KayvanAli

Not Mohandes jokes

I heard the following two jokes over 40 years ago:

An Iranian, an American and a Frenchman were talking about their respective countries. The Frenchman says, “The other day I dug a 1 meter deep hole and I found lots of “Sim” (wire) that shows that we were using phones in France 100 years ago”. The American replies, “that’s nothing, one day, I dug a 2 meters deep hole and I found a ton of “Sim” (wires) … that shows we were using phones in US about 200 years ago”. The Iranian puts on a smirk on his face and says, “You fools, I dug at least 5 meters and didn’t find anything .. That means we were using “Bi-Sim” for at least for 5 centuries”!!!

Same three people were put on a bus where all windows were covered and they took off for around the world tour. After a few days of travel, the American says, “We are in USA”. The other two asked, “how do you know that?”, to which the American replies, “I stuck my hand outside of a window I touched the Statue of Liberty”. Iranian and Frenchman say Wow in amazement .... A few more days passes and this time the Frenchman says, “We are in France”. The other two ask him the same question to which the Frenchman replies, “I stuck my hand outside of a window and I touched the Eiffel Tower”. Iranian and American say Wow in amazement .... And again a few days passes and this time the Iranian says, “We must be in Iran” … Same question is asked by the American and the Frenchman and Iranians answers, “I stuck my hand outside of a window and someone stole my watch”!!!!

Not an engineer joke ... but close

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when
suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud
towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit,
Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out
the window and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly
how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me
one?"

The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then
looked at his peacefully-grazing flock and calmly
answered, "Sure." The yuppie parked his car, whipped out
his notebook and connected it to a cell phone, then he
surfed to a NASA page on the Internet where he called up a
surveillance satellite system, scanned the area, and then
opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex
formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a
few minutes, received a response.

Finally, he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says,
"You have exactly 1586 sheep." "That is correct; take one
of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the young man
select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.

Then the shepherd says: " If I can tell you exactly what
your business is, will you give me back my sheep?" "OK,
why not." answered the young man.

"Clearly, you are a consultant." said the shepherd.
"That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess
that?"

"No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned
up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid
for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked,
and you don't know anything about my business. Now give me
back my dog."

An Iranian is in a flight

An Iranian is in a flight home, before take off he opens a book and starts reading, here it comes an American sitting next to him and after a few minutes he says.....

_ I've heard if you start a conversation the time goes by much quicker.

_ Yeah....I've heard that to.

_ So....let's talk about something.

_ OK....what would you like to talk about?

_ Well.....Let's see.....OK......what's up with this nuclear stand off thing between your country and the rest of the world?

_......Let me ask you a question......a horse, a sheep and a cow....all three consume the same thing, grass....right?

_ I think you're right.

_  so.....how come their dung is so different? they're like muffin, olives and burger patty ?

_ Hmmm......I don't know! ....you got me!

_ Then how do you suppose you're eligible to discuss a nuclear stand off when you don't know shit ??

 One day, an engineer

 One day, an engineer died, went to heaven, and met God. God said, "Hey! You're not on the list. Go to Hell."

So he walked down about 3,945,081 flights of stairs, and met the devil.

While in hell, he wasn't happy with the place so he made all sorts of things, like refrigerators, escalators, air conditioners, etc.

One day, God called the devil and said, "You know that engineer? Well, he is supposed to be up here."

So the devil said, "Are you crazy? I won't give up this guy."

God said, "if you don't, I'll sue."

The devil replied "and where exactly are you going to find a lawyer??"

IRANdokht

hope you enjoy this one

A doctor, a lawyer and an engineer are sitting at a bar and they start this conversation of who's profession is the oldest.

The doctor says... God created Eve from Adam's rib so he was the first surgeon (doctor).

The engineer says... yes, but he did that after he created the Universe after a period of chaos and confusion so he was an engineer first.

The lawyer says... yes, but who created that chaos and confusion?

Another One

یک روز سه نفر به اعدام توسط گیوتین محکوم شده بودند. یکی‌ از آنها یک بقال، دیگری یک قصاب، و آخری یک مهندس بودند. وقتی‌ بقال را زیر گیوتین گذاشتند و تیغه را پائین آوردند، ناگهان تیغه وسط کار ایستد. به او گفتند شما بخشوده شدید. وقتی‌ قصاب را زیر گیوتین گذاشتند، باز هم تیغه وسط کار ایستاد. به قصاب هم گفتند شما بخشوده شدید. نوبت به مهندس که رسید گفت "ببخشید من اشکالشو فهمیدم، اجازه میدین بر طرف کنم؟!!"

Nah...

I guess you have to be an IT guy (or gal) to get it!

LOL

The joke and both comments were hilarious. Here's another old one for you

An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.

"Where did you get such a rockin' bike?" asked the first.

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

IRANdokht

Mohandes Jan:

That was sooo funny! I also loved Foaad's comment! I have so many Mohandes-e-narm-afzar (software engineer) jokes and stories to tell you, from the years I worked in the industry. All you have to do to hear them is to procure dinner! Just kidding!

The following joke which is really rather old, is one of my favorite ones of all times:
-------
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I`ll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I`ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I`ve told you I`m a beautiful princess, that I`ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won`t you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I`m an engineer. I don`t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that`s way cool!"

جواب چیه؟

کیوان جان،

الان سه ساعته که دنباله جواب این معما در اینترنت جستجو می‌کنم ولی‌ هنوز چیزی پیدا نکردم.