Yaadeh Bachegia Be Kheyr


by TheMrs

Last night, I remembered a very bizarre episode from my childhood.[see part II]

I can’t be sure, but I think I was about 12 years old when my parents decided that Tehran was too dangerous and we temporarily moved to a smaller city until the constant barrage of missile attacks on Tehran would end.

I was very happy about this because most of my friends had done the same or had left the country all together. Besides, anyone who was a child at that time will tell you that even though we were living in stressful times, it was a lot of fun. School was out mid year and we were going on vacation. It was especially cool since we left Tehran with lots of cousins. Our caravan of cars slipped out of the city at midnight.

Once we arrived at our destination, all the kids went wild. There was a big baagh. We could pretty much do whatever we wanted. For the first time in months, our parents were some what relaxed and we were free.

One day, as I was playing soccer, indoors, with 2 of my boy cousins, a distant family member decided to join. I’m guessing he was probably in his mid to late 20s at the time. I’d never met him before because he didn’t live in Tehran.

Why not? The more the merrier. We let him join the game.

It didn’t take long for soccer to turn into a one on one fight. He was taking it way to seriously and as his opponent I was getting attacked constantly. These attacks were peculiar because they resulted in me falling flat on the ground desperately trying to catch the ball, and with him (mardeh gondeh) on top of me.

The first couple of times I didn’t even notice it. We were having a good time. On the third try, he slipped his hand in my shirt. Oh Shit. I let him catch the ball and I was kind of shocked. Did what just happened really happen?

A few minutes later and on some false pretense, he got me to sit on his lap and he attempted to feel me up again. I was in an awkward situation because my 2 cousins were in the room and totally lost in their own game. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to sit there or get up and leave. Staying would be uncomfortable and leaving would mean I’d have to join some other game or the adults. For both options, I ran the risk of having to give some kind of explanation about where my other cousins where and how come I didn’t want to stay with them anymore. Worse yet, what if he picked one of them to play with?

It didn’t take long for me to get bored and disgusted. I was old enough to know it wasn’t kosher. It was quite embarrassing because at 11 or 12, you’re not a little kid who sits on anyone’s lap. I left the room. Screw the other cousins, be man che.

Later that night, a bunch of us were playing in the living room and the guy decided to join the game again. Only this time, the adults were scattered around and hanging out after dinner, and our kiddie soccer game had a lot more players.

As soon as he joined, I got a sick feeling in my stomach and moved next to my brother. He came and stood right next to me. I thought to myself: “martike az roo nemire”.

We started playing and I managed to avoid him. Next thing you know, there was a black out and the lights went out. It was pitch black. He came right behind me.

I had 2 choices, wait to see what he would do, or strike back.

I couldn’t go anywhere and my parents were scrambling for candles. I did the only thing I could get away with. I said in a rather loud voice: dast bezani, ye chaki mizanam ke mesle elaamieh bechasbi be divar.

The room went silent and no one said a word. I was lucky because there were a lot of relatives there and not everyone could easily guess who had said what to whom. The lights came out and the guy was no where close to me.

I’m not sure what happened that night but I guess the adults were probably excited with a possibility of very naughty gossip.

I have no hard feelings toward this guy and I’m sure he’s a decent person who was probably very starved. I wonder how he remembers the incidents.
[see part II]


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by IntelligentReader (not verified) on

We get it very well, ThePope. Becase we are intelligent enough to know it's "chose", not "choosed". lol.

Azadeh Azmoudeh


by Azadeh Azmoudeh on

Thanks for sharing your story. It takes a lot of guts to stand up and share things as such. I just want to tell you this: I appreciate your sense of forgiveness, however, calling him a decent guy is too much even for me. A 20 something-year-old guy "starved" should know better than taking advantage of an innocent girl like you! So, think about it! I am not calling him monster either, but decent!!!!!



