Towards Freedom

ما که از این شانسها نداریم

اما اگر داشتیم فقط اون آتیشو باد می زدیم

...

,,,

Dear Farah

I am familiar with the picture.  I frequently use it in my work with couples.

The logical answere is to save the wife, because people need to psychologically separate from their family of origin and shift their primary love and loyalty to their spouses.  However, I agree with you,  that emotionally, it is a very difficult choice.     

Dear Laleh

گمان کنم طرف از هردو تا دل پری داره! :))
ممنون از نظرتون

FR

Dear Mina

You raised a very good point but there aagin comes the question of who one values higher: his mother and all the guilt associated with failing to save her or his children's mother and the guilt of living without  her and condemning his children to a motherless life? Very difficult decision to take on a snap.

The picture is a famous optical illusion of a young woman's profile and her neck and an old woman's profile drawn into each other, often used to imply a duality or dilemma.

Thanks for your informed input.

FR

شیطونه میگه

بزار هر دو در آتش بسوزن. از شر هر دوتا خلاص میشی...

Ali.P, FR

Ali.P,  You are not willing to lose the only mother, you have.  But, is it OK, for your kids to lose the only mother they have?

Those with children, usually, put their kids first.  I can tell, you do not have children.  LOL.

FR, interesting picture. 

Happy Mothers Day.   

Ari jaan

I'd say your solution is the most hilarious so far but there is a strong dose of reality mixed with it too. I am sure it must be music to the ears of the Banovan editor to hear that their subscription takes precedence over eternal salvation or damnation :))

Thanks a lot for a colorful contribution,

FR

Dear Anvar

Thank you for your fascinating solutions or should I say algorithms. As you say it so wisely it is easier said than done as under such an  emergency situation it is not easy  or there may not be enough time to come up with a logical and sane solution. Emotions run high and the subject, the man in this case, is confronted with a torturous dilemma, assuming that he has loving relations with both his mother and his wife. I think the eventual outcome would be an emotionally driven one.

Thanks again for a very comprehensive study of this question.   

FR

Dear Souri

You would make the best mother-in-law for a future/present son-in-law and given that you love your own mother-in-law I am sure she would like to see her grand children raised under a loving mom that you are, so she is prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice.

But I am not sure how the husband would feel about all these scenarios? The relations between mother and son (or father and daughter) are so complex and different from case to case. I would love to hear your and other ladies decisions and opinions on the same scenario if the the wife had to choose between her husband and her father. As Shazde said it so wittily "women must save the men from fire these days!!". Well, I have my reservations about this but we are living in the age of equal opportunities so the question can be asked both ways.

Thank you for your, as always, honest contribution.  

FR

کاری نداره!

چون مساله مجازیست ولی‌ جایزه مجله بانوان موجودی، مرد از خود میپرسد که کدام یک از این دو زن آبونه این نشریه ارزشمند هستند. و اگر هردو، البته زن جوانتر شایسته نجات است چون عمر بیشتری در آبونگی بسر میبرد. این مرد مجازی که بیست و پنج سال دارد همسرش را فدا می‌کند زیرا که این سیاوش به زن‌های مسن‌تر دلبند است و چهل سال از زنش کوچک تر. در ضمن نوه‌های تپلی مادر زیبا و نیکبختش خواهر زاده این جوان  هستند.

Easier said than done

It is a given that the man has lots of love for both the mom and the wife but may only save one of them.  There’s no doubt that sacrifices will have to be made.  The challenge is to ethically determine who should benefit the most from those sacrifices

Here’s what the man should do and the rationale for it:
He should not make a decision based on which outcome is least desirable for himself but what is most beneficial to his children.  Whenever possible, every child deserves to be loved and raised by a mother.  Under an optimal situation, having a loving mother and grandmother would be ideal.  However, if forced to choose between the two, children would choose to be raised by the mother as opposed to the grandmother.  Besides, the norm in life’s natural order is to lose one’s grandmother before losing one’s mother.  So under the described circumstance, the man should save his children’s mother (first, and next their grandmother if possible).

Now if the parameters are somehow changed, other decisions might be made:

Alternate situation A - When there are no children in the family at all:
(I’m not being sexist but the man seems to be the central actor in the story, so…) The man should remember that about half of all marriages end up in divorce.  Given that possibility, his wife could at some point in life leave him but his mother would never abandon him.  Of course, there are many other factors to be considered in this scenario and I won’t make a clear recommendation to the man before exploring those factors further.

Alternate situation B - When there’s also a child trapped in the burning house:
In short, the child must be given a chance to live a life.  Hopefully, the child will eventually recognize life’s natural order and realize that the mother and the grandmother also had their own lives in their own times.  In this scenario, the man should first save the child, next the mother of the child, and last the grandmother of the child.  

If the dilemma was presented from a wife’s point of view trying to decide between her husband and her father, I would’ve been consistent and reasoned with her in a similar fashion.

In other words, here’s the order to save the loved ones:  1- Child, 2- Parent of the child, 3- Grandparent of the child.

Regardless of logic and theory, any action would be extremely difficult to take.  It is obviously easier said than done.

Anvar

As a woman I would say.....

If the man was my son, I wish he would save his wife first, because he will be more happy with the love of his life than with his mother.

If the man  was my husband, then I would rather he save me, because his mother is too old anyway (although I love my mother in-law)

Am I fair enough?

Thanks Farah jan

You're right, I was thinking how I wished my son would pick me LOL

just kidding, I hope he's nothing like his Dad ;-)

Thanks for the fun blog, and Happy Mother's Day to you 

IRANdokht

Dear Captain

Why the garage when there is always a lousy motel nearby?  No penalty should be free!! LOL

FR

Dear Irandokht

Our dilemma is worse than that of our hubbies. We women are potentially both wives and mothers!!!

So refreshing to see you back Irandokht jan.

FR

Ali aziz

Funny enough that is what I tell my son! :))

FR

Ali P

Very nice.

I suppose your wish is to sleep in the garage tonite ey? Khosh begzareh.

LOL

-YT 

oops

Ali P. just beat me to the answer! 

Somehow I knew that's what would come to their mind...  sometimes they also say : lab bood keh dandoon oomad.

FR bikari torokhoda? I was going to be nice ;-)

IRANdokht

You can always find another wife.... ;-)

Bad, bad, bad joke,Ali...!!

You are not funny!

(And maybe that's why you are not married!!)

کاپیتان عزیز

به گفته مرحوم فروزانفر: تکلیف شاقی میفرمائید!

FR

بانو روستا

اگر شما بانو روستا تونستین اول جواب این سوال منو بدین، من هم با
کامل میل جواب سوال شما رو میدم.

اگر فرمدید کدوم یک از آن اینها اول به وجود میان؟  مرغ یا تخم مرغ؟

-YT 

شازده عزیز

شما هزار مرتبه از اسدلله میرزا با مزه ترید. با نهایت احترام به خواهرانم باید بگویم حرف شما کاملا درست است.

FR

خانم روستا - نکته انحرافی داستان رو در یابید

اون مال زمان قدیم بود که "آقای خونه" باید میومد تا خانم‌ها رو نجات بده. تو این دور و زمونه، که ماشالله خانم‌ها فعال تر و پر انرژی تر از آقایون شده اند، یکی‌ باید بیاد ما‌ها رو از آتیش دیونه بازیها مون در بیاره.

از کجا فهمیدید شراب قرمز مرد باشد؟

از کجا فهمیدید شراب قرمز مرد باشد و یا شوهر باشد ؟

سکوت پر معنای آقایان

به غیر از جناب شراب گلگون که جواب دادند به نظر میاید که باقی‌ شوهران عزیز از ترس خانم‌ها یشان ترجیح میدهند جوابی ندهند؟ درست عرض نمیکنم؟

می‌‌ گلگون عزیز

خوشا به سعادت مادر گرامی‌ شما و همسر ارجمندتان که چنین فرزند و شوی پر مهر و محبتی دارند. به امید روزی که در محضرتان به جوار حافظ بزرگ به شعر و غزل اوقات بگذرانیم.

حافظ هم قطعاً در وصف من و شما این بیت رو سروده:

خوش هوائی است فرح بخش خدایا بفرست
نازنینی که به رویش می گلگون نوشیم .

FR

باید برای نجات هر دو تلاش کرد

باید برای نجات هر دو تلاش کرد (یکی‌ را نجات میدهی‌ و بلافاصله میروی به دنبال آن یکی‌،یا آن را هم نجات میدهی‌ و یا در انجام این امر جان میدهی‌ که این خود ستودنی است !)... چطور میشود تخمین زد که تنها برای نجات یکی‌ از آنها وقت هست و برای دیگر خیر !؟

امید است که روزی پیش آید که در خدمت شما باشیم،برویم به حافظیه و در آنجا شراب بنوشیم و شعر بخوانیم.

با سپاس.