کلاس آموزشی برای آقایان


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Honest Hassan
by Honest Hassan
13-Jun-2008
 

 

اهداف تربیتی: جهت تقویت ان بخشی از مغز که از وجودش بی خبرند.

واحد اول: دروس پاایه ای
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-- چطور بدون مادرمان زندگی کنیم .200 ساعت
-- همسرم مادرم نیست. 35 ساعت
-- درک این مساله که فوتبال چیزی جز یک ورزش نیست و که حذف شدن از جام جهانی فاجعه نیست 500 ساعت

واحد دو: زندگی زناشویی
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-- بچه دار شدن بدون حسودی به نوزاد 50 ساعت
-- غلبه بر سندروم "کنترل از راه دور تلویزیون همیشه باید دست من باشد" 55ساعت
-- درک این مساله مهم که کفش ها خودشان توی جا کفشی نمی روند. 80 ساعت
-- چطور بدون گم شدن، لباس های کثیفمان را تا سبد رخت چرک ببریم. 50 ساعت
-- چطور بدون اینکه ناله کنیم از بیماری مهلک سرما خوردگی جان سالم به در ببریم. 50 ساعت

واحد سوم:اوقات فراغت
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-- چطور در آشپزی کمک کنیم بدون اینکه آشپزخانه را به گند بکشیم
-- چطور نوشیدنی سرو کنیم بدون اینکه سینی را تبدیل به استخر کنیم
-- چطور یک بلوز را در کم تر از دو ساعت اتو کنیم و در عین حال از سوختنش جلوگیری کنیم

واحد سه: آشپزخانه
-----------------
-- مرحله اول مقدماتی Offخاموش On روشن
-- مرحله دوم پيشرفته اولین نیمروی زندگیم بدون سوزاندن ماهیتابه
-- کلاس عملی:عملیات جوشاندن آب قبل از اضافه کردن ماکارونی

بعد از قبولی در مرحله اول مرحله فشرده با عناوین زیر آغاز میشود.نظر به اینکه مباحث واقعا پیچیده اند در هر کلاس حداکثر هشت شاگرد پذیرفته می شوند.

-- اولین مبحث: البسه از لباسشویی تا کمد : یک مرحله مرموز
-- دومین مبحث: ریسک های پر کردن ظرف آب بعد از آب خوردن و بردن آن تا یخچال
-- سومین مبحث:آشپزی و بیرون بردن زباله ها شما را ناقص نمی کند
--  چهارمین مبحث:مصیبت کاغذ توالت:کاغذ توالت خود به خود کنار توالت ظاهر نمیشود(نمایشگاهی از همه چیزهای خود به خودی در خانه! )
--  پنجمین مبحث:ایا وقتی مردی رانندگی می کند،می تواند آدرس بپرسد بدون اینکه بی عرضه به نظر برسد؟(مطالعه ميداني)
--  ششمین مبحث:تفاوت های اساسی زمین با سبد رخت چرک.
-- هفتمین مبحث: "مردی در صندلی کنار راننده" آیا واقعا ممکن است دائما دستور العمل صادر نکنیم و غر نزنیم وقتی خانم رانندگی می کند یا مشغول پارک کردن است؟


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more from Honest Hassan
 
Rosie T.

Hmmmm.....Ebi / Hassan

by Rosie T. on Sat Jun 14, 2008 07:14 PM PDT

Hmmmmmmmmmm:

You CAN try to answer your wife when she wants to discuss the last argument you had if she is talking rationally now instead of going into another room to read the newspaper.   500 hours

Not SURE that is an Iranian as well aa American phenomenon.  Iranian men are extraordinarily verbose, for men.  For ANYONE, actually.  Even when they're quiet.   At least that has been my (unfortunately limited) experience. It seens like such a talky culture on both sides, female AND male. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

And this one I KNOW is not for Iranian men.  But it's VERY important for American men:

It is okay for men to cry.    18 million hours.

I think Iranian men cry a lot.  But maybe that's only at funerals and for the observant, during those recitations about Karbala.  So, probably they should have at least ONE hour on the benefits of crying in general.

I feel somewhat encouraged Ebi.  With ALL these hours Iranian men will have to put in if they want to balance out their brains, I should NOT be daunted at ALL with my Persian studies...I am UNDAUNTED...fearless...ShirZanam.

Thanks SOOO much, Ebi, you're a...an...Ebi.

I can't believe you did all that for me...

