Islamic Tricycle vs. Bicycle


Islamic Tricycle vs. Bicycle
by Multiple Personality Disorder

Every human being on this planet, with a minimal education, knows the difference between "two" and "three", yet Islamic designers, employed by the Islamic Republic of Iran's fuel management and transportation, and other competitors, are trying to shove down our throats the idea of replacing women's bicycles with especially made Islamic “Tricycles’.  Trying to shove three wheels down our throats and call it two.

Sure, sure, we have other more important things to worry about than bicycles and tricycles.  For examples:

  •   Sanctions
  •   Fingering or not fingering during soccer matches
  •   Israel's any moment attack on Iranian nuclear facilities
  •   Whether we should wail quietly or noisily in public
  •   U.S. military build-up in the region
  •   Accusations against a former used car dealer plotting to assassinate the Saudi Arabia's ambassador in the U.S.
  •   30,000,000,000,000 rials worth of bank embezzlement (do I have enough zeroes?)
  •  Impending changes being made to the Islamic Republic's Constitution, to do away with presidency and replacing it with some kind of parliamentary system, maybe or maybe not occurring in a near future, or far future
  •  United Nations’ Special Rapporteur’s report on the situation of human rights in Iran
  •  Whether we should beat up soccer referees or just hang them high from cranes when we don't like the calls they make
  •  Cruel and unusual punishment in the penal code of the Islamic Republic of Iran's Constitution, things like flogging, limb amputations, eye gouging, and public hanging from cranes
  •   Drying of lakes and rivers in Iran (hopefully this one will end soon with the record-breaking snow fall in autumn), and destruction of Iran's forests and ecosystems

And so on...  These are only a few.

But, nevertheless, I am telling you now, if we accept that 'three' is the same thing as 'two', that a tricycle is the same thing as a bicycle, then the Islamic Republic of Iran would be able to do anything to us they wish.  For examples:

  •   One day they might come up and claim that a man that was dead for centuries has reappeared from a well.  And, we would say sure, no problem.  A Tricycle is the same thing as a bicycle; dead man appears from a well, no problem.
  •   Or, they might say, a crazy man was attempting to cut his teenage son's head off like a sheep thousands of years ago, but a man from a distant future traveled to the past and interfered in the matter, preventing the crazy man from slaughtering his own son.  And, we'd say, sure, sure, I believe it.  Two is the same as three, man travels to the past.  No problem.  I am cool with it.

Or whatever...

So, how did all of this start?  It was only a few days ago when Mohammad Royanian, head of Iran's fuel management and transportation, announced design of bicycles especially made for women.  He said, an Islamic Bicycle is being designed that will have the necessary features to protect Muslim women and their values.  First of all, someone explain to me what these valuable Muslim women's values are supposed to be that the other women in the world don’t have?  But then again, Muslim designers have been hard at work ever since the announcement came out, or as Mohammad himself said, the design was underway already, but the problem with the design of this bicycle is not with the frame, handle bar, the drive mechanism, the wheels, or any other parts of the bicycle, except for the bicycle seat.  You see, the modern day, or to be more precise, the Christian/Western style bicycle seats are designed to go in between the legs, right where one "roon" meets another "roon" and form a "koon".  In the Christian/Western style bicycles the seat goes smack right where the koon is.  It's very unholy!  Any time a woman rides a bicycle the seat is right in between her roons, under her koon, and right against her...  In front of that koon, there is a...  in front of that koon there is a...  How can I say it without offending anyone!  Well alright!  Alright!  Right in front of that koon, towards the front of the seat, anytime a woman rides a bicycle there is, there is, there is a cheechee.  There, I said it, cheechee, cheechee.  Go sue me now.

So, where was I?  Oh yeah, as far as the Islamic bicycle design is concerned, man’s weewee is not an issue; in front, in the back, in the middle, who cares if weewee gets squeezed, crushed, or bludgeoned, no problem.  But in case of Muslim woman, kooneshoon and cheecheeshoon is a problem, is THE problem, to be more precise.  There is no way an Islamic bicycle for women would be allowed to be designed with that type of a seat, which would go right in between Islamic women's asses and their cheechees.  'Those kinds of seats are good only for the Christian/Western sex-crazed female bicyclists, and for the Jews, and atheists, Hindus, and all the other people of the other regions, who allow their women to sit on such seats without a shame.  Those seats are not for Muslim women!  Because, Muslim men would never allow anything in between their Muslim women's legs, except their own... except their own...'  Well, you get the point, don't you?  No need for me to say it.