Raast-raasee yaadeh bachehgiat be kheyr...

by ThePope on

The Title is not confusing at all. Actually, it's a perfect title for HER blog and it makes totally sense. The author choosed the best possible title for HER article but you guys just don't get it! :)



Yade bachegya bekheyr or yadeh bachegya be kheyr?

by Anonypishi (not verified) on

Maybe theMrs tends to say bee kheyr like without kheyr. Otherwise the title doesn’t match the article at all. As everybody else said, it's very confusing.

Azarin Sadegh

Disjunction between the promise and the actual content

by Azarin Sadegh on


I wouldn't criticize the content of this personal essay, since by definition a personal essay is always about the memory of the author, and not the memory of its readers. So I agree with theMrs. when she defends her essay by saying it is her story/memory and not ours, and so she has the right to feel whatever she feels or remembers. 

But, I think the only problem in this blog is the disjunction between its title and the actual content of the blog."Yaadeh Bachegia Be kheyr" gives its reader the promise of something sweet and innocent like childhood memories, especially that it is stressed out with "Awww childhood is so sweet" ...I think the negative comments we see here is due to the feeling of betrayal the reader feels at the end of the piece. As after all, the main conflict in this essay is the conflict between a child and a pedophile...even if there's a happy ending to this story, still it cannot be considered like the representative of this child’s sweet childhood.

To be honest, I don’t find anything wrong with this disjunction, and it is the author’s absolute right to shock and to provoke, but it is also the reader’s freedom to take it lightly or not!



You're right Iva

by Homayoon on

The blogger and Souri who agrees with her are khaharane Zeinab. They repeat what Seda O Sima of the IRI has injected into their little brains.

They think it's ok for men to molest children because like Souri says "It's hard to control the sex drive and desire for a young man 20's, under the horrible restriction".

TheMrs (NazaninCanadai) calls her molester "a decent man" because she thinks it was natural for her to be molested. She calls her experience "Yaadeh bachegia be kheyr". Does she know what Be Kheyr mean? She's happy about her experience. I think that's very very sick. 

I was a basiji in Iran and touched any girl or boy I saw in masjeds. The difference is that I now sort of know it's bad to molest kids, but chicks like TheMrs and Souri insist that this is not a big deal. Their words are very violent. I hope Iranian kids don't read what they have to say.

Homajoon from a jail in Orlando


To: The Pope

by Anonypishi (not verified) on

LOL; your comment was hilarious. I had totally forgotten the zarbolmasal kerm az khodeh derakht boud. Farsi shekar ast, as Majid would say.



by Iva (not verified) on

I am not sure if I understand why the writer is upset from reaction of some of the readers when they showed their disgust of violators and disagree with the writer who thinks that particular violator is "decent" man. I reckon Seda & Sima of IRI teachings were not so useless after all!!!!



by Saba Wind (not verified) on

A most revealing post.So much is making a lot more sense now.

And it looks like except for Souri and Kaveh, too many of us are "getting ahead of our very small selves" here.

I wonder if Thursday night blogs get deleted, too, just like all Friday night blogs by TheMrs do.


I hate to break it to you

by TheMrs on

I hate to break it to you folks. But here are the facts. This was my blog, about my experience and my feelings. Not abot rape victims or child molestation. And this isn't a support group or a forum for social change.

I didn't make light of child molestation and didn't say I supported anyone's natural urges. Be man che aslan? Doesn't everyone have at least one funcitonal hand?

What people like Homayoon and Disgusted don't get is ... their own violent words.

Peace Out




What's your problem? Don't be angry! Relax! Get a life!

by Homayoon on

I love the way TheMrs and Souri talk to Shirin and Derakhshandeh. I love it when chicks fight over my sex drive and my right to touch any one of them with or without their consent.  I agree that Shirin and Derakhshandeh should relax and get a life, 'cause I am the real victim here. I'm the one with trauma, called names and put in the Big House. As long as I have supporters like TheMrs and Souri I feel powerful and keep doing what is my natural urge.

