Faramarz
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Chasing Hookers on the Streets of Tehran
15-Dec-2010
After finishing my freshman year in college with relatively good grades and with much persistence, my parents agreed to let me come back to Tehran for a short summer visit. Before I came, my mother gently reminded me that all those relatives that showed up at Mehrabad with boxes of pistachios when I left Iran will show up again when I arrive in the middle of the night, expecting a decent souvenir! So I’d better get them something! I obliged and filled my suitcases with T-shirts, cassettes and all kinds of other stuff.
I didn’t know if it was the souvenirs or my ten months stay in the US that made me so popular with my friends and relatives. Aside from getting invited to many parties and restaurants, I got the full use of my mother’s car and the companionship of one of my older cousins who had finished college in Tehran and was working.
A few days after my arrival and in the true spirit of Iranian hospitality, my father offered to fix me up with his secretary’s younger sister! Actually, it wasn’t an offer. It was more like an order! I don’t know what it was about the Iranian secretaries of those days, but they all looked great in mini skirts and smelled heavenly. My mom was not at all pleased with the secretary but had accepted it as something that came with the job. I grudgingly accepted the offer and called my date. A few days later, I took her to Chattanooga for lunch. She was totally beautiful, drop-dead gorgeous and turned many heads, but unfortunately at the age of 19 she was way too mature and advanced for me. She probably wanted a man in his 30’s or 40’s, not a college kid. The whole date felt like that I was out with an older sister!
A few days later one of my relatives offered to fix me up with one of his friends’ sisters who was in high school! That was a complete insult. Here I was just back from the US with what I thought was a great romantic experience with a couple of decent looking girlfriends and a few dates in between and other stuff and lots of pictures to prove my case and these folks were trying to set me up with friends and family!
Finally, my cousin came to the rescue and offered to take me out with his buddies for a wild night out in Tehran! I was really curious to know what he had planned for me. His only conditions were that I could never tell anybody anything and secondly, I should bring my picture album with all the pictures of the girls in the dormitory, the girlfriends and others and show them to his friends! I guess that was the price of the admission to their private club!
He picked me up after work and we headed to his friend’s house. His friend quickly took us to the basement away from his parents. The basement was decorated like a bachelor’s pad with stereo system and a cooler full of beers. There was another friend waiting for us there. We had a few beers and I told them about the college life in the US and those kinds of things. But they were more interested in the pictures and wanted to know who was who in the album. So I didn’t disappoint them and made up all kinds of stories about me and the girls. You could tell that they were daydreaming. Not to be outdone by me, they said that a Pakistani doctor lived down the street and during the day his wife was available for some fun and action! Again, in the true spirit of hospitality they offered me a visit to her house later on that week. But I politely said thanks.
We then left the house and drove to a bar in Yusef Abad. There were Iranian cocktail waitresses walking around in skimpy clothes. I asked my cousin what the deal was with the ladies. He said that the girls would talk to us if we buy a Jeton (casino chips) and you can take it from there!
این دخترهای اینجا ژتونین یعنی فیش میخورن
This was definitely the first time that I had seen anything like this in Tehran. After a round of drinks and a few Jeton for the lovely lady we left and promised to be back again.
The next stop was at another friend’s house and another basement! He brought us some beers and then asked me, “My grandpa who lives with us upstairs just got his monthly ration of opium! Would you be interested in some?” I politely said thank you.
جیره تریاک آقا جون
Only in Iran the elderly are entitled to their monthly ration of opium with all the required paperwork and the ID card!
We said goodbye to the friend and headed out to Shemroon on Pahlavi Avenue. The car stereo was blasting with Gilbert O'Sullivan’s Alone Again and the guys were singing along and once in a while would ask me for a translation. All of a sudden the guy who was sitting in the passenger seat told the guy who was driving to stop and pull over! He had spotted a hooker! My cousin had told me how this guy was good at spotting hookers on the streets! According to my cousin, he had a nice girlfriend that liked horseback riding, but she was not into any action of any kind! So they were in this on and off relationship. But more importantly, her father didn’t like him at all and would never allow his daughter to marry him.
