The Messiah’s Cousin

Asghar, a messenger of Ezat, writing to elect exiles of the dispersion scattered abroad in Tehran, Los Angeles, London, Stockholm, and Berlin, Who were chosen and foreknown by my Lady and consecrated by the spirit to be obedient to Ezat (The Messiah's cousin) and to be sprinkled by her blood: May grace and peace be given you in increased abundance.

Praised be God the uncle of Ezat! For we have been born again to ever-living hope through our saviour. It has been put upon us to keep the following sacred truth, the birth and death of Ezat The Messiah's cousin. So it is that you should put in your hearts this testimony for all eternity.

The adoption of the holy niece

It was during the summer of the year of our Lord 1981 that after Tahmineh the daughter of Nadir the peddler became the wife of Dara the carpet fitter, that she was with child and they both dreamt of the kingdom of heaven. All this took place to fulfil what the Lord had promised an old God fearing man who on his last prayer asked for God's mercy upon his nation.

So it was that Tahmineh and Dara were carried upon the wings of an angel to the heavenly adoption agency. As God has given every man the free will it was so that their own hands upon their shoulders would carry the duty that was to be put upon them.

The reception Angel: “Do come in. Have a seat and please make yourself comfortable. Let me stamp your especial temporary heavenly visas first. If you could just stamp your fingerprints here and here.”

Tahmineh: “So this is the heavenly kingdom?”

The reception Angel: “I'm sorry about the mess. We are still waiting for Michael Angelo to finish God's bedroom so he hasn't had a chance to redecorate the reception area. Now let me explain why you are here. It has come to our attention that your country very badly needs a saviour and very frankly you have no suitable candidates amongst you, basically after the mess the political parties made it would take a miracle to win people's trust and bring about unity, so that is what you are going to get; a wonderful miracle, but more than anything God is not pleased with those chaps who are masquerading as his sign of existence! What a cheek we all said over here! As if everything else was not enough for the signs. He went out of his way to choose poetic symbols for those who look for signs, like the wind that brushes the grass, or a bird feeding its young, or a father holding the hand of his child and behold! These guys insist that the sign of God's existence has to be a couple of small minded old men in their eighties who have done nothing in their lives but lie in order to fill up the bank accounts that they will never use. They are giving God a very bad P.R. and God is really sensitive about that — well, for humanity's sake anyway. Do you see this red gauge? That is the pain factor in your country. When the pain and misery factor reaches two units we send a special envoy. Well, I'll be blessed! Look Doreen! I just tapped the blessed thing and it just popped to ten units. Silly me it must have been ten for a long time. It must have been stuck!”

Angel Doreen: “You better call the technician; we still have a thousand years warranty. Besides it takes about twenty-five years to get them down here. Remember the Rwanda gauge and how many calls I had to blessedly make?”

The reception Angel: “Well, sorry about that interruption! Let me see. You have no genetic disease, no history of mental illness, not that we would hold that against you, and no history of paedophiles in your family — except for your aunt who has died now!”

Dara: “So that's why she liked to play horsy!”

The reception Angel: “You are adequately poor. God likes the poor, you know. He only chooses poor trades-men; shepherds but you will nevertheless need sufficient funds in Tehran for the baby. You will be adequately blessed for your troubles of course.”

Tahmineh: “You do realise that we are Muslims?”

The reception Angel: “Yes, God does allow mixed religion adoptions, but you do not have to worry, your daughter will not bring a new religion. She is not a messenger so this will not go against your beliefs. I think we have enough religions as it is, don't you? So, if you just sign here and here!”

Dara: “So, why is she coming to Earth?”

The reception Angel: “She is a site manager and responsible for co-ordinating projects with remote locations and derelicts.”

Dara: “Please! We love our country. Do not call us derelict!”

The reception Angel: “The way things are going you will be honey!”

Tahmineh: “What exactly is she then? Is she human?”

The reception Angel: “She is an eternal light that comes amongst you out of Love. Some call her a muse some Bohadsovita etc. She is an immortal human who is the daughter of Adam and Eve out of the union of souls rather than flesh, the one that stayed in Heaven. A lot happened up here when the famous couple were kicked out of Eden, you know! A lot that you still don't know. That is why she calls God uncle unlike you humans who are God's sons and daughters.”