I have two other buddies:  ThePope who says "Are you 100% sure
kerm az derakht nabood ?!!" and RedWine:"Then you are a bacheh tehroun, isn't it :D ?" I mean with these guys and gals who think girls are the problem or should submit to boys without a word, I don't feel lonely in my cell. 

Power to TheMrs and Souri who have absolutely no empathy with Shirin and Derakhshandeh. Hehe hehe.




Yeah, child molesters are victims, lol! pathetic

by Disgusted (not verified) on

Listen to what Souri says:

"Those men are somehow the " victims", themleve. It's hard to control the sex drive and desire for a young man 20's, under the horrible restriction which affect their normal human behaviour."

Yeah, it's NOT hard for a young WOMAN of 20's to control herself under horrible restriction because Souri knows that women have no sex drive. lol

People: this is about aggression, violation of other people's rights. It's not about sex. Wake up people. EVOLVE! Don't stay backward like Nazi or Souri. EVOLVE!


Thanks TheMrs and Souri for supporting starving men

by Homayoon in jail (not verified) on

I'm doing time in Orlando. They call me convicted child molester. Not fair. Like TheMrs and Souri say I was starved and couldn't help myself. Chicks don't get sexually starved, only dudes have sex hormones and get aroused and must discharge themselves. Chicks are around to satisfy decent guys like me. Listen to these two cool and clever chicks.

Like they say it's not a big deal, it's normal to touch kids when you're starved and have no money to pay for young Ho's. I'm still starved. When I get out, I'm gonna go into little girls pants like I did when I was in Iran. Next time when the judge wants to sentence me, I'm gonna quote TheMrs and Souri who understand decent men so much. I've been touching every boy and girl I saw in the park or masjed when I was in Iran. These westerns are too much on the side of chicks and kids.

Thanks TheMrs and Souri for supporing starving men.



Kaveh Nouraee

Shireen, Derakhshandeh

by Kaveh Nouraee on

Unlike you I'm not being judgmental about what TheMrs went through. Unlike you, I'm not invalidating what she experienced. I'm not analyzing her either. What I mentioned does occur, and if you have an issue with the fact that I brought it up, ....oh well.

Shocked and disappointed? Where do you get the right to be shocked and disappointed? Are you suggesting that TheMrs doesn't have the right to feel the way she does? Are you so special that you are entitled to some sort of dispensation to invalidate her feelings?

Wow, lady, you are really full of yourself.

Derakhshandeh if you knew my opinion on cherry jam, you would know I like cherry preserves. Organic, of course. Worth the extra cost. Jam has high fructose corn syrup. Blecch.

Yes, I have an opinion. So what? If you don't like it, well, I guess that's my opinion, and your problem.

If it makes you feel better to take a condescending tone, then be my guest, the door is wide open. Your sarcasm preceded your comments about my having many fields of expertise and many talents. You were probably too preoccupied with passing unqualified judgment that it probably didn't occur to you that I enjoy reading on a variety of subjects. I never claimed to be an expert.

(Although I never read about cherry jam or preserves. That's from trial and error).

So, if taking a shot at me will bring a smile to your face, then have at it. It's not my idea of a hobby, but to each his or her own.

I'll sit back and watch while you run down your list of judgments.


Shireen : You look mostly frustrated and angry !

by Souri on

You said you are disappointed, but mostly you look frustrated and angry.

Violation of all kind is to be condemned. Verbal violation like you do to TheMrs, is the same act as that indecent man did to her when she was young. What's your problem ?

To feed you curiosity : I don't know TheMrs personally. I said I know her personality, and that's through what I read from her in this site.

Satisfied ?



by ThePope on

Are you 100% sure
kerm az derakht nabood ?!! :)


Shirin, Now you're

by TheMrs on


Now you're getting way ahead of your very small self.

- I have no personal relationship with souri, not that it's any of your business or would have any bearing on my story.

- I never commented on what I did or did not report to my parents and what their reaction or actions were. What is your problem? And whether they are or are not educated is none of your business.