The driver pulled over and the guys started arguing about if she was or was not a hooker. My cousin’s friend didn’t listen to anyone and just got out of the car and started running towards the woman. She kept walking as he was talking and then she went inside a drugstore with him in pursuit. We sat in the car for a few minutes wondering what was going on. Finally, I decided to go inside the drugstore and check. I was convinced that the lady was probably hitting him on the head with her purse and somebody would be calling the police. Instead, I saw both of them laughing and joking in front of the make up counter, surrounded by other women waiting to pay the cashier.
He waved at me. I went closer as the girl was laughing. “Faramarz, this is Forooz. I am buying her a red lipstick! What do you think? Faramarz goes to college in the US.”
The whole scene was so unreal. The guy with a big mustache was holding a small tube of lipstick while the few housewives in the line were trying to figure out what was going on.
I went back to the car and told the guys that all was well inside the drugstore! A few minutes later they came out laughing and joking. My cousin quickly told me to let her sit in between us in the back. After she sat in the car, she leaned forward with her head almost in between the guys in the front. My cousin later on told me that when a woman sits like that in a car it is called the “Jendeh Position!” That’s how the hooker gives equal attention to all the passengers in the car!
She then asked all our names again, but she didn’t like any of them. So she gave us new names! She called me Kambiz. I guess I looked like a Kambiz to her! She said that she was madly in love with the famous Iranian actor, Naser Malak Motiei and has been calling his house and sending love letters to him. She then said,” Guys, I don’t want to go to your place right now. I want to have fun. Let’s go to Darband!”
بچه ها من الان خونه برو نیستم، میخوام یک مدتی باهاتون حال کنم. بزن بریم دربند
We got to Darband and went to a nice and very crowded family restaurant. Forooz ordered some Joojeh Kabob and vodka and was having the time of her life, laughing and joking. I was trying to keep a low profile in case a friend or a relative was at the restaurant. Most of the men in the restaurant could tell what the four of us were up to! Once in a while they would take a quick look and smile before their wives could notice.
By the time we were done eating it was past midnight. We got back in the car and the guys started looking for a pay phone to make calls to their friends and see who has an empty house for the night. They also told me what to do and say in case we were stopped by the night police.
As they were making calls from a pay phone I knew that I have had enough fun for one night. Also my parents were up waiting for me. So I grabbed my picture album, hailed a taxi and headed home.
Gilbert O'Sullivan - Alone Again
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شازده شراب سرخ
Shazde Asdola MirzaFri Dec 17, 2010 05:24 PM PST
صحبت شما خیلی با مزه بود.
برادر، ما سینه می‌زنیم، رون می‌زنیم، حال هم می‌کنیم. امام حسین هم این کاره بود ... میگی نه - از امام حسن بپرس!
Alone again ... naturally
by Shazde Asdola Mirza on Fri Dec 17, 2010 05:19 PM PSTGood story Faramarz jan.
And you cut it at the right point too ... beyond that, it's not so much fun with the working-girls.
sima, many iranian guys
by hamsade ghadimi on Fri Dec 17, 2010 01:05 PM PSTsima, many iranian guys don't have jendeh bazi stories to tell or even repulsed by the idea including me and perhaps 90% of my friends (i know at least 2 of them have and venture a few more). prostitution reminds me how destitude people can be even if on the outside they pretend everything is honky dory. at any rate, the subject of hooker was really not the focal point of this story. the story had many parts and details that made it good (in my opinion). faramarz could've repalced the hooker with a girl next door but his candor and revelation of the hooker made the story even more endearing.
with regard to missed signals and offers: now, that's a universal subject worthy of blogging. who hasn't any chos ghosseh about the past?
Dear Anonymouse
by divaneh on Fri Dec 17, 2010 12:46 PM PSTMissed signals are always there to regret, but this was about refusing the offer rather than missing the signals. More to regret.
This is great!
by sima on Fri Dec 17, 2010 12:16 PM PSTYou know, I've often thought that the jendeh bazi of some guys is as sweet and innocent as the blushing girl next door that we all love. How is that?!
Dear Anon, that is a good point you made
by Anahid Hojjati on Fri Dec 17, 2010 06:57 AM PSTDear Anon , you wrote:"
Girls often get the guy's signal as more than just sex and in terms of relationship and that's when it may get confusing." You are correct.