Tahmineh: “But we are Muslims. We do not think that God has any relatives or children.”

The reception Angel: “Technically speaking you are right because there is nothing that is separate from God, but we do like these terms of endearment so you humans are referred to as God's children.”

Dara: “So what are we signing?”

The reception Angel: “This is just a disclaimer that you will need not use your parental control to stop her from her holy duties. God is especially worried about Iranian parents who worry too much about their kids and stop them from being the independent thinkers that they were born to be. In fact that is half your trouble. You don't let your kids be free thinkers. They grow up and miss your parental role and as soon as you get someone who looks like a father figure, Caboom! There is mass hysteria in your society and everyone follows the leader without checking the chap's credentials! Then after years of misery we have to send you a miracle to sort out the mess. But enough social and child psychology for today. Please just sign! And as a bonus for your unselfish service, you get permanent residency of this lovely kingdom with all legal fees and social welfare prepaid. You will have a penthouse view on the seventh floor and God as your neighbour.”

Tahmineh: “Is there any shopping?”

The reception Angel: “This is heaven, honey. Of course there is shopping, but not for Dara he will be pleased to hear, unless he becomes naughty and ends up in hell which is not going to happen otherwise for him there will be plenty of shopping! So, Let's meet the golden girl! She is in the gym holding her aerobic class for the blessed ones. It is that beautiful tall blond with lovely blue eyes, over there.”

Ezat: “And, a one, two, three, four. Wings up. Wings up. Feel the joy. Feel the joy. No joy. No gain. You are in heaven so act like your heart is here! Halleluiah! I'm just changing the harp music to something more up beat. And left, stretch, right stretch and step. (The background music: 'Angels are doing it for themselves… Now there was time…').”

The reception Angel: “She is just finishing.”

Ezat (to her new parents): “Hallo, wie geht? Ich bin so gl'h, Ihr Gast zu sein.”

The reception Angel: “They are Iranians not German.”

Ezat (to angel): “But you told me they are Aryans!”

The reception Angel: “I said Iranian! I left you a text message.”

Ezat: “Hey Duds so what's up?”

The reception Angel (to Ezat): “No that would be for their rap generation, they are the next appointment, not this lot.”

Ezat (to her new parents): “Hello. How are you? I hope that the strain of the long trip has not been too much. I am so looking forward to be your daughter.”

The reception Angel: “We are short for time. Their visa is running out and they still haven't met Gabriel who will be looking after them on Earth.”

Ezat: “Must dash! See you later! I have to train harder to get my pulse down to zero. ”

Gabriel: “Oh did you call me? Oh hello you two. My goodness, have you grown since you were babies.”

The reception Angel: “Oops. Your visa has run out so you have to go back now. Bye! Adios or is it Khoda-Hafiz till next time?”

The birth

It was on the same night that the king priest dreamt of the child that would come and end his earthly kingdom of corruption, and after many consultations with the evil beardless priest arranged the death of the many a young. Boys and girls alike for he did not know their gender or their age or their location. Some with war, some with famine, some with the poison of drugs, some with slavery of the flesh, some with broken hearts and some with broken minds, and some with exile.”

Tahmineh: “If you listened to me you, you would have taken the car for service.”

Dara: “We can't afford the service.”

Tahmineh: “Well, I can't walk with this big belly, besides the shops are closed here, and I don't see any hotels around.”

Dara: “Let's hope that the car goes as far as this bus station. Gabriel! Gabriel! You are meant to help out remember!”

Gabriel: “Sorry I had my headphones on. I was listening to Peter Gabriel; guess whom he's got his name from?”

Dara: “I suppose next you'll be telling me that there is an angel called Pink Floyd.”

Gabriel: “Yes, but we don't discriminate against his colour!”

Tahmineh: “Well never mind all that. I think the holy child is just about to pop out so get some blessed blankets or get me to a hospital. Oaaach! It hurts.”

Gabriel: “Sorry Dearest. It is destined that you have the child here.”

Tahmineh: “You must be blessedly joking!”

And so, it was that my Lady was born in a bus station in Tehran's Nazee-Abad. And that night all angels rejoiced for the glory of God. For let it not be said that God would abandon the needy and those who hold the love and faith in their heart and like a light this guides them through times of darkness.

