Esfand Aashena
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Online Dating Tips
07-Feb-2012
I was looking at CNN and they had this article Pitfalls of Online Dating and it reminded me of an article I had written few years ago on Persianmirror.com. While the new online dating scene may be different with Valentine's Day being just around the corner and everybody going all nuts again, I thought to repost my article in honor of this holiest day on the calendar!
Of course if you're looking for a uniquely Iranian gift for your Valentine, I recommend Faramarz's Bowl of Sholeh Zard!
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I used to respond to newspaper personal ads back in the early 90s before online dating became popular. I am no longer in the market – did not find my wife online – but can share with you some of the quick tips that I think can help you navigate these internet personal ads and find some success. These rules should apply to all age groups, so don’t say I am too old or too young for this.
First of all, I’d like to talk about Iranian websites such as iraniansingles.com or iranianpersonals.com or similar websites. American websites are plenty but unless you live in North Dakota or Arkansas I suggest you stick with Iranian websites. Although, if you are in South Dakota and stuck with yahoo.com or match.com as soon as you say “Iranian” - in any way shape or form - your prospective date disappears in a New York minute! So no luck either way!
Now here are some rules that should be easy to follow:
1. Do not doll up too much! Guys, do not grease your hair like there is no tomorrow and gals do not throw out your cleavage like you’ve just come out of plastic surgery! Be modest and let your other qualities and outlook speak for you. Try to be sexy and decent, just don’t go overboard. A little less hair grease and a little less cleavage will do just fine!
2. Do not give out your High Definition large picture unless you’ve achieved a level of communication with your date that says s/he can write a sentence or 2 or can talk about his/her feelings regardless of whether or not s/he knows good English.
3. Guys if a girl is looking for a guy who is “financially secure to the bone” do not take her seriously. You can play games with her and say you are a CEO or a VP or something just to get some laughs but if someone is looking to pick your pocket instead of your brain, she is just wasting her time, never mind your time.
4. I will skip the usual give away items, like full figured, adventurous, romantically challenged or hopeless, full of energy and so forth. These really don’t matter and you have bigger fish to fry but they are good to know.
5. Rarely you’ll like the person you meet in a blind date at first sight. There is always something that is not right and even if you like him/her chances are s/he didn’t like you. That is one reason not to over do it with perfumes or colognes, remember rule number 1 above!
6. Always meet your date for a short encounter in a very public place for coffee or something. Some place where you can easily get the hell out if things were not nearly as advertised. In one case my date ended up being a married woman who was looking for a date for her sister!
Meet in a famous hotel lobby, like Sheraton, Hilton, Marriott, Hyatt or other hotels. These hotels usually have nice lobbies with comfortable chairs where you can have coffee, a glass of wine or beer or something. You can also meet at Starbucks or another coffee shop or a sandwich shop in a mall.
The point is that it is better to start with a simple place and move to dinner at another time or later that evening if things work out and you both want to continue it. If you don’t want to stay and torture yourself it’ll be hard to leave in the middle of a 3 course dinner.
Also, try to meet your date early, as soon as you exchange few emails, maybe on the first or 2nd weekend. If you wait too long you’ll be wasting your time.
Once you meet few people online and meet some of them in person you’ll know what to ask and what to look for. You can exchange a simple picture and meet in person to get a better idea and go from there. I think online dating is really good and if you do it right you can find many people and even have a long term relationship and possibly even marriage.
Meeting the right person online is hard just like any other relationship and the way you start it shouldn’t be any different from the way you go about carrying yourself. Once you find the right person, the same old traditional rules apply and you are on your own. If you find yourself talking on the (cell) phone for hours and hours or texting thousands of times, something is wrong with that picture. Either you are off or your date is off! While it is normal to be excited and talk for hours in the beginning, it is not normal to do it consistently. You should meet in person and do things together instead of doing it over the phone!
