I’m not in the habit of giving the Islamic Republic advice. But for the sake of its bereaved supporters who find themselves on the receiving end of much of humanity’s scorn, I felt like I should offer that prehistoric system a few words of advice. So, here we go:
1) If you don’t want a movie about you taking diplomats hostage, then don’t take diplomats hostage;
2) If you don’t want criticism of you for executing political prisoners and hanging people from construction cranes after kangaroo trials in kangaroo courts, then stop executing political prisoners and stop hanging people from construction cranes;
3) If you don’t want people to make movies about you torturing and jailing political prisoners, then don’t jail and torture political prisoners;
4) If you don’t want people to call you a bunch of messianic warmongers, then stop acting as a bunch of messianic warmongers by calling for destruction of other countries, calling your military exercises “towards Jerusalem” and funding and arming militant groups who want to destroy other countries;
5) If you don’t want to be called a terrorist supporting state, then stop supporting terrorist groups by arming and funding them;
6) If you don’t want to be called human rights violators, then stop violating human rights and stop supporting those who commit human rights violations and atrocities, such as Bashir of Sudan (responsible for mass murder, torture, rape and displacement of millions of Muslims in Darfur), Russia (responsible for death, torture and oppression of millions of Muslims in Chechnya), and China (responsible for oppression of millions of Uyghur Muslims);
7) If you don’t want to be called as an oppressor of women, then stop oppressing women by forcing them into a compulsory dress code, depriving them of equal education and employment, passing draconian family laws against them and denying them passport and exit permits without consent of a male “guardian”;
8) If you don’t want to be called anti-Semitic, then stop your sick obsession with Jews, stop denying the Holocaust, and stop blaming the world’s problem for the past 400 years on the “Zionists,” (wink, wink) when the Zionist movement began less than a 150 years ago (we all know what you’re talking about).
9) If you don’t want be called the worst place on the planet for journalists and journalistic freedoms, then stop shutting down newspapers, jailing journalists and otherwise oppressing free thought and freedom of expression.
I hope that these few pointers will guide the great Islamic Republic to the path of the righteousness.
Your humble righteous atheist.