Dervish Golam prepares the way

In those days Dervish Golam would preach those who had eyes to see and ears for listening.

Dervish Golam: “Behold. The day of the harvest is here. Mother nature has turned its milk and honey to the rotten fruits of death. It is only the worthy who will drink from the sap of ever lasting happiness. Say ya hooo! (The calling of almighty by the Dervishes) and search your soul.”

Ezat: “Yahoo.”

Dervish Golam: “I said ya hooo!”

Ezat: “Believe me yahoo would be easier to search than the soul of a woman!”

Then Ezat came forth and she drank from the wine of God's ecstasy, and her soul was baptised with the fire of love for all sentient beings and in one instance she travelled the seven cities of Love. At that moment heaven was opened and a voice from heaven said: “This is my niece. I am well pleased. She has come to save this nation and her Muslims, Christians, Zoroastrians, Jews and Bahais, and even communists and any other minority groups who I have not mentioned alike.

The temptation of Ezat

Then Ezat was led by the spirit to the wilderness of Varamin to be tempted by the devil. After fasting for thirty days and thirty nights she was hungry. Then the devil came and said if you are the niece of God turn these broken slabs of concrete into Baklava.

Then Ezat said: “Woman does not live on sweets alone for there is nothing sweeter than the words of God to feed her soul.”

Then the devil took her to the holy city of Qom: “If you are the niece of God cast a fire and clean this city from all idol worshippers.”

Then Ezat said, “My Lord God should be the judge of the good and the wicked. He gives man the free will and he will be the judge, if there is anything left of these idol worshippers after the post fundamentalist courts that is. I am nothing but the servant of God's will.”

And the devil gave her a tour of the splendour of the palaces occupied by the wicked priests and showed her Hollywood star Bard Pit and bars of irresistible Belgian chocolate and a limitless credit card accepted at all major stores including Harrods, Gucci, Cartier and Bulgaria.”Just think about all the wonderful things you can buy in Dubai.”

And Ezat said to her, “Away from me Satan!”

Then the devil said, “Are you sure? These Belgian chocolates are so yummy and so low in Calories!”

And Ezat said to her for the second time, “Away from me Satan!”

Then the devil said, “Look who is over there. It's Bard Pit and he has just broken off with his woman. Go and get an autograph.”

And Ezat said to her, “I said away Satan! Read my lips 'Away!' or has the air pressure down under has done in your ears?”

Then the devil said, “Truly you are Eve's daughter but more stubborn than she was. At least she gave in at the end!”

And the devil left her and the angels came and attended her.

Ezat begins to preach

When Ezat heard that Dervish Golam has been charged for heresy and then killed by Government agents in his visit to the city of Kerman, she stood at the top of the street and said “Behold for the kingdom of heaven is near!” But she was completely ignored by the passers by.

The calling of the first disciples

As Ezat was passing by Tehran University in Amir-Abad she saw two students — Ziba and Gisoo. They were looking at their dreadful exam results and Ezat said: “Follow me and I will make you the examiners of Adams sons and daughters.”

At once they shook the bleached strands of hair that showed underneath their scarves, and left their books, their mobile phones and exam results and followed her. Then she passed by the garage and she called me, the servant of God, Asghar, and the incredible force of my spirit forced me to leave my wrench and I became her disciple, but I called my mum on the mobile to say goodbye first.

And Ezat said to me, “One couldn't travel very far in Tehran unless one knows a good mechanic. With your wrench of sincerity, you shall mend the broken hearts and pour the viscous fluid of faith within those hearts and put the frozen wheels of their minds back in motion again.”

Ezat turns water to wine

She turned water to wine but the crowd disappeared before being arrested by the passing Pasdar guards who would have arrested them for consuming alcohol.

Ezat heals the sick

Ezat saw that at a Doctor's reception a care taker was standing and was giving Aspirin to all those who were suffering, some with cancer, some with psychological trauma or nervous disease, and some with the poison in the water and their food. She opened the heavenly waters and it came pouring into filtered bottles and then said, “Behold the Waters of Tehran are polluted and the food is poisonous. Take these filtered bottled and drink this and eat not the flesh of animals for it is the unwanted waste not fit for human consumption and has been imported from the CJD and mad cow infected regions.”

So it was that she cured the sick.

The Blessings

Now when she saw the crowds, she went and stood by the doