Akhoond in Space


Multiple Personality Disorder
by Multiple Personality Disorder

Once again congratulation to Iranian people, especially to the ahkoond Iranians, for achieving another milestone in their scientific endeavor, the launch of a homegrown satellite. As you may recall the Islamic Republic of Iran had previously succeeded in cloning sheep in the hopes of one day duplicating, and quadruplicating themselves to eternally rule over our Islamic land. Also, in achieving construction of a sex segregated park, a task that has never ever been achieved by the most sophisticated societies on this planet. Islamic Republic of Iran, once confident in its scientific ability, has set out new goals for itself in space.

The program received an overwhelming boost from Ayatollah Ali khamenei when he, in nationally televised speech in 2006, outlined the goals as follows:

“We are to win the battle that is now going on around the world between Islam and freedom. Since early in my tyranny, our efforts in space have been under review. With the advice from Hashemi Rafsanjani, the Chairman of the Assembly of Experts, and the head of the Islamic Space Occupation Council (ISOC), we have examined where we are strong and where we are not, where we may succeed and where we may not. Now it is time to take an estekhareh, time for a great new Islamic enterprise, time for Islam to take a clearly leading role in space achievement, which in many ways may hold the key to our future on earth.

I believe we possess all the national Iranian oil resources and talents necessary, especially all the help from Imam Zaman. But the facts of the matter are that we have never made an Islamic decision, or marshaled the resources required for such leadership. We have never specified long-range goals on an urgent time schedule, or managed our resources and our time so as to insure their fulfillment.

Recognizing the head start obtained by the Zionist occupiers of Quds with their large rocket engines, which gives them many months of lead-time, and recognizing the likelihood that they will exploit this lead for some time to continue their illegal occupation of Palestine, we nevertheless are required to make new efforts on our own. For while we cannot guarantee that we shall one day be first, we can guarantee that any failure to make this effort will make us last. We take an additional risk by making it in full view of the world, this very risk enhances our Islamic stature when we are successful. But this is not merely a race. Space is open to us now; and our eagerness to share its meaning is not governed by the efforts of the Zionists. Islam will go into space because whatever the Zionists undertake, Islamic men must fully share.

I therefore ask Majles, above and beyond the increases I have earlier requested for space activities, to provide the funds which are needed to meet the following Islamic goals:

First, I believe that this Islamic Republic of Iran should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing an akhoond on the Moon and returning him safely to Qum. No single space project in this period will be more impressive to talabeh, or more important for the long-range exploration of space; and none will be so difficult or expensive to accomplish. We propose to accelerate the development of the appropriate space crafts. We propose to develop alternate liquid and solid fuel boosters to carry an akhoond and his aftabeh full of water to space, much larger than any now being developed in the old Paykan Factory, until certain which is superior.

We propose additional funds for other engine development and for unmanned explorations, explorations which are particularly important for one purpose which this Islamic nation will never overlook: the survival of the first talabeh that makes this daring flight. But in a very real sense, it will not be one akhoond going to the Moon, if we make this judgment affirmatively, it will be the entire Islamic nations. For all of us must work to put him there.”

Meanwhile President MaKHmoud AHKmadinejad said he hopes to be the first Iranian chimpanzee in space.


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more from Multiple Personality Disorder

Islam versus Freedom

by Mark Montgomery (not verified) on

This piece is very funny but also quite sad because it is so close to truth. ofWhat are the ultimate goals of Islam?: The segregation of men and women, the total subjugation of all women at every level,the ending of education for women, the annihilation of Israel, Christians, Jews, Hindus and the rest of us "infidels", the death of cinema and art and music. When is it going to be clear to the west that we are under attack and are in a life-and-death struggle with Islam, not with "terrorism"? Islam IS terrorism. Mark Montgomery boboberg@nyc.rr.com


Akhoonds (mullahs of Iran),

by true persian (not verified) on

Akhoonds (mullahs of Iran), now in space are similar to Glingons on the old episodes of Startreck.Developed by screenwriter Gene L. Coon, Klingons were darkly colored humanoid warrior species with little honor ,from the planet Qo'noS (pronounced Kronos), an M-class planet. The aggressive Klingon culture had made them an interstellar military power to be respected and feared.