:o)

Rosie

 


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ebi amirhosseini

Dear Rosie,with permission of Hassan Jaan!!

by ebi amirhosseini on Sat Jun 14, 2008 06:23 PM PDT

I am going to butcher his incredible satire,with a " word-by-word ' translation of it.Hope he graciously does n't mind alot !?

 

Educational course for men -Educational goals : To improve the part of brain,that [men] are unaware of. -First course/class : basic lessons - How to live without our mothers. 200 hours. - My wife is not my mom. 35 hours. - To understand that football/soccer,is only a game;& being disqualified from " World Cup Tournoments",is not the end of the world. 500 hours. Second course/class : Married life - Having a child without being jelious of him/her. 50 hours. - To overcome the " I must have the tv remote control all the time " syndrom. 55 hours. - To understand the fact that,shoes donot fit in the shoe rack by themselves. 80 hours. - How to carry our dirty clothes to the laundry basket,without being lost. 50 hours. - How to recover from the life-threating disease "cold",without whining & nagging. 50 hours. Third course/class :Spare/leisure time -How to help [ our wife ] in cooking,without making a mess in the kitchen. -How to serve drinks,without turning the tray into a pool. -How to iron a blouse in less than 2 hours,without burning it. Fourht course/calss : In the kitchen -Elementry level : [what] Off & On [ means ]. -Advanced level : [how ] to cook my first fried eggs of my life,without burning the frying pan. -Applied course/class -How to boil the water,before adding the pasta to [ the pot ]. After graduating from the first level,there is a crash course with the following subjects. [ Note : ] since the subjects are highly complicated in this level,the maximum number [of applicants] accepted in each class is limited to 8 students. -First lesson: Clothes,from washing machine to closet; a myserious step. -Second lesson: The risks involving filling up the pitcher ,after drinking water & taking it to the fridge. -Third lesson: Cooking & taking the trash out won't make you disabled. -Fourth lesson: The disaster/hassle of " Toilet Paper "  Toilet paper [ roll ] won't appear [ magically ] by itself next to the toilet seat.( field study ). -Fifth lesson : Can a man,while driving;ask an address,without looking useless !? -Sixth lesson:  Basic differences betwwen  the earth & laundry basket. -Seventh lesson: " A man in the passenger seat [ of a car ]".Is it really possible,not to constantly issue orders & nag ;while [ our ] wife is driving or parking [ the car ] !?.

  •  
Rosie T.

Hassan / Ebi

by Rosie T. on Sat Jun 14, 2008 11:34 AM PDT

Hassan, I thought you might get a chuckle out of this.  You were my font, my sole inspiration.

//iranian.com/main/blog/rosie-t/you-know-you-are-not-iranian-when

Unfortunately, my Persian is no longer good enough to understand this blog.  But then Ebi came, as he has with you, like a knight in shining armour, and directed me to where I could find help with it online. As he now has come to you.

What can I say, Ebi? You're a prince among men....  :o)

Rosie


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Monda

very funny!

by Monda on Sat Jun 14, 2008 10:22 AM PDT

So perhaps a multilingual format would best serve your educational goal; all the items on your recommended syllabus can be used by men in general, not just Iranians. Please let us know if you need volunteer translators! 

 

 


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bajenaghe naghi

honest hassan jan

by bajenaghe naghi on Fri Jun 13, 2008 05:11 PM PDT

You are a genious in these matters and you make me laugh so much. I need to take your class about the pasta and water. 


  •  
azaadeh

...

by azaadeh on Fri Jun 13, 2008 04:37 PM PDT

از خنده مردم!

مرسی.

 

 


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ebi amirhosseini

Hasssan jaan !!

by ebi amirhosseini on Fri Jun 13, 2008 04:34 PM PDT

I have Phd in all above-mentioned subjects !!

If ever, you needed a Teacher Assistant ,you can count on me !!

 


  •  
default

Hassan agha jan

by Mehran- (not verified) on Fri Jun 13, 2008 03:19 PM PDT

mesleh inkeh party-eh shoma kheili kolofteh too in site.
they fix your blog and feature it too!

hala in class haro ki dars mideh? khodetoon?

;-)


  •  
News Goffer

The funniest thing I read in weeks!

by News Goffer on Fri Jun 13, 2008 02:28 PM PDT

Very very funny!  Fantastic!  I'm forwarding this to those who need to see it immediately!  Kheili ba namaki Hassan Agha!


  •  
Tahirih

You are so funny.

by Tahirih on Fri Jun 13, 2008 02:18 PM PDT

I laughed so much that I can not breath!!!

Thanks

Tahirih


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