bajenaghe naghi

This blog and comment thread is good example of Group ThinK

At the risk of interrupting all the "bahbah" and "chah chah", let me say that I think this blog and comment thread on it is an example of Group Think.

Groupthink is a type of thought exhibited by group members who try to minimize conflict and reach consensus without critically testing, analyzing, and evaluating ideas. Individual creativity, uniqueness, and independent thinking are lost in the pursuit of group cohesiveness, as are the advantages of reasonable balance in choice and thought that might normally be obtained by making decisions as a group.[1] During groupthink, members of the group avoid promoting viewpoints outside the comfort zone of consensus thinking. A variety of motives for this may exist such as a desire to avoid being seen as foolish, or a desire to avoid embarrassing or angering other members of the group. Groupthink may cause groups to make hasty, irrational decisions, where individual doubts are set aside, for fear of upsetting the group’s balance.

monda jan

Thank you.

I am sorry that your boss suffers from this disorder. I hope you have a large office so you can avoid her as much as possible. 

mrlayl: thank you

Thanks for your wise comment. In fact you just spoted the person who know well you were talking about them, without mentioning their name and identity.I appreciated.

Nevertheless, I won't say "Now I, laugh" just because someone went trough calling others "short & fat" [as if it is an insult] or even calling them "pig"!

I know you just did it to remind that person again that we believe there's a human, behind each avatar. Sometimes we know well who they are and what they look like, but, does it really matter? We are dealing with the ideas here, not with the people.

They called me "short & fat" because this is what I said about myself here. They never saw me :) Same thing goes for my childhood and my environments, past and actual, my circle of friends and acquaintances, to describe what complex I have.

But I let them say what they want, as this is a free speech forum. I had no intention of coming here and commenting on this trash, but I did it now, only for your wise comment.

I never address this kind of vicious and low level action, directly! Because:

1) It not worth my time.

2) The many supporting emails that I get personally from the Silent Majority (attention Princess khanom)  make me so much confident that I feel again more proud of myself.

nice blog topic BN!

our executive director suffers from this disorder; she's about 5'10" and an only child in her late 60's! it's really hard to keep HER at arm's length...

mrlayl jan

Thank you for your comments. as you have correctly stated, this guy's problem should be called brown nose syndrome. Because it does describe this personality disorder so well.

javaneh jan

What you say as a professional makes so much sense. At first I was happy that this guy who made life so difficult for many of us is kind of suffering a little bit as an adult. But when I thought about it, I started to kick myself for being so mean toward another human being. as princess says, we should not lower us human standards to match someone who may be ill in the head. then what is the difference between us (the healthy) and he (the sick)? 

AKA: 10 Gallon Hat Syndrom

BN, Aziz,

As always a great read. Only thing I can add is that the "Napoleon Complex" applies to short men, which in Texas they refer to as the "10 Gallon Hat Syndrom", where the short guy always is wearing the biggest cowboy hat there is (remeber Ross Perot?). Obviously to attract attention to himself.

Sounds like the fellow in your school suffered from chronic brown nose or "teacher's pet" syndrom, which I am sure we all have come across to in school or at work. Seems to me the causse of this one, as you stated, is to receive acceptance from piers.

Anyhow, keep up the good work.

Thanks, Javaneh.

In the meanwhile, since posting my last comment on this thread, I have had a realisation. It dawned on me that life has its own way of teaching these people a lesson. In fact, often the lessons life teaches is much harsher than any any of us could teach.

In dealing with such people, there is absolutely no need to stoop to their level by using the same aggressive methods they use to preach to others and put themselves on high pedestals.

All one can do is watch them from a distance, pitty them, and hope that they do indeed seek help; essentially what the that wise teacher of Bajenagh taught him years ago. :)

Princess

love your blogs Bajenaghe

Another great blog. What a wise, insightful teacher you had. You were so lucky.  

In answer to princess as a psychologist type!

A person with these traits is what we might call a personality disorder and there are many many types of personality disorders.

Bajenaghes teacher was right... this boy probably came from a background where his needs went ignored and the formation of his personality has arrested.

That boy is probaly a very sucessful professional now but nothing can meet his emotional needs on a lasting basis. He is a child in a mans body these days and doubtless his family have a really hard time.Unless he managed to get help, which I doubt. Unfortunatley it is nearly always too late as a child is unable to recognise his own motives and is usually feared and spurned by others. Its a  common scenario. 

The only thing that can change it is himself through therapy so it is best to keep an emotional distance from ppl with these traits or your own self esteem will suffer over time. A nourishing relationship is not likely to be possible. 

We can only hope that a person like this becomes an adult who is able to question himself and reflects upon his needs and where they come from and only then will he or she seek the solution. 

Javaneh

shazdeh asdola mirza jan

So eloquently said. Thank you.

The writing has long been on the wall: Nothing Is Sacred!

B.N. jaan, thanks for reminding us of the ills of self-righteousness and arrogance.

Throughout history, more people have died in the name of "holier-than-thou" principles than any other cause.

We aren't here for a tea-party, in gloves and smoking - we are here to examine our kin and kind, as well as our moral foundations.

shifteh jan

Thank you.

You are so right. A good teacher is the best present a child can ever have. The teacher's good words will stay with the child for his or her entire life.

Food for thought...

And Kudos to the teacher for a brilliant lesson here!

capt_ayhab jan

thank you for reading and your comments. 

princess jan

I agree with you completely. since I am only a baghle sare kooche, I leave this to some psyco logist to answer. I thank you for reading my post.

Bajenaghe Aziz

Spot on sir, I love it.

Thanks

-YT 

BN jaan,

Wise and humorous as ever!

I completely agree with your strategy, the only catch is that as long as the silent majority, who can't stand the behaviour of these bullies, meydoono bezaaran dar ekhtiyare injoor aadama, they reinforce the Napoleon Complex. I have been thinking about this problem a lot and must confess I still haven't come up with a solution. 

Thank you and please stick around, otherwise the bullies take over! :) 

.

.

Ebi jan

thanks for your comment. 

I've had a lot of practice. ;-) 

flying solo jan

Thank you for your comments and liking my little post. 

If I ever wrestle with a pig I'll start eating it...beginning with his ears, lets see if it loves that! :-)

ThePope jan

There are different types of closeness. one can be physically close to someone, or emotionally close, or just keeping one's distance and paying attention to someone. As the saying goes, "be close to your friends but closer to your enemies" and this closer mentioned by my teacher, I think, is the third type ie. keep your distance but pay attention, be prepared and ready when the enemy strikes. Nothing is more deadly than when the enemy strikes and catches you by surprise.

The boy was a little chubby and a little short. 

Interesting Read

 Bajenaghe Naghi:

I enjoyed your blog. A nice wrap up to the weekend. Your teacher was wise.  Keeping people at arm's length is a good policy in general and in the case of bullies, an absolute must. I am reminded also of the old adage:

Never wrestle with a Pig. You will both get dirty and the pig will love it.

BN jaan,

"...he warned me not to become too close with this person or anyone who exhibits such characteristics..."

But the problem is when you ignore, keep your distance or stay indifferent towards people who exhibit such characteristics, they'll get more provoked/aggrevated.
So, how can one deal with such people?!!

BTW, was that student short and/or fat? 

Bajenaghe AZIZ !!!

Zadi tu khaal :

"I asked my teacher if only boys can be like this. He told me that not only girls can be like this student, but people afflicted with this peculiarity will grow physically, but their needs will never leave them until death."

Sepaas

Ebi aka Haaji