Death Phobia


bajenaghe naghi
by bajenaghe naghi

At each stage in life we look at death in a different way.

When I was much younger, say in my twenties, death seemed to be too far away to even bother thinking about.  But now that I am much older, the concepts of life and death have become way too close for comfort and in fact the ever thinning line that once separated them can hardly be noticed.  I think of death constantly and I keep asking myself what is life all about. Where did I come from, how fast life has passed me by and when is my time to bid this world farewell.

Dropping dead right, left, and center of my contemporaries can not but give credence to fear over my own imminent departure.  I wonder how much of the sadness we feel about someone's death is due to the departure of the poor soul and how much of it is the cold and sobering awareness of our own death.

Having heard me go on about my unreasonable concerns about death, my neighbor Doug came over the other Saturday and told me that he wanted to take me somewhere very special.  Fifteen minutes later we were in the children's cancer ward at our city's teaching hospital.  Room after room was occupied by little boys and girls, some as young as two or three.  They were all bald and tubes were coming out of their everywhere. They looked pale with swollen faces that seemed bruised. Their eyes looked tired and half opened, as some of them gazed into the empty space in front of them.  Seeing them made me cry inside and my heart ached.

When we got to the games room, where some kids were playing, Doug opened the case he was carrying and took out six or seven little fluffy toys and started handing them out.  We got talking with the kids as they played. They were full of life and they laughed a lot.  He asked one of them if she ever thought of dying. All the time was her answer. But I never stop fighting to win, she continued.  I am not scared of death, because to be scared is to give up.  All the other kids nodded knowingly, agreeing with her. I looked at her with my shameful eyes, knowing that this little girl and her very ill little friends were so much wiser and braver than me.

That day those little angels taught me one the most important lessons of my life.


Recently by bajenaghe naghiCommentsDate
Mammad's Shrimp Moment
Jul 16, 2010
My Love Affair with Catherine Zeta Jones
Jun 17, 2010
The Case of Missing Johnny Dollar.
Apr 10, 2010
more from bajenaghe naghi
bajenaghe naghi

Irandokht jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

you are special!  You have wished for me the very things I am wishing for. Thank you.



Dear BN

by IRANdokht on

Nice blog! 

I tried to avoid reading it. You know me...  I didn't want to put a damper on my day reading about death and phobias. I am not afraid of dying, or so I believe, but reading about it is not really my idea of a picker-upper either. But not too suprisingly, this blog of yours was inspirational and positive as usual.

Thanks and I hope you stick around for many decades to see your grandchildren go to college and get married, so you can help them raise their kids too :o)


bajenaghe naghi

Anvar jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

Your idea is a very good thing to ponder on the rest of the day and the rest of my life ;-). Thank you for sharing your beliefs and thoughts. 


Not returning in a physical form…

by Anvar on

Dear *ebi amirhosseini* - Thank you.  In a way, we all search for a good answer to your question.

Dear *bajenaghe naghi* - I agree with you in not believing in reincarnation.  To me, it simply does not serve any purpose.  Not even returning in a human form, much less an animal.

I certainly do not believe in an afterlife in a physical sense.  Let me suggest an exercise to give an idea of what I think may survive.  Let’s say, God forbid, you lose your arms, legs, and some of your senses.  Now ask yourself this question: Essentially, who is *bajenaghe naghi*? (your own name, of course).  Chances are that your missing arms or legs do not prevent you from coming up with an answer.  It is the Answer to that question that I believe will carry on in the afterlife (How?  I do not know!).  Just like the answer exists independently from arms and legs, so can the spirit exist without a physical form.

Of course, when the time comes, if I’m mistaken I will never know that I had been wrong; and if you are mistaken, you will be (hopefully happily) surprised!

Thank you for the exchange.  I hope when you’re 120 and the time comes, you will have found peace and contentment whatever your belief might be at the time.


bajenaghe naghi

Anvar jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

I enjoyed reading your response. Thank you.

