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Houshang Amirahmadi: Iran's Ron Paul (only crazier)

 
Excuse me.
 
Dr. Houshang Amirahmadi.
 
The latest in crazy ideas, the good Dr. now intends to run for President of Iran. For real. Last time in 2005, according to his own admission, it was more or less not that serious.
 
This time however, as he claims, things will be different. This time he is much more serious about the sheer impossibility of his attempt. This time, he will even spend money. 
 
According to his campaign site he is completely self-qualified to be the next President of Iran.
 
If this sounds remotely delusional, welcome to the American Iranian Council (Yes Council!) the one man operation foundation that Amirahmadi constructed in his own image, in order to host some of the most gullibly unqualified American politicians on the planet, to once again, "discuss" the funniest of all political topics, namely US-Iran relations.
 
Amirahmadi seriously (and hilariously) thinks that he honestly meets the ultra-vague candidacy requirements, which are entirely subject to the whim and fancy and worse, interpretation of the carefully chosen religious elders who carefully run Iran's election to perfection, according to the whim, fancy and worse, interpretation of Khamenei, the self appointed Supreme Leader of Iran.
 
To know a little bit about Iran's Presidential election, is to know you should never ever vote in one. For ever doing so would be the height of irresponsibilty and unintelligent insanity. The game is most certainly rigged. The play being the play on the average patriotism of Iranians both domestic and abroad, who like their American counterparts don't completely understand how their election actually works. Amirahmadi leading the charge right straight off the cliff into the pointless abyss, that very completely completes the useless endeavor known as the "modern" Iranian electoral process.
 
Just a few of the many reasons why an Iranian election isn't one;
 
The Ministry of Interior counts the votes.
The Ministry of Interior runs the Secret Police
Khamenei chooses the FINAL 2 candidates on the ballot
The President of Iran has no Presidential powers or any important authority.
The Mayor of Esfahan has more power than the president of Iran* 
The key element in the candidacy and candidate selection process is the complete vagueness of the interpretation of your qualifications. And why Amirahmadi has less than a snowball's chance in lake Oroumieh in July, of having his application accepted.
 
For your application to be accepted, you must be Pieous. The most accepted definition of piety is to be devoutly religious. In Islam that means proof of the the daily set of Yoga exercises redefined as Prayer.
 
How do you prove that you pray enough? Or hard enough?
 
But let's say that Amirahmadi could prove that, from his perch in New Jersey. It is doubtful he would ever pass the other even more vague test.
 
"...convinced belief in the fundamental principles of the Islamic Republic of Iran and the official religion of the country.”
 
In a recent interview, he fails this most critical of tests of loyalty beautifully, by explaining Iran's current situation, and that he believes that Khamenei desperately wants his help.
 
While this and Amirahmadi's Savior Complex may all be true, calling the Supreme Leader less than perfect, is considered an insult which is technically a felony in Iran, so...
 
While Amirahmadi might seem to be the sweet and out of touch old joke that he is, he is by far more than over-qualified to be the next useless and powerless President of Iran. As useless and powerless Iranian Presidents go, I'll gladly take Amirahmadi.
 
Amirahmadi's best feature? According to his own words, he is a good "Bridge Maker". Not a "Bridge Builder" mind you, but a Bridge Maker. And I love that.
 
So Amirahmadi has convinced me. And he most certainly will have my vote. That I will be forced to cast into the ballot box minded by scowling faced "official Iranian government election attendants", at the American Mosque in Oakland California. For the first time I will put aside my staunch anti-election anti-pointless-vote position, and vote in my country's election.
 
I will vote for Amirahmadi. And I will grin and bear it.
 
Because the utter abject total lack of a realistic chance of winning aside, Amirahmadi  will most likely not be on the ballot. As usual. According to the plan. Not because he is not a good man.
 
Amirahmadi will be the best good protest candidate to write in. Even though there is no way to write in a protest candidate on an Iranian Presidential Ballot. I'll do it anyway. I'll make room. I will also leave a few more choice comments about "things".
 
Because the the thought of the sweet aggravation that the Ministry of Interior National Security Stooge Vote Counting Corps member will go through, having to count yet another vote that he cannot legitmately mark down anywhere on the 2 name chart he was given to falsify, will be priceless.
 
I can hear the "Ahhhhhh! Bazam keh barayeh Amirahmadieh..." now.
 
* The mayor of Esfahan is the only completely-free-elected political office in Iran.

Balatarin