and the envyee!!

Kaveh Nouraee

BN jaan....

by Kaveh Nouraee on

The moral of your story certainly has not been lost here. I think we were all taught to be proud and humble and respectful. But somewhere along the way through generations, those values were mistranslated.

My father, one of only two men who has my complete respect, has taken this living "under the radar" to the extreme. It has nothing to do with showing off or not showing off, really.

While he prepared me to deal with the "fear of failure", he has never been able to help me deal with the "fear of success". This has been a source of tremendous conflict for me for many years, as it has been for my father, who was never equipped with the tools to handle success either when he was growing up.

Agha, don't worry if someone thinks you are missing something. People who think that about others, generally speaking, are projecting upon you what is missing in their own lives. Treat yourself well. No one else wiill treat you better.

My regards to Maryam.


bajenaghe naghi

i asked maryam to read what

by bajenaghe naghi on

i asked maryam to read what i wrote and what others have written. she thinks that most people missed the point of what the advise was. it says don't show off, be a darvish sefat, don't brag about your wealth. that;s all. some people don't go with all this darvish thing and want to have the latest and most expensive car. that is great enjoy it and to your good health. but i personally think the purpose of my car is to get me from a to b safely without any one turning their head and say zaghnabooted beshe or what is he missing in his life that needs such a expensive toy to fill the void. i personally prefer to travel my life below the radar of peoples attention. and maryam wants amused to know that i am not khassiss. she loves me the way i am so there!

ebi amirhosseini

Samsam Jaan!!

by ebi amirhosseini on

Too serious today ! I was just kidding & refering to your comment that you don't work/socialize with Iranians anymore!.

I just declined/refused two offers;one  from BN  Aziz to run his store & the other one from Bill Gates to run his foundation!.

best wishes



Dass roo del nazar Ebi jaan :)

by samsam1111 on

After many years of Crooked friends, Alimony, paying for family in Iran..huge stock market losses, & many wrong decisions I am only a %20 minority silent shareholder in the Co..have no hiring or firing,s via operation a way it,s good I don,t have record is bismal!

&IranDokht; you be happy to know that I drive a Hybrid Honda civic...but still have that old,s a classic now :)  


I LOVE my car!

by American Wife (not verified) on

M...I refuse to be embarrassed about what I

Husband worries (sometimes) that we look like we're trying to act like kids.  Yet HE is the one who buys a cap that matches the car color exactly...LOL.  I drove "mommy" cars for a long long time.  I've always wanted a convertible and by god... I was in South Carolina and now California...

I DESERVE one to drive down PCH... :-)

what an experience. 

ebi amirhosseini

Samsam Jaan!!

by ebi amirhosseini on

Are you hiring !?****


very true American Wife

by IRANdokht on

It always amazes me to see all the luxury cars wherever Iranians get together whether it's 13-bedar, some concert, or just a trip to the persian grocery store...

and there I am in the same parking lot, buzzing around in my Toyota Prius :0)

cuz that's who I am!


Kaveh and Samsam: what do you guys drive now? ;-) just kidding




Iranians in Orange County

by American Wife (not verified) on

Iranians in Orange County obviously didn't get that advice either...LOL.

Drive into Wholesome Choice parking lot... or god forbid... Caspian and Super Irvine!  I've never seen so many BMWs, Lexus', Mercedes...

"We? We didn't buy it. I did. I'm those kind of people."   Kaveh... once again you take me from a chuckle to an all-out "bust out laughing". 

Kaveh Nouraee

How Persian.....

by Kaveh Nouraee on

This reminds me of the time when I bought my first expensive car. It was a brand new, 1995 BMW 540i. Instead of being happy for me, my dad, who thinks a base model Toyota Camry is a form of vain overindulgence, began to lecture me.

"What the hell do you need a BMW for?"

"Who said I need it? I bought it because I want it."

"We're not those kind of people."

"We? We didn't buy it. I did. I'm those kind of people."

"A car depreciates. You know that."