So, a bicycle style seat is out of the question, but other types of seats, such as an office chair type of a seat, or an automobile type, would be accepted, well not really accepted, because if it was up to them, the only place they would allow a woman to sit would be on the floor, but since those bucket-type seats are prevalent in the Iranian society already, they would be more acceptable to be incorporated in the design of the Islamic “Bicycle” for women than a Christian/Western style bicycle seat.  So, the idea is for Muslim women to sit on a chair type of a seat, without any part of the chair going in between their legs.  But, the problem now is double folded, how to maintain balance in that kind of a bicycle-geometry, where a cyclist has to sit on a chair, maintain balance, and pedal efficiently.  The latter part of the problem is solved with what is known as reclining, where legs are stretched forward, as with a recline bicycle, in comparison to being vertical, as in un-Islamic bicycles.  But, recline bicycles are hard to maintain balance.  They require extra skills, and keeping balance for an unskilled chador-clad Muslim woman is even harder, therefore a third wheel being added to prevent the bicycles from tilting over.  Because, any falling off from a two-wheeled bicycle means exposure of Islamic female's gorgeous body parts, hidden under Islamic veils.  What?!  What?!  They don't have gorgeous body parts under those veils?  Of course they do, otherwise why would the Islamic Republicans be so concerned about covering them up?!

Anyhow, in my opinion, we should forget about nuclear issues, sanctions, APAC, NIAC, invasion, election, and all the other stuff.  I think we should focus on this one issue, and this one issue alone, because our existence depends on it.  We should not accept a tricycle to be forced on us as a bicycle, as mandatory hijab was, otherwise we'll enable the Islamic rulers to do anything to us they wish; like for example, one day they might come up and say, nothing bad ever happened in Kahrizak, and we'd say sure, I go along with that.  Or, nobody ever gets forced to make confessions against himself, and we'll say, sure, it's all good.  Or, they might say, being whipped is good for you, and we'd say, sure, whip me good.  They might say, someone on earth is The Light of God, and someone else is The Representative of God on Earth, and another one is The Hand of God, and we'd say, sure, no problem, I'm cool with all of that.  Or, they might say, it's OK for men in charge of the banking system in Iran to be permanent residents of other countries, and we'd say, I can accept that, I dig it man, nothing is wrong with that.  It's all fine.  Let's chill out.

Don't say I didn't warn you.  They'll make us believe in anything they want, once they succeed in making us believe that a tri-cycle is a bi-cycle.  We have to draw the line and say no.  We put up with mass protests being crushed, and people being raped and killed.  We put up with political prisoners being disbarred from practicing their professional jobs for the next thirty years, and we handed over our hard-earned money to the poor Islamic bankers to build mansions in Canada, and we looked the other way when soccer players fingered each other in the ass in the middle of the field, but enough is enough.  It's time to say we are fed up and we're not gonna take it anymore.

But, just saying no is not enough.  We have to take action.  We should form a council; National Iranian Council Against Islamic Tricycles (NICAIT), and the first job of the council should be to elect an Iranian female bicyclist as the president of the council, and her first job should be to explain to the nation why a bicycle style seat is the preferable kind of a seat.

Down with Islamic Tricycles!
Down with Islamic Tricycle seats!
Long live Christian/Western bicycles!
Long live bicycle seats!
Riding Christian/Western bicycles is our inalienable right!


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more from Multiple Personality Disorder

You are a genius MPD

by divaneh on

Not only for writing this funny blog but also because you came up with the solution and you left it to the readers to see it in between your words. Yes, office chair, that's the perfect solution. Who said a bicycle needs pedals and gears? They can seat on it and push themselves backwards with their feet. Just as you sometimes do in the office. Women going backward will certainly make it as Islamic as it can be. I know it has four or more wheels depending on the model, but if a bicycle can have three wheels , then why not more? There is no proof that the bicycle in that picture doesn't have six wheels either. 



by yolanda on

Hi! MPD,

      Thank you for your eye-opening blog. Now I have a better understanding why IRI has qualms over women riding bike! IRI is just like Taliban paranoid over everything. I did not know the bike is viewed as a sex stimulator by IRI! It is crazy! IRI really has wild imagination! There is an Iranian movie called "The day I became a woman". A lady started to ride a bike and competed in a cycling race, her hubby asked her to give it up or get a divorce. This defiant lady chose divorce and bike over her hubby....



so apparently bike is a touchy subject in Iran.......

I also noticed that Iran did not have any female cyclists in the Asian Games, they sent 14 male cyclists:


I found an interesting quote:

"I think [the bicycle] has done more to emancipate women than anything else in the world." by Susan B. Anthony

Your organization "National Iranian Council Against Islamic Tricycles (NICAIT)" cracked me up!