If your date is telling you that s/he has to do some stuff with his/her family and doesn’t have time, it is normal. Don’t take it the wrong way unless s/he does it over and over again. You should have plans of your own and shouldn’t substitute email or phone with seeing each other in person.
So try your luck and do not get discouraged if your date doesn’t like you. Move on to the next date. One thing I never did was speed dating and I wish I had an opportunity to do it. If you have the chance to do it, I’d highly recommend it.
Last rule of online dating is not to be discouraged if you get rejected. You may like your date and send an email and ask for a 2nd date with dinner and the works, but you may get rejected. These days people dump each other via a text message! Don’t worry about it, just move on to the next person (and the next person) until you eventually find someone.
If you are persistent enough it will be a matter of when not if. Matters of heart take time and you shouldn’t be discouraged if you find yourself doing this for a few years. There is always someone new to these websites and soon they’ll become “experts”, like you!
| Recently by Esfand Aashena | Comments | Date |
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| Persian parties are like Persian history! | 34 | Dec 03, 2012 |
| In memoriam of i.com freedom fighters! | - | Nov 09, 2012 |
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Soosan Khanoom you're digressing!
by Esfand Aashena on Thu Feb 09, 2012 04:37 AM PSTEverything is sacred
Shit Persian Guys Say
by Soosan Khanoom on Wed Feb 08, 2012 10:19 PM PSTShit Persian Guys Say Episode 1 - YouTube
Che Khosh Goft
by Dr. Mohandes on Wed Feb 08, 2012 10:12 PM PSTAnahita hojatti!
Ahsant. Marhaba. Afarin:)
Funny DM jan
by Anahid Hojjati on Wed Feb 08, 2012 10:00 PM PSTI like this:"Hi...my name is woman, Iranian woman. " I guess both sides can occasionally have bad attitude. But they should try to improve it or as you noted, they should come down from top of Shatan's donkey.
Anahid jan
by Dr. Mohandes on Wed Feb 08, 2012 09:35 PM PSTAmazing.
Did you happen to get these information regarding men, from the same chapter and even maybe within the same paragraph where it talked about women??? cuase i could swear the same exact things can be said about titish mamani (and even not so TTM) Iranian girlie girlies (bala nesbate shoma).
When it comes to the concept of having a chip on one's shoulders i think men and women have something in common in here, the difference is in the size of that chip, with it nearing the size of mount everst on women, iranian women!! It is like they are telling you: Hi...my name is woman, Iranian woman. (name is bond, james bond. or Faar. Gazanfar)
This dramatic saga of starting a relationship, and trying to figure out who likes whom and how much, it is nothing but a game that we play and i can virtually say that khanooms have mastered the game more than men could have ever claimed.
So i serioulsy think that women should step down from the top of satan's donkey and come to the side:)))))
Good Point Anahid!
by Faramarz on Wed Feb 08, 2012 02:10 PM PSTIf one cannot carry his girlfriend to the second floor, he should impose some stiff sanctions on her!
Or maybe he should sit down and negotiate something.
Faramarz jan,
by Anahid Hojjati on Wed Feb 08, 2012 01:48 PM PSTwhat about sanctions?
تفاوت تپل و چاق نازنین!
FaramarzWed Feb 08, 2012 01:45 PM PST
اگر بتونین دوست دخترتون که یک پرده گوشت اضافه داره رو از پله های خونه از طبقه اول به اتاق خواب طبقه بالا ببرین، اون فقط تپله!
ولی اگه وسط پله ها نفستون گرفت و انداختینش زمین و در رفتین و گفتین بیخیال یعنی که زیادی تپله!
عکس لیلی بروجردی
FaramarzWed Feb 08, 2012 11:55 AM PST
She is cute, in a Khomeini kind of way!
//www.cloob.com/profile/blog/list/username/fa...
she was OK
by Anahid Hojjati on Wed Feb 08, 2012 11:26 AM PSTabout 1980. Not fanatic like Anjoman Islamihaa in class and not afraid of befriending non religious students.
