Islamic Car


Islamic Car
by Multiple Personality Disorder

As you might remember, in the past few years the Islamic Republic of Iran (IRI) has made several advances in Islamization of the Iranian society, such as introducing “women-only Taxis”, “segregated parks”, “banks for ladies only”, divided classrooms and concert halls, and so on. The latest development in segregating the two main genders in Iran is introduction of the “Islamic Car”, made specifically for Islamic counties when the first stage of production goes underway, and then for the rest of the world when Ahmadinejad, with help and management from Imam Zaman, takes over the planet!

Iran Khodro, Iran’s largest carmaker’s Deputy Chief Executive Officer, Mir Javad Soleimani, announced yesterday: “If we [Turkey and Iran] reach an understanding, we will begin producing an Islamic car… [The new automobile] will be a brand specifically for Muslim states… We will target their markets.”

According to an insider, the most prominent feature of the new Islamic car is its manually-operated Islamic Retractable Curtain (IRC) that with the push of an Islamic button, lowers a curtain from the ceiling of the car, separating the car into two separate compartments, one for man-only drivers and passengers, and the other side for naamahram female passengers. Another interesting feature of the car will be the use an already-developed Islamic Global Positioning System (IGPS), better known on the streets of Tehran as FAATI (Full Apartheid According To Islam). With this Islamic device, one can quickly find the nearest mosque in any town, the shortest and fastest route to Jamkaran, Qom, and Mashhad, the best location in town to eat free sandees, nazree, sholeh zard, and aab’e salsabil, and routes to avoid traffic congestion due to street demonstrations if you’re in a hurry to go home and watch Islamic programs on the privately owned seda va sima.

Another feature of the car is its Islamic Sound System (ISS). With this state-of-the-art system, any naamahram’s voice, speaking in the car, will be altered in such a way that it no longer appears to be that of a woman's, and so therefore it will have no shahvati effect on any basiji or labaas shakhsee owners of such cars. But in case IRC and ISS fail to perform their Islamic duty, as it was intended, appropriate redundancies have been built into the Islamic Car so no violation of any Islamic jurisprudence would occur. According to the insider, if IRC and ISS fail altogether then FAATI will take over and direct horny regime-supporting Islamic Car drivers to the nearest sigheh khonee office, or to the nearest khaneh’e efaaf.

Islamic Car’s other standard features include, khaak-e tayamom (bag of baptized soil) for prayer ablution in traffic jams, mohr (clay prayer tablet), dampaei (slippers), pajamas, abridged mafatih-ol-janan (book of supplications), ja namaaz (prayer rug), and a unique plumbing system for filling up aftaabeh (a water vessel for self cleaning when there is no kolookh to be found anywhere).

And for the Islamist thugs who are not interested in IRC, IGPS, ISS, or any other fancy stuff, and all want is merely a basic utilitarian Islamic vehicle so they can go out there and do their usual harassing deeds; the manufacturer is planning to sell a Special Edition of the Islamic Car that has nothing except a large trunk, a couple of chomaghs, a container full of gasoline, and some matches, so regime supporters can go out there and grab anyone they don’t like and take them for a ride, take them to a desolate place, beat the crap out of them, rape, and murder them, and then burn them to death if they are not already dead. This model is also most usable for impromptu (khodjoosh) demonstrations, since it has lots of room for ghameh, pro-regime banners, tear gas, pepper spray, and tazers.


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by yolanda on

Hi! MPD,

    Thank you for the dramatization of current event.....I found 2 English articles about the Islamic cars:



One article said that "The three nations are expected to develop the car with Islamic features such as a compass to determine the direction of Holy Mecca."........

Oh Gosh, actually your article offers more Islamic features than the news articles...:O).........You have a great imagination and creativity! All the acronyms sound funny like IGPS, ISS, and FAATI......

    Lets see how Islamic the new cars are when they hit the market!



by Majid on



میگن اندازهء باک بنزینش سه وجب در سه وجب در سه وجب هست (اندازهء کُر)

یک مدل خاصّ «سِدان» در طرح هست اختصاصاً برای سیّد ها.

مدل کروکی (بدون سقف) برای ایّام محرّم که بشه بدون محدودیت ارتفاعی فرایضی مثل زنجیر و قمه و سینه زنی رو انجام داد.

مجهّز به دکمه ای هست که چراغ راهنمائی سبز رو تبدیل به آبی میکنه (برای اوندسته از افرادی که از رنگ سبز متنفّرند)

روی صندلی هاش دستگاه شامّهء دیجیتالی حسّاسی تعبیه شده که اگه طهارت اسلامی کامل نداشته باشی ماشین روشن نمیشه!

میکروفُن های پیشرفته ای کار گذاشته شده که اگه به رهبر، احمدی، جنّتی، تمساح یزدی، شاهرودی، محسنی اژه ای،....... فحشی بدی که توش به آلت رجُلیت اشاره داشته باشه در ها خود بخود قفل میشن تا سربازهای گمنام برسن!

امکانات دیگه ئی هم هست که بعداً بهش اشاره میشه.


Thanks for the good laugh MPD

by divaneh on

Dear MPD that was an excellent introduction of this vehicle. Yes, I have heard of it and apparently it comes with a ramp and you have to take it one the ramp 5 times a day so that its boot is pointing upward.

Its fuel tank has a programmable lock that one month a year does not allow you to fuel it between the sunrise and sunset.

They have also targeted the Iran's market with a special model that breaks its own windscreen once a year.

It will come in two main seidati and sadati, male and female models. The female model apparently is not good for driving as you cannot see anything through the black covering that covers it all, and it’s only made to be kept in garage. The female model however is more high maintenance and needs servicing every night.

کلاه مخملی

خدا رحممون کنه ... !

کلاه مخملی

بهتره سوار الاغ شیم .. :)



Anahid Hojjati

Dear Multiple Personality, your blog today is a must read

by Anahid Hojjati on

Dear MPD, what a funny blog. As I was reading it, I was deciding on good lines to quote here and write that they are the lines I love most but I quickly realized that was not possible. The whole blog is very witty.  Therefore, I won't be doing justice to it to just have one or two quotes from it in my comment.

Everyone needs to simply read this blog and have a laugh at absurdities of the IRI. Thanks for once again showing how idiotic IRI 's actions are.


a little nostalgia

by mahmoudg on

Iran Khodro (Iran National) was the branchild of two brother entrepreneurs, among the many Iran was indoctrinating to the free world.  Brothers Khayami, Mahmoud and Ahmad, brought the first of many innovations as it pertained to the auto industry, including providing free housing for all of its workers.  Where we are under the Shah's regime and where we are today!!! We are being mocked of the West for shenanigans like this Islamic Car.  Does the west want to exert its existence to the rest of the world by a Christian car or the Jews by a Jewish car?  Lets grow up Iran, and learn that Islam is the cause of all the ills in our country.  Sooner we get rid of it, sooner we will start prospering.