For years I have tried to convince myself that there is an after life.  That this few scores of life is not the only thing.  That there is a purpose to our lives.  But my mind can not accept the notion that my spirit will live on, or that I will be back in a different physical form, like a mouse or a dog.  To me reincarnation doesn't make sense.  So here I am thinking that my relatively short life is something meaningless, it will finish and in no time, no one - except my children and possibly their children - will ever remember or know that I was also here.  That I lived, loved, suffered, contributed, and died.  Is that it?  Is this what life is all about?  To be born,  have children, and then die?  Is procreation the only purpose of life on earth?  I am kinda disappointed.  What a let down and I had no option of accepting or rejecting of being here! 


ebi amirhosseini

Mr Anvar

by ebi amirhosseini on

I enjoyed reading every sentence of your comment.

To die or not to die,that's the question?!


Ebi aka Haaji


Phobia of Not Dying

by Anvar on

*bajenaghe naghi* - I enjoyed reading your blog.  I agree that encountering terminally ill children can be heartbreaking and even thought provoking.  Allow me to share my thoughts on death in general.

I would imagine that there are two reasons to fear death:
One is the fear of losing our attachments to all earthly things and what life has to offer (family, belongings, experiences, etc.).  The other is the fear that death terminates our sentience, mind, or essence that we acquire in life.

I must say that, with all my heart and mind, I believe in the afterlife and the continuation of the existence of our spirits.  In a way, I’m glad that there’s no proof of the factuality of that assertion.  A proof, confirming whether afterlife exists or not, would make this life meaningless for me.  How would I behave if I knew the facts for sure?  I’d probably live my life as either a hopeless opportunistic hedonist or a bored automaton in the waiting.  In lieu of a concrete proof, I’m glad that I have to use my faculties to try to make sense of it all for myself.

For those who fear losing their attachments in this life:  Can anyone imagine living in this life and under the same circumstances forever?  500 years, 5000 years, for all times?  If possible, would anyone even desire it?  Would anyone still feel the same love and sense of attachment to life?  

No matter how old we are, death can happen to anyone at any time.  There is not doubt that dying is inevitable.  The question is would the soul also perish as the body dies?  I, for one, cannot believe that the essence of individuals would not persist.  

Believing all that (and more), I have such a phobia of not dying!  I would welcome my timely death and hope it’s not too painful or gruesome.  This does not mean that I don’t love or appreciate what this life has to offer though.  : )


bajenaghe naghi

Thank you

by bajenaghe naghi on

Ebi jan thank you. You are so right. Children can teach us a lot of things, including humility and patience.

Red wine aziz thank you. You are always very kind.

Princess jan thank you. It is so hard to lose a loved one. The idea that you no longer can see them or talk to them is very painful indeed.

Sharzde Asdola Mirza jan thank you. You are very right that in doing good for others we do good for ourselves.

Maziar 58 jan what you wrote was beautiful. I will try to remember this quote too.



maziar 58


by maziar 58 on

And very true as we can learn it every day,But what I learned long time ago was from an old book a friend gave me and on the back cover says : che' strazzio la vita


           e poi morire.              Alberto Moravia

And I'm carrying it ever since.         

translation: what a pitty LIFE,to com to it, grew with it,suffer it and then DIE.                      shad zee        Maziar

Shazde Asdola Mirza

BN jaan: thanks for putting all about death into prespective

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

Yes, the best way to see yourself, is to open your eyes to others.

The best remedy for your own illness is to try and help others. 

Every voice counts! Every action counts!


Thought provoking as always!

by Princess on

Strangely enough I have never been afraid of my own death. I imagine it to be extremely peaceful. I am terrified of the loss of loved ones. Having lost some of my dearests, I am very aware of the fact that the mourning is over my own loss and not necessarily for 'the departure of the poor soul' as you put it.

Thank you for this life affirming blog! 

Red Wine


by Red Wine on

Good one like always ! Thank you my dear friend.

ebi amirhosseini

BN aziz...

by ebi amirhosseini on

A very touching story, we can learn a lot from children's perspective of life.


Ebi aka Haaji