Kheily nafahmi. One would expect someone in your situation to leave blame and shame aside and not be judgemental. Thank goodness I wasn't traumatized like you.

Get a life, seriously.



امیر کبیر میکوشد برای دفع آبله مرغی، طاعون و شیعه اثنی عشری (not verified)

فرهنگی که دختران 9 ساله از چنگال گرگهای سی چهل ساله در امان نیستند به بهانه آنکه سن بلوغ دختران 9 سالگی است تنها راه نجات اطفال، تعلیمات اجتمائی در خانه و مدارس است و آشکارا آموختن کودکان و بیداری آنها (در حد امکان در یک کشور اسلامی)که چگونه مواظب آن گرگها باشند.

مطلب دیگری که ارتباطی با این بحث ندارد ولی ذکر آن ضرری ندارد آنستکه چند روز پیش از رادیو شنیدم که درظروف ملامین و پلاستیک مقدار زیادی از ماده شیمیائی "ملامین" وجود دارد که بتدریج وارد غذا شده و به بدن وارد میگردد. علاوه بر ایجاد چندین بیماری کبدی، یکی از عواقب مصرف ملامین زود بالغ شدن دختران است. و بیماری دیگر که ملامین در شروع آن نقش مهمی دارد "آتیزم" میباشد. ظروف ملامین و پلاستیک را به دور بیاندازید .



by Shireen (not verified) on

Does your personal acquaintance with Nazi extend to her family, too? To her educated parents? This happened under their very noses and they went on to gossip and laugh about it later, the story goes.Hard to believe, and my disappointment mounts.

American Wife


by American Wife on

Say what?  You know better than that! 

I hope Old Abe will forgive me for the variation but:

"You can satisfy some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not satisfy all of the people all of the time."



To sweet and shiny

by TheMrs on

Delbandaanam. next time, I'll write something more victimish. It might satisfy your need for lumping everyone in one basket and expecting reactions and trauma you see on Without a Trace or CNN.

Meanwhile, I suggest you both relax.


Red Wine


by Red Wine on

Thanks for sharing your memory. Then you are a bacheh tehroun,isn't it :D ?



by Souri on

Thanks for sharing your memory.

I believe every word you said (as much as you remember the details of course) because knowing your personality, I can imagine you were a brave and smart girl even at 12.

But I think that he was (at least) an indecent man, maybe more than this, but you can't say it for sure as you didn't know the man really, neither do us !

One thing that surprise me all the time is the fact that, people make the accusation and judgement about those kind of person who were doing these acts in IRAN and in some WHILE AGO...without considering the restriction that our culture and religion bring to the people there.

Those men are somehow the " victims", themleve. It's hard to control the sex drive and desire for a young man 20's, under the horrible restriction which affect their normal human behaviour.

We seem to look at those guys in the same way we look at a pedophile today and in the West. What I can say is like you :

" I'm not convinced that just because he tried to get a feel, it puts him in the same category as monster "


Shirin I think TheMrs may be

by Derakhshandeh (not verified) on

Shirin I think TheMrs may be confusing a starved teenage guy, maybe a few years older than herself, with a 21 year old man.

If he was a young cousin I'd have agreed with TheMrs but since he is 21 I'd have to agree with you.

Although I must say that he may not have done it as a pedophile way that pedophiles do it with premeditation and this may be the reason TheMrs is forgiving and the whole incident didn't go too far anyway.

As for Mr. Nouraee you are right, his psychobabel is always around and he has an opinion on everything from cherry jam to United Nations!

American Wife

you're all right AND wrong

by American Wife on

First of all... it's a shitty thing to have happened, period.  I have personal experience with something similar.  I agree with theMrs in part by not jumping into the pedophile bandwagon.  It was improper... it was sexist... but I'm not sure it's more than that.  He was a 20 year old horny guy... maybe theMrs was a hot 12 year old.  He figured he could cop a cheap feel.  I am NOT CONDONING it.  Not for a minute.  Yeah, I've seen the guy in my experience since then.  Only once as an adult and yeah, it gave me a creepy feeling.  But I never made any accusations... I think I told my brother though.  And if you develope a normal sex life afterwwards and continue to enjoy a healthy sex life, why should it have be traumatic.