Well she doesn't seem naughty!
by Esfand Aashena on Wed Feb 08, 2012 11:22 AM PSTEverything is sacred
this
by Anahid Hojjati on Wed Feb 08, 2012 11:19 AM PSTlink has some info:
//womenspillar.blogspot.com/2009/05/iran-rezaei-taps-imams-granddaughter-as.html
Not familiar with her
by Esfand Aashena on Wed Feb 08, 2012 10:59 AM PSTNever heard of her, perhaps she is like Bin Laden's niece!
Everything is sacred
Esfand jan
by Anahid Hojjati on Wed Feb 08, 2012 10:47 AM PSTshe is Leilie Brujerdi.
Yes men should definately pay the bill!
by Esfand Aashena on Wed Feb 08, 2012 10:38 AM PSTNazanin if a man doesn't pay the bill then that is one reason to dismiss him! Unlike going on diet after 2nd or 3rd date, one can not become un-cheap if he is always cheap! Especially if after using these tips they agree on coffee or beer and a pastry or snack! If you can't pay that then forget it!
The difference between topol and chagh is in the eye of the beholder!
Anahid jaan who is Khomeini's grandaughter?
Everything is sacred
*
by Nazanin karvar on Wed Feb 08, 2012 10:31 AM PSTاین نسخه شما را آویز گوش میکنم هر چند که واقعا به این نتیجه رسیدم نمیشه حتی یک نسخه را دو بار استفاده کرد ولی به هر حال بعضی از نکته اصل هستن... مثل اینکه آقایان پول میز را بدون نگاه کردن به بیل و ۲*۲ تا ۴ تا کردن پرداخت کنن... که خب خدا را شکر خیلی وقتها پیش امده که کل پول را خودم بدم ودیگه طرف را نبینم میماند صد نکته پنهان دیگر که من شدیدا براشون گوش تیز کردم :))
بالاخره من نفهمیدم فرق آدم چاق با تپل چیست؟؟؟ و یه پرده گوشت را چه کسانی دارن؟ :(
مرسی برای این باگ و یاد آوری بلاگ فرامرز عزیز.
Khomeini 's Granddaughter used to sing this too
by Anahid Hojjati on Wed Feb 08, 2012 10:31 AM PST.
As our National singer Morteza would sing ...
by Esfand Aashena on Wed Feb 08, 2012 10:30 AM PST--
زن باید خوشگل باشه، خوشگل و کمی چاق! خوشگل و کمی چاق!
مرد باید پولدار باشه! کچل و بد اخلاق! کچل و بد اخلاق!
Everything is sacred
Iranian men are not that attractive themselves
by Anahid Hojjati on Wed Feb 08, 2012 10:29 AM PSTwith all the talk about topoli ladies, you would think that Iranian men are very handsome themselves. some are but many are kachal, kheiki, por mooye siah, ugly and have a chip on their shoulder. very bad attitudes. hammon topoli ham az sareshoon ziadeh va baash nemeere.
many are bijanbe too. the minute they think that someone likes them, they show disinterest but if someone ignores them, then they become interested. Formula never fails. I have yet to see an Iranian man in Diaspora that actually becomes more interested in a woman when he finds out that she likes him. Almost always it is a turnoff to them. As if the Iranian men are thinking, look at this lady, what an idiot, she likes me, she must be an idiot. even I don't like myself.
Topoli White ladies= Green card Producing machines!!
by Dr. Mohandes on Wed Feb 08, 2012 10:10 AM PSTI would dare and say that was one big reason that many iranian men pretended that they were attracted to these chics. after all Immigration officers had a more open heart and mind and would just melt right there on spot seeing the handsome "sag sibil" with a chubby, cuty rosemary or mary jean from Texarrkkayyynaaa or Abeline together!!
