don't bite the hand that tries to feed you


bajenaghe naghi
by bajenaghe naghi

On sunday dilip sri veriveraji was at the store talking about the benefits of tm on body and mind when patrick came in to get his mid morning coffee. patrick is our neighborhood cobbler. he had a difficult marriage and we have heard all his terrible stories over the years.

He has met a number of very nice and respectable ladies and without exception he has messed up every relationship by saying the wrong things and generally having a angry attitude toward women. and these women not knowing his miserable past history never came back. now patrick has become friends with another lady and even though it is not a romantic relationship he seems to have messed up this one too by saying the wrong things and hurting her feelings. when dilip saw patrick he asked him how his new friendship was coming along and patrick told him that as usual he has messed it up and must have said the wrong thing. only if these women knew that patricks anger was not coming from a dark and black heart but was only a self defense reaction. dilip thought a little and said that patricks situation reminded him of a story.

A stranger was traveling through a village when he sees a thin and injured dog lying in the shade of a wall. he takes a piece of bread from his pocket and offers it to the dog. as he brings his hand close to the dog the dog nips him on the finger. he runs away from the dog with disgust without feeding him the bread. a man who was standing nearby tells the stranger that he should not be angry with the dog. he said that this dog has been beaten by every one in the village and he does not trust the hands of humans even when they have food in them. he prefers to go hungry and die than have the hands of a human being near him. you my friend are the same as that dog. some women you have met in the past have been bad to you and have hurt you and now you don't trust all women. you bite them with your words before they can get close to you. you don't give them a chance to show you that they have no intention of hurting you. call your new friend and tell her this story. tell her that you are like the hungry and injured dog. patrick said that he doesn't want to show anyone that he is weak like a fallen dog. dilip said to him that sometimes being humble and to show your weakness only shows how strong and great you are. go and do as i say and i promise you that if she cares for you she will understand and will change her mind and ways and will be more patient and understanding in the future. for the first time i realized how deep and wise dilip was.


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bajenaghe naghi

american wife jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

i know what you mean. if you ask me, and no one does, patrick needs either hair of the dog in the form of a good woman or a better ventilated work shop. i go with the first choice.  

American Wife

I think Patrick needs to deal with his issues

by American Wife on

BEFORE he attempts another relationship.  They are all doomed to fail if he does not recognize and modify his expectations which controls his behavior.  It will be impossible for any woman to deal with his issues or even remotely support him if he himself cannot resolve them.  The suggestion that a "good woman" will help him or understand and adjust HER behavior is extremely naive.  And dangerous to HER psyche.  Now a woman is supposed to deal with her baggage AND his?  Patrick needs much more than a relationship right now.  He needs to make peace with himself. 

bajenaghe naghi

monda jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

you are correct in that patrick does not hate woman. he longs to be with a woman who takes the time to understand him and make him feel safe in their relationship. i am sure there will be a woman with the special vision who will find this diamond in the rough. 

bajenaghe naghi

live from tehran jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

i like and agree with your last two sentences. thank you. but can i add that we all more or less carry emotional baggage. but patrick carries a little more than normal. 


Dear Live from Tehran, I beg to differ

by Monda on

One good way to heal onself from past trauma is by approaching the same threatening agent in different conditions, just as BN's wise friend dilip suggested. Of course it takes much courage and strength to do just that. So in other words I should add, your  approach is case-specific - apparently there are still some aspects of female contact that Patrick feels safe approaching, otherwise he would not bother with women in general. You are right that as saying goes "maar gazideh az maar mitarsad", but in Patrick's case he hasn't yet been bitten that badly because he still hopes and tries to have a relationship with a woman.

Dear BN, this was a very nice share. Have a warm and happy day.


Great advice But..

by Live From Tehran (not verified) on

When you are bitten by a snake you will be afraid of the snake for the rest of your life. In this situation you need to stay away from anything, like a rope!!! or even watching wild life channels :) and start reading some material about snakes until you learn that all snakes aren't poisonous and bad as we thinks..i don't think your friend needs another woman. What he needs is inner healing to find himself. Also women need to protect themselves too. It's not their fault to meet a guy whom carrying so much emotional baggage..

bajenaghe naghi

ebi jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

thank you. i was very impressed too.

ebi amirhosseini

Bajenaghe AZIZ !!!

by ebi amirhosseini on

good advice,


bajenaghe naghi

javaneh jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

thank you for your kind remarks. i agree with you very much. people do not think before or after they speak. we can call it verbal inflation. too many words too little substance. we also tend to look and judge too quickly giving too much importance to what we see and too little to what is inside the person. i think this is because the pace of life has become fast. people have no time to stop and think and touch and feel and then decide. they quickly move on to the next one, as you say. 


Bejanaghe jaan

by javaneh29 on

So true .... I think thats a great piece of advice. Thanks for sharing that with us, I will certainy remember that story.

I sometimes wonder at the shallowness of people. How can they go through their daily contacts and conversations with others and not reflect upon the meanings underneath words and behaviour. Life is not black and white, there are a whole range of shades in between the two. Sadly some people walk away and miss so much of what is important about others because they aren't perfect. The way so many are quick to make judgements and assumptions about others never fails to surprise me.

It seems to me that today life is like a conveyor belt, thats old.. get a new one, not what I think I want.... move on to the next one.

best wishes