"We only go around once on this planet and every minute that goes by puts me that much closer to the grave. You know that."

"I can't understand why you want to drive such an expensive car....who are you trying to impress?"

"That's easy.......Me."

Samsam..... I went through a period kind of similar to what you described. I came to the realization that when we have nice material things or are successful and lose them like that, we really can only blame ourselves. Subconsciously, we were raised to believe that we don't deserve to have those nice things. BN's story is a perfect example. Therefore, we end up empowering these people to undermine us.

Bottom line, if we don't treat ourselves the way we would like to be treated, no one else will treat us that way, either. We Iranians are masters at the art of being our own worst enemy.


So so so true..Dear Bajenagh Jan..Friends & staff

by samsam1111 on

screwed me big time when young and stupid in early days of my business..that well dressed attire, big condo & sport coup mercedes  screwed me BIG time..eventhough I worked hard and was kind & considerate to many whom I hired and took care of them as friends .I even hired brand new refugees and paid them regular salary under my own social insurance..just to help..and these same folks &every so called friend & staff who worked for me(all Iranis) tried every trick in the book to stab me in the back..from trying to steal my clients to bad mouthing me behind my back or vandalizing...etc..(they even used to lie to my Fiancee then that I had an irani wife in Iran & that I was fooling around on her behind her back while working)..the outcome was that I lost half of my bussiness because of Jealous,,vicsious so called,s been 15 years that I don,t socialize with any,s in the blood...if only I met your great Dad earlier..

it would have kept me from a lotta pain...


Advice Applicable Only to the Iranian Society

by t (not verified) on

The advice may apply to Iranian society, however it will back fire in the Amercian culture.

The sharper you dress the more raise you receive because your boss feels he/she has to "support" your standards. Plus, you are more likely to receive a promotion.

Some verbiage from advice column regarding "Getting that job, promotion or raise":

"The first thing we want you to do is write the following sentence in big bold letters and put it in your closet. "You will be what you wear." Yes, the syntax is a little garbled but the sentiment is clear. If you want to know whether you'll get a promotion or a raise, don't read your horoscope, tarot cards or the lumps on your head. Just go to the mirror. How you dress for it is the best predictor.These words of wisdom should apply whether your place of employment is a film studio or fast food franchise. Whether you wear suits or sweats, silk or polyester. Whether you're at the reception desk or assembly line. If you want to climb up the ladder, dress as if you're already standing on the top rung."

Also, even if you are ill or not feeling well, pretend everything is dandy because people (including your family) like to associate with and hang out with happy, healthy people not the sick, naggers and complainers.


What a greedy person!!

by What !!?? (not verified) on

مَثل ِ معروفی در ایران ِ ما هست که معمولأ آدم های محتاج

صورت ِ خودشون رو با سیلی سرخ نگه میدارن حتی اگرنون ِ شب ندارنذ بخورند . . .

بعضی آدمها هم هرچه بیشتر داشته باشند مثل دوست شما ناخن خشک تر شده وبیشتر دنبال مال دنیا می أفتند . . .


best advice?

by IRANdokht on

BN jan

now I feel terrible! I hope you heard better advices than that! How can complaining all the time about your health and your financial situation be the way to live? who'd even want to be around you?

it's not too late to change your attitude and start living your life without the fear of what others might think of you.



Maryam Hojjat

Be yourself!

by Maryam Hojjat on

I personally would not care what people think.  Iranians live for other people NOT for themselves, and they do not enjoy their life.

David ET

I feel sorry for him too

by David ET on

because the best advise I got was to: 

 "Live independent of good opinion of others"

ebi amirhosseini

BN Aziz !

by ebi amirhosseini on

Good advise,but no good for me,since I barely can afford the first suit !.


the best bs we got so far!

by Amused! (not verified) on

Explains why most Iranian men are so khasees! mitarsan cheshm bekhoran! ha ha ha! the best BS you have dished out so far, B-e-Naghi! bichareh Maryam!