I just wonder how many Alexes and Franks and Sams and Abdols??!! sacrificed themselves for the sake of geeerreeennn kart!! and learned to sing the song...Abeline...Abeline...Prettiest town i have ever seen...
شراب قرمز جان صحبت از obesity نیست!
Esfand AashenaWed Feb 08, 2012 07:32 AM PST
یک پره گوشت اضافی که نباید رأی آدم را از آشنایی با یک خانوم یا آقای با شخصیت بزند!
اصلا کلا صحبت همین هست که یک کم سخت نگیرید و از date اول بگذارید، date دوم بهتر خواهد شد. خدا را چه دیدی شاید اصلا برای گًل جمال شما یک رژیم هم گرفت!
Everything is sacred
Oh My God
by Soosan Khanoom on Wed Feb 08, 2012 07:28 AM PSTThat video is priceless .... I have never seen it before.
Those two are so damn funny.
Nothing wrong w/ Topoli women. Just more cushion for pushin!
by Esfand Aashena on Wed Feb 08, 2012 07:28 AM PSTOr as we say in Farsi
هم دشک هم لحاف!
!I suppose the same can be said about Topli men as well
فقط باید چشم بصیرت داشت!
Everything is sacred
...
by Red Wine on Wed Feb 08, 2012 07:26 AM PSTامروزه روز،خیلی زشت و نا پسند است که یک خانم اضافه وزن داشته باشد،با این همه راهِ حلهایِ گوناگون،باید دختران و خانمها تناسبِ وزن را در اختیار گرفته و از پر خوری پرهیز کنند.
به خانمها توصیه میکنیم برایِ وزن کم کردن،روزی یک ساعت رقصِ پا تختی،رو تختی برایِ همسرانِ خود انجام دهند.
آقایان هم گوش به زنگ باشند،انقدر چلو کباب،جوجه کباب،زرشک پولو،سبزی پلو با ماهی،قیمه پلو،دلمه و کتلت و ... نوشِ جان نکنند،هیچ خانمی دوست ندارد با یک مردِ شکم گنده عشق بازی کند.
آن آهنگِ زیبا را چطور این دو نفر خراب کردند !؟ ... عجب مکافاتی داریم بابام هی !
با سپاس از بلاگ . . .
Topoli Women and Skinny Iranian Men!
by Faramarz on Wed Feb 08, 2012 07:21 AM PSTSomehow Iranian men, especially the very skinny ones get attracted to Topoli white, blond women. Remember this one?
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVH51g5T3Fc&feature...
she is NOT fat
by Soosan Khanoom on Wed Feb 08, 2012 07:14 AM PSTshe is just a little topol : )
by the way, Karl remarks of Adele being fat is way off
as one commented in reply
" Too fat? And you're too old, Karl, much, much too old. You should have been euthanized years ago. "
Funny the Topols don't mind Iranians, but pretty ones do!
by Esfand Aashena on Wed Feb 08, 2012 07:13 AM PSTEverything is sacred
Adele Topol!
by Faramarz on Wed Feb 08, 2012 07:06 AM PSTEven Soosan Khanoom is having fun with it!
Thanks for the clip.
Karl Lagerfeld of Chanel just said that Adele is fat!
//www.nydailynews.com/gossip/chanel-karl-lage...
You see Anahid jaan sun came the reason for sun!
by Esfand Aashena on Wed Feb 08, 2012 06:54 AM PSTOf course there are mixed marriages for both Iranian men and women, I know plenty muself. However, as Farmarz jaan pointed out as soon as we say Iran they say Oh Crap!
Whereas, if an Iranian woman says she's from Iran, the worst she gets is It's Ok!
Everything is sacred
LOL .. Faramarz
by Soosan Khanoom on Wed Feb 08, 2012 06:51 AM PSTHere is a song for you by Leslie Topol
as someone mentioned
" whoever broke her heart has made her a super rich woman "
Adele - Someone Like You