I'm not sure I'd want to address it with him but you do what you gotta do.  Good luck and I hope it doesn't backfire. 


mr. nouraee

by Shireen (not verified) on

Thank you for your psychoanalysis of Nazi and myself. You are truly a man of many talents and fields of expertise. You did manage to portray Nazi as someone who continues to suffer from an untreated trauma, hence her misplaced goodwill toward her predator, but I doubt she would agree with you that she is suffering from anything.

I am disappointed because a perfectly good chance to talk about a taboo was turned into exonerating and romanticizing the predator. Nazi's generous stance toward that man gives the notion that in retrospect, she doesn't mind helping out a starved young man. That is shocking and disappointing to me.


Shirin This isn't your

by TheMrs on


This isn't your story. It's mine. And what can I tell you, I don't have any hard feelings toward the guy. It never became the central focus of my life. I rarely remember it. I wasn't happy but not traumatized either. Your experience may have been different.

The story is true. I didn't want to get into it but at that time, when the lights would go out, other kids would make fart noises and after ward, hich kasi be roo khodesh nemiavord. Saying things in the dark was common place. So being brave and saying something you normally wouldn't was no biggie. And I was a very zaboon deraaz and poroo child.

I should add that even though we expected lights to go out in Tehran, in our temporary city of residence, black outs weren't common. So the adults were litereally falling over things trying to find candles. It was very busy. I blurted something out and it did the job.

I wondered how he remembers it because I'm curious. You don't have to be.

I said he's a decent person because I'm not convinced that just because he tried to get a feel, it puts him in the same category as monster. I can tell you that next time I go to Iran, I will arrange to see him. I will bring it up.


Kaveh Nouraee

Thanks for sharing

by Kaveh Nouraee on

It can't be easy to share an experience like this in such a public forum. It takes a lot of guts.

Mash, you're right. He's a pedophile. Unsuccessful in this instance, but still a pedophile.

Shireen, you shouldn't be disappointed. With all due respect, it's honestly not your place to be disappointed. Despite your own experiences, you really cannot put yourself in the shoes of TheMrs at that moment in time. This is how she remembers it.

There have been many instances where people who have been molested adopted a measure of sympathy towards the molester. Usually it's a subconscious defense mechanism designed to assuage feelings of guilt the victim may have. It's still such a taboo subject that no one wants to deal with. Many victims often end up feeling like they are at least partially to blame for what happened.

Rather than being disapointed, be supportive, as I'm sure you would want support from your experience. 


a childhood memory?

by Shireen (not verified) on

I was improperly touched and intimidated by older men when I was a young girl, so I know the feelings you described. Your story's ending sounds far fetched. A 12 year old girl does not have a voice which could be easily mistaken for just anybody else's, worthy of "very naughty gossip" by adults later. When a 12 year old girl shouts something THAT serious, people take notice, even in Iran.

And where did you learn to say something like that to a sexual molester? I mean that is not just gutsy and clever for a 12 year old, it is a bit surreal.

Last, Nazi Khanum, you were 12 then and in Iran. You are an adult and living in the west now. By now you probably know a whole lot more about child abuse, sexual molestation, and Pedophilia. What EVER makes you say the following?

"I have no hard feelings toward this guy and I’m sure he’s a decent person who was probably very starved."

Trust me, Aziz Jan, people who were sexually molested as a child have no such generous thoughts or ideas about their predators.

And why in the world would you wonder how he remembers the incidents? Even if he were questioned by others on the scene right then about what had just happened, he would not remember them the way you did! That's the nature of the beast.

I am disappointed.


A pedophile

by Mash_Ghasem (not verified) on

Thanks for the story. But I do not agree that the guy was/is a decent person. He is a typical pedophile. No matter how "starved" one is, a man does not go try to molest a child. No excuses.