I loved it...thank you. I

by teapot (not verified) on

I loved it...thank you. I needed the laugh.

If they can build a satellite, why can't refine their own oil or build the engines for the Khodor??

I think Russia has helped them in launching this satellite for it's own devious purposes, using Iranians as a tool to posture against the US defense sheild in Poland.


Salam Javada agha

by Souri on

pas az arz adab, bayad farmayesh konam ke mikhastam "ghalat haye farsie" shoma ro begiram....amma ghalat farsi nadashtid :O)

in boud ke be ghalat arabi ektefaa kardam va baratoon arz mikonam (ke ye vaght az aghayoun asaatid, aghab nayoftam !)

in Aghayan Assaatid, be arabi ba "T do noghteh" va "Cin" neveshteh mishe. va man midounam ke shoma ham khoub midounid !! hala manzouretoon chi boud ke amdan ghlalat neveshtid, khoda midoneh !!


anonymous fish


by anonymous fish on

i don't know what got into everyone but i am LOVING the clever and witty posts lately.  what a refreshing change.

damet garm.

Multiple Personality Disorder

Dear Monda,

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

Yes, I do mean endeavor, but unfortunately this blog is now featured and any editing I do to it will cause it to un-feature.  I will correct it later when it drops off the featured list.

My writing on this piece is minimal since most of the speech is from John F. Kennedy’s Special Address to Congress On The Importance of Space on May 25, 1961.

Thank you, 


Dear MPD

by Monda on

I guess all fonts remain set on Farsi for Mr. Yassari's gathering! I had to reread your piece to make sure it was written in English. You write very well no matter what time of day, or under which physical condition. Your piece gave me a chuckle first thing in the morning. Thank you. 

P.S. before any critiques find this, in the first paragraph did you mean endeavour?

Multiple Personality Disorder

جناب آقای یساری و یک هموطن

Multiple Personality Disorder

من از بس چرند و پرند نوشتم یواش یواش یک مقدار فارسی هم یاد گرفتم، مخصوصاً آنکه ساعت سه و نیم صبح، وقتی که احتیاج به تخلیهء مثانه داشتم، از خواب ناز، که در خواب آب می دیدم، بیدار شدم و بعد از تخلیهء مثانه از فرصت استفاه کرده و در بلاگ مشاعره نیشم را باز کردم و شعری گفتم.

هر کس می خواد بمن فارسی یاد بده اشکالی نداره، خیلی ممنون میشم. من هم بهش انگلیسی یاد میدم، مجانی، مخصوصاً آنهائی که در شهر عزیز تورآنتو زندگی می کنند.

مرحمت زیاد،


جواد خان

یک هموطن (not verified)

با اینکه مولتی خوب نوشته بود و از خوندن مقالش همچین بگی نگی یک لبخندی زدم ولی خوندن نظر شما برام لذت بیشتری داشت و دلمو خنک کرد. دیگه وضع انقدر خراب شده که آغایون درس فارسی هم در کمال پرروئی به ما میدن... دستتون درد نکنه که عالی گفتین.

Javad Yassari

آقای چندگونه

Javad Yassari

خیلی به دقت خوندم ببینم این چه جور پستی میشه؟  خوب نفهمیدم که از اونها میشه که مگس توش پر نمیزنه، یا از اونها میشه که توش تدریس زبان فارسی میشه.  گفتم اگر قراره آغایان علما تشریف بیارند و به ما بعد از تدریس میهن پرستی و استدلالات منطقی که سیلابوس های اولیه بود، به تدریس پیشرفته’ زبان فارسی نیز بپردازند، من هم بدوا اینجا عرض اندامی بکنم، چون بعدا باید عقب بایستیم و پیش آغایان اصاطید لنگ بیاندازیم.

امیدوارم خیلی مشتری به تورتان بخورد آقای چندگونه.  اگر هم نشد که بنده شخصا مشتری هستم.  آن قسمت آخرین بودن را خیلی هستم!  از شوخی گذشته، نویسنده’ زبردستی هستی چندگونه جان.  عرض کردم که، من مشتری هستم.