Anahid jaan we are living in different times.
by Anonymouse on Fri Dec 17, 2010 06:40 AM PSTThese days people are into their electronic gadgets and when they smile they may be smiling at a joke they've read on their iphone or blackberry! Simple joys, such as reading signals, are no longer!
I think Faramarz, Divaneh and I are talking in context of missing a signal from a girl whom we could've have had sex with right there and then or shortly thereafter!
Girls often get the guy's signal as more than just sex and in terms of relationship and that's when it may get confusing. Sex signals and relationship signals are 2 different subjects!
Everything is sacred
Dear Anon, we are told..
by Anahid Hojjati on Fri Dec 17, 2010 05:55 AM PSTYou bring up a good point about missing signals. I think as women, we are told repeatedly that :"he is not that into you" that we sometimes have a hard time believing that someone is really interested. But then sometimes a person is not interested or is mildly interested but we might get quite excited about it. This signal thing is confusing.
Missing the signals is a whole separate ball game!
by Anonymouse on Fri Dec 17, 2010 05:10 AM PSTMissing the signals are so regretable and we never forget them. Hookers never send the wrong signals though! Those signals are crystal clear and the only questions are about what are "allowable"!
Everything is sacred
The Fish That Got Away
by Faramarz on Thu Dec 16, 2010 05:53 PM PSTDivaneh Jaan,
You are bringing back painful memories!
My father put this gorgeous girl on a platter and delivered it to me, but I was too rebellious at the time and got more satisfaction out of rejecting her than appreciating what he had done for me!
I am now very close with my dad and I keep reminding him about everything that he has done for me. And he just smiles!
Some fish get away, but we are better fishermen as the result!
سیب سرخ برای دست چلاق خوبه
divanehThu Dec 16, 2010 05:28 PM PST
Thanks Faramarz jaan for your excellent memoir. How could you turn 3 good opportunities down in such a short time, or were they more? What I liked was your dad fixing you with that beauty. I wish your dad knew mine and had taught him one or two things.
I however cannot blame you for being unappreciative as I am guilty of the same. One of my worst was when a French girl who lived in the next room to me in a hostel and was giving the right signals, one night as I was entering my room at the end of the night, asked me if I was sleeping on my own, and I said yes. She said: I sleep on my own too, and I said: good night then, sweet dreams.
مازیار جان
FaramarzThu Dec 16, 2010 01:33 PM PST
Thanks for reading and commenting.
The bar was on Pahlavi past Abbasabad, around Park Saii and on the left side of the street, going north. There was a big Pepsi sign with flashing lights in Yusef Abad. If you took minibus #155 from Takht e Jamsheed, it would take you around there.
..
by maziar 58 on Thu Dec 16, 2010 01:24 PM PSTFaramarz khan merci .
teryak jeere is the same story now for some in california I GUESS!!with the legalized grass for medicinal purpose ! here comes agha joon name and ss# and a persian dr. prescription for a rescue.P.s was that jetoon club after cinema GOLDEES ? Maziar
بویکاتی خان
FaramarzThu Dec 16, 2010 01:04 PM PST
والله بخدا قسم، به جون این سرگرد که امروز پیداش نیست که رعد و برق بخوره
تو ملاجش اونوقت ها نه آیپکی تو کار بود نه این فروز خانوم کلیمی بود!
البته درست میگی، بعضی از این دوستان یک مقداری عجیب و خل و چل بودن، ولی خوب اون مقتضای سن بود!
مری کریسمس به شما و دوستانتون!
You bet!
by Monda on Thu Dec 16, 2010 01:00 PM PSTMeant when I first came to the States, I used to overuse My Thank You's. As in Michael asking me (on Valentine's Day of '79): Monda would you be my Valentine? My response was: Thank you Michael, get your own Valentine : ))
Faramarz jaan JJJ sends different memos to different people!
by Anonymouse on Thu Dec 16, 2010 12:56 PM PSTMost of us are on short leashes! As a cartel member you don't know how it is for us worker bees! I'm kidding of course, but you never know!
Anyway, as for an invitation to write "hooker stories" I didn't mean it like a Moshaereh because in Moshaereh people write poems in comments. I meant separate blogs, like this one or the ones Nazy jaan usually has like this one.
You can put some guidelines and I'm guessing it'd be mostly male i.comers but if female i.comers have also paid for sex one way or another (say man-whores :-) they can be included too!
Everything is sacred
Please warn visitors about this unhealthy website
by BoycottIraniandotcom on Thu Dec 16, 2010 12:53 PM PSTanti Iranian and comes largely from an Israeli/AIPAC perspective, which is
offensive to the vast majority of Iranians. The few Iranians who post here are ajeeb or mentally ill (some even admit their mental illness their
moniker.) Please do not engage with this unhealthy site except to warn other
Iranians. .ExternalClass .ecxhmmessage p { padding: 0px; }.ExternalClass body.ecxhmmessage { font-size: 10pt; font-family: Tahoma; }
Thank You Monda
by Faramarz on Thu Dec 16, 2010 12:44 PM PSTSee, when I say thank you Monda, it doesn’t mean “No thank you!” It is a positive response to your kind comments.
I learned so much that one night from these guys who were a few years older than me. And the details just registered in my head. You can’t make these things up. We are lucky that we were around when all the fun stuff was happening.
کیو خان
FaramarzThu Dec 16, 2010 12:42 PM PST
When I saw the title of your comment I thought, “Here we go, another person that knows Forooz or was in Darband that night!”
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Faramarz! hamintor LOL's
by Monda on Thu Dec 16, 2010 10:11 AM PSTYou not only are an expert in writing your memories (who else could really be, right?) but your recall of details in their original nuances just keeps adding to the intensity of the joy that your stories bring.
First of all, Thank you always meant No thank you... don't know how many times i tried to explain that piece to my non-Iranian friends : )) i completely see your point about the Pakistani housewife. And
By the time I reached this part of your story,
She then asked all our names again, but she didn’t like any of them. So she gave us new names! She called me Kambiz. I guess I looked like a Kambiz to her! She said that she was madly in love with the famous Iranian actor, Naser Malak Motiei and has been calling his house and sending love letters to him. She then said,” Guys, I don’t want to go to your place right now. I want to have fun. Let’s go to Darband!”
بچه ها من الان خونه برو نیستم، میخوام یک مدتی باهاتون حال کنم. بزن بریم دربند
I had tears in my eyes laughing so hard! Good thing at least she felt so at ease with you guys.
The True Spirit of Iranian Hospitality used to be so great, and still is sometimes. Thanks for the entertainment Faramarz.
We have something in common
by Q on Thu Dec 16, 2010 10:04 AM PSTI also used to take back cassettes on my trips.
شراب جان
FaramarzThu Dec 16, 2010 08:50 AM PST
شراب جان،
مانند همیشه ممنون از لطف شما.
بله، مدتی است که به خاطر ایام کریسمس و محرم و غیره، دوستان عزیز ما در حال جشن و سرور هستن و فیلشان یاد هندستون کرده و همش افکار شیطانی در سرشون است. ولیکن با آب شدن برف زمستانی دوباره همه چی آروم میشه و مسائل به حالت همیشگی برمیگردد.
شاد باشید.
ماه مبارک مُحرم الحَرام
Red WineThu Dec 16, 2010 07:51 AM PST
لا إله إلا الله
چند وقتی است که دائم در صفحات وزین ایرانیان دات کُم ،بِلاگ‌های سِکسوال و زبانَم لال...،عروسی،دامادی،سِکسی میبینیم ! آخر در ماه مبارک مُحرم الحَرام هستیم،مگر نمیدانید که بر مسلمین (شیعیان) عیب باشد عِشق بازی در همچین ماه عزیز ؟! آخر مگر کار و زندگی ندارید که دائم به فکر بِمال بِمال هستید و پیچش‌های دو پِیکر ! مزاحم سینه زدن و عزاداری ما هم که هستید،مقصر اصلی حضرت شازدِه است که دُخول بازی فرنگی را یادِتان داد ! حالا اگر برنامه یی دارید،اُرجی شب ۱۴ دارید،ما را هم خبر کنید تا بلکه دعا بخوانیم تا گناهتان کم شود .
اَل الحساب به این آهنگ گوش فرا دهید بلکه بر عشق و حال مجلس بیشتر بیافزاید !
ءءء
لذت بردیم از بلاگ فرامرز خان . :)
سوری خانم آواتار جدید مبارک ! شیرینی خامه یی ما فراموش نشود.
ءءء
التماس دعا . . .
شرابِ قرمز.
What a Tough Crowd!
by Faramarz on Thu Dec 16, 2010 07:37 AM PSTA famous person once said, “Success is a journey, not a destination.” What a loser! It is all about the getting there!
Dear Friends,
Thanks for your comments, especially the real funny ones. Here are a few random thoughts.
But first, Souri’s new avatar! That requires its own blog! I am going to hold back on that for a while!
Anahid, An invitation to write a hooker blog is a brilliant idea. We can do it like Souri’s invitation to poetry, Moshaereh!
Mehrdad, Finding a place for the night was always a challenge with these guys, since they all lived with their parents. Their last resort was to pull the car to the side of the road and take turns. Their favorite spot was a section of the Bozorg Raah Shahanshahi (I don’t know what it is called now) that was under construction and completely dark. One night as one of the guys was in the car with the hooker and the other ones were waiting outside in the dark, a policeman (Paasebon) came out of nowhere and started giving them a hard time. After much argument, he agreed to let them stay there if they would get the first guy out of the car and let the Paaseboon go in first! Imagine the look on the guy’s face as he was getting pulled out of the car, in the middle of the action.
The hooker told them that the Paaseboon hangs out in that general area at nights waiting for free action!
Souri, I never said, “No, thank you!” I said politely, “Thank you!” There is a difference. I am generally polite, especially in these types of circumstances.
Anonymouse, you didn’t get the memo on the guidelines? The picture is a piece of art, not porn and it describes a person who is not hungry and is rejecting a gift from god that he will regret for the rest of his life. That pretty much explains my feelings about the secretary’s gorgeous sister.
COP, I owe you a more detailed tale next time. We just don’t know how far to push the envelope before folks get bent out of shape!
J.S., I promise. Nothing in life is funnier than seeing your friends in compromising positions and making a lot of noise!
Hamsade, I have been taught to always say thank you!
very funny story faramarz.
by hamsade ghadimi on Thu Dec 16, 2010 07:03 AM PSTvery funny story faramarz. it's a coming of age story (although you were an adult) with details that ring true to us. i enjoyed reading the airport scene, poz dadan, photo albums, the hooker and the whole 70s scene. regarding the two instances that you "politely said thanks:" the pakistani wife and opium. did you mean that you went for it or did you actually say "no thanks"? were they the 'nokaat enheraafi' of the story?
Dear Anonymouse, Nothing like spending Christmas reading...
by Anahid Hojjati on Thu Dec 16, 2010 06:29 AM PSTAnonymouse jan, you wrote:"Or you can write an invitation asking all i.com male contributors to write their hooker stories!
" Now that you guys are at it, you must do it so stories are ready for reading on Christmas Eve.
I am with Souri and C-O-P
by J.S. on Thu Dec 16, 2010 06:10 AM PSTCan we have the next blog about all the crap you did actually do? Lol :)
anonymouse, you're a riot....
by Cost-of-Progress on Thu Dec 16, 2010 05:40 AM PSTBut Farmarz, I eagerly ask that you provide us with the uncensored version of this story - I kept waiting for some action on your part....what gives (or gave)...bud?
____________
IRAN FIRST
____________
Faramarz jaan you're lucky to be a member of i.com's SF cartel!
by Anonymouse on Thu Dec 16, 2010 05:37 AM PSTIf any of us had posted a blog photo like yours JJJ would've flogged us mercilessly!
Anyway, nice story but you expect us to believe that you were a Teflon Moslem sitting politely next to an Iranian hooker?! Well maybe you did that time but how about another story about the time that you actually went for it?! Or you can write an invitation asking all i.com male contributors to write their hooker stories!
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Everything is sacred
What was wrong with you?
by Souri on Thu Dec 16, 2010 04:41 AM PSTYou said : No Thank to almost every thing! Were you that shy? Or you are too timid now to tell us the truth and the whole truth?
Very interesting story. As usual you have a good skill of story telling which never bores the reader. I enjoyed it very much. Thanks.
The good behavior of the people, warms our heart and make us thankful..... And the bad ones, just make us to recognize and appreciate the good ones!