My Love Affair with Catherine Zeta Jones


bajenaghe naghi
by bajenaghe naghi

The other day I was all alone in the shop and waiting for my first customer of the day, when the door opened, the bell above the door went ding dong, and she walked in.  At first I did not quite believe my eyes.  "Catherina zeta Jones?  What are you doing here -  what can I get for you - isn't this my good fortune - coffee or tea - you look so beautiful... " I said, like a man with verbal diahrria.

She looked at me with a smile that only zeta is able to give a man.

"What is your name?"


"Oh, Ben, really?

"I have been in love with you since God knows when zeta." I confessed to her shamelessly,  "please divorce Micahel and marry me, please, please, please..." I begged her.

"Ben, I don't know how to tell you this.... but I also feel the same about you."

"But you just met me a minute ago!"

"Does it really matter, Ben?  Do you not believe in love at first sight?  Why are men so heartless?  Can't you see my chest is heaving with love?"

I looked at her chest. She was right. It was heaving with love.

I took her into my manly arms and kissed her fleshy lips. I could not let go of her.  She was like air to me.  I needed her more than anything else.  Without her I was nothing but a dead shopkeeper.  With her, in my arms and my lips pressing against hers, I was king of the world.  I was king of the heavens.  I was the only man in the entire universe.  I kissed her long and a very gentle way. When breathing became difficult, I let her go a little.

I looked into her heavenly eyes and said, "but you're married my heaving zeta."

"Yes I am married and I love my husband too. What am I to do?"

"Let's think about this logically. For one thing, I am not as rich as Michael.

"Oh, he is so rich, you can not imagine."

"I am shorter than he."

"Oh he is so tall."

"I am fatter in the middle."

"Oh Michael is so fit and trim."

"As you can see, I am bald on top of my head."

"Oh, I am in love with all the hair Michael has on his head."

"On the positive side," I said, "I have lots and lots hair on my leg.  I quickly rolled up one pant leg, revealing my apish hairy leg.

"Oh please stop exciting me with your hairy leg."  She bent down and brushed my bare leg with her quivering fingers, her lips parted and breathing quite heavily.

Suddenly the door opened, the bell went ding dong and he walked in.

It was Michael, my archenemy.  The rich, tall, hairy, and  handsome husband of my newest love.

He turned to her and asked her why she was taking so long.  She made up a silly story which immediately shut up the gullible foe.
He then turned and walked very close to me.  So close that his nose was just inches away from mine.  I could see the hate and anger in his dilated eyes. He bent his head to one side a little and said,  "If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?"

I was terribly insulted and very loudly started defending myself, "I have never, ever, poisoned anyone or caused anyone bleed specially while tickling them. I am a peaceful man, I what you to know!"

"Michael stop practicing your lines in public, scaring innocent people." Zeta jan said in a forceful voice.  Michael slowly retreated and walked away, not before giving me a condescending sneer.  Then he opened the front door, the bell went ding dong and he disappeared into the hazy daylight outside.

I turned to my Zeta, the light of my life, and I found her looking at me with very sad eyes.
"I was in your country many years ago and I fell in love with an Iranian man.  His name was Javad.  Oh my sweet Javad.  I even leant Farsi so I could speak to his Mom and Dad.  But I guess it was not to be.  He died a week before were to get married.  I left Iran and came to America and five years later I married Michael.
I love my husband and I will never divorce him.  I'm afraid to say that as suddenly as I fell in love with you, I have now fallen out of love." She said, trying not to look into my teary eyes.
She then continued, "when I walked into your store and when I looked at you, I thought I saw Javad.  I was sure you were him. You so much look like him, specially your eyes, your manly arms, and your hairy legs.  Please forgive me," she said, wiping her wet cheeks.

Please give me two bars of the darkest chocolates you have and let me get out of your shop and your life.
I gave her the chocolates and told her they were my gift to her for bringing me so much unexpected happiness in those few minutes that we were together.  
She smiled and took the chocolates and slowly but with determination turned and walked away.
The door slowly opened, the little bell went ding dong, and I saw her gently melt away into the same hazy daylight that had devoured Michael a few minutes before.
I suddenly felt a cold sweat cover my entire body which made me shiver, and I heard myself say: shotor dar khaab binad pambeh daaneh. Gahi lop lop khorad, gah daaneh daaneh.


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bajenaghe naghi

Anonymouse jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

I can't stop laughing and crying. You are so funny. Khoda omred bede dooste aziz. :-)


Bajenagh jaan no not Michael Jackson! Mehrdad, Mostafa, etc,!

by Anonymouse on

Perhaps one of your beautiful customer's boyfriend or husband is a Michael, Mehrdad, Mostafa, Mike or something like that and you have a crush on your customer and everytime you try to say something or she try to say something, perhaps flirt or something, your "arch enemy" Mike barges in and with his bad breath says something to you in close range while you're leaning over your counter and are in la la land!

Does that make sense now?!  If not, I can write a belog for you! 

Everything is sacred

bajenaghe naghi

Thank you

by bajenaghe naghi on

Anonymouse jan, Michael jackson? I think he is a great topic for a blog. I will work on it, my friend :-)


 Farah Rusta Jan that was a great clip of Zeta. Enjoyed looking at it. Thank you.


Ebi jan sepaas bar to dooste aziz for reading and responding. Javaani kojayee ke yaadat bekhayr! :-) 




ebi amirhosseini

BN Jaan

by ebi amirhosseini on

Aarezoo bar javaanaan eyb nist!.

Ebi aka Haaji

Farah Rusta

CZJ: early days

by Farah Rusta on

Here is a very young Catherine in the British sitcom, Darling Buds of May just at the beginning of her road to stardom.



Bajenagh jaan I thought you meant another Michael!

by Anonymouse on

As I was reading your dream I thought you woke up when a "real" Michael walked into your store, not Michael Douglas!  Perhaps subject for another blog.  Although in real life unlike this dream there will be no nudity involved! 

Everything is sacred

bajenaghe naghi

Thank you

by bajenaghe naghi on

Cost-of-Progress jan thank you for your comment. Variety is spice of life. 

yolanda jan thank you for reading and I am glad you like the hairy leg bit :-)

Darius jan thanks a million for the video. I loved it.

Anonymouse jan, everybody is a archenemies in my real life.

sag koockooloo jan thanks for the site. I will file it away for when I am old and rich.

Darveesh jan she is gorgeous but I prefer brunettes :-)

comrade jan thank you for your comments. I did not know about the news story. It seems that I need to check this out.

IRANdokht jan thank you for reading and I pray that khoda az zaboone shoma beshnave :-) 






BN jan-e ashegh pisheh

by IRANdokht on

You killed me with your apish hairy legs too! only if one could tranplant those on top...




Greed is good!

by comrade on

Zeta Jones is of course still beautiful. Her only bodily flaw, in my opinion, is her hands which are just a tad too big, and masculine. But I am sure you were all too busy to notice them. 

I don't want to spoil your beautiful (dream) story, by mentioning her moral flaw which surfaced during a nasty litigation that  she, and her husband had against a neighbour.

As I said, beautifully written. 


beauty you seek?

by Darveesh on



by sag koochooloo on


hahahaha! How many "archenemies" do you have?!

by Anonymouse on

Everything is sacred

Darius Kadivar

BN Jaan As Your Genie I can make Your Dream Come True ;0)

by Darius Kadivar on


Catherine Zeta Jones in her Very First Movie cast as Princess Sheherazade in Philippe de Broca's Mille et Une Nuits (1990)

DVD Available Here



by yolanda on

Hi! BN,

    Wow! What a funny story! LOL! Especially this part:


"On the positive side," I said, "I have lots and lots hair on my leg.  I quickly rolled up one pant leg, revealing my apish hairy leg.




Great Story BN

by Cost-of-Progress on

Thanks for the break (with this piece) from the everyday head butting we practice on this site.

Funny too.