The photo in your blog looks like a golf cart to me!


Women, Imposed Islam and Bicycles (Pics)

by IranFirst on

Islam and women Bicycles



This is from a series of artistic pictures called "Qajar Gallery" produced by Shadi Ghadirian


She shows the position of women as second class citizens (under Islam)

By the way here is a picture of a real Qajar woman (150 years ago)



Try not to fall in love, but notice she is wearing LESS than what women are allowed to wear  today, under imposed Islam and IRI


Finally, since this thread is about bicycles, here is a picture of Ahmadinejad's grand father, riding a bike.





Esfand Aashena

MPD jaan she's biking to join a seminar for the 72 virgins!

by Esfand Aashena on

Everything is sacred

Multiple Personality Disorder

Holy mother of all un-Islamic bicycle seats!!!

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

I'm very late for work, but I took a few minutes to check this one out.  This photo is the mother of all un-Islamic bicycle seats.  Very disturbing and unholy!


hamsade ghadimi

evolution of islamic bicycle

by hamsade ghadimi on

funny blog mpd.  sad blog mpd.  i think your condition is contagious.  i'm sure that the islamic bicycle committee thought very hard about this design.  their first consideration was this version: //

but alas, it wasn't original enough.  they want to put their own iri mark on an islamic bicycle, or tricycle, or whatchoumacallit. 

the next design was similar to this: //

but it was unanimously rejected because it was topless.  there are no posts on this design so that the modest muslim woman can put up curtains. 

they solved the topless problem, with this follow-up design: // 

but they thought there's no way they can convince the public that a bicycle has 4 wheels.  3 wheels maybe but not 4.

voila, there you have it.  the design that you've shocased in your blog.  it met all their requirements.  now, they have to find a grown woman to ride it, sanction islamic bicycle races, and petition the olympics committe to enter it as a new sport.

p.s. i think the mullahs are listening too much to freddie mercury.  this queen's album cover may have been the genesis for all this hoopla: //

Maryam Hojjat

MPD: Your writing is hilarious

by Maryam Hojjat on

Welacome back. Thanks for lough.


Islamic Tricycle & Vacuum Cleaner!

by Faramarz on

How about a combination tricycle and vacuum cleaner that can be used around the house too? Like this one.


Thanks MPD.

Esfand Aashena

The back wheel can be one big flat wheel with big tires!

by Esfand Aashena on

Like those chopper bikes with fat tires!  Or like those heavy construction machines that have big heavy wheels when they pave roads and use the heavy rollers to flatten the surface or asphalt. 

Everything is sacred


How do you know it's a tricycle? :)

by MeyBokhor_Manbarbesuzan on

All I see are two wheels. :)

Besides, it's a prototype. The budget for the third wheel will most probably be embezzled and no one will notice since it does not appear in the picture.


Esfand Aashena

It's not too bad, I wouldn't mind riding in one!

by Esfand Aashena on

It looks like a Qajar bike, or trike!  Although, I think it's a novelty and you can't ride it every day, you'll get sick of it!  Once or twice maybe!

Everything is sacred

Azarin Sadegh

And I need to stop clicking too hard

by Azarin Sadegh on

.... :-)   

Azarin Sadegh

Welcome back!

by Azarin Sadegh on

Dear MPD, I especially like this particular "you" of your multiple personalities. This one is really funny and doesn’t take life too seriously. He even seems calm facing disaster or cruelty or injustice.  

Reading your blog, I stopped at the mention of the man in the well and remembered the book I am reading: Murakami's The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. (You can skip the next paragraph if you are not in the mood for my usual ranting and awes about books!)

In the story the protagonist hides at the bottom of a well to think. There is another character who has been thrown into another well by the enemies during the war...He survives the ordeal but the reader is never sure. And now you are talking about this messiah who is supposed to appear alive after spending thousands and thousands of years in a well. Maybe I need to finish the book first before jumping to any conclusion. Maybe I need to stop obsessing over books I'm reading or to see so many similarities everywhere. But the protagonist in Murakami’s novel is so different from Mehdi. He goes into the well for a few days and then comes out and nobody cares about this absence. He remains the same person except maybe for the blue mark on his face. If Mehdi appears with a blue mark on his face, then I have to start having faith in Murakami…:-)

Sorry for the interruption and for not making too much sense! I'm going to keep reading your blog. Hopefully by the end, my mind would be off Murakami and instead I can think about the necessity of adding a wheel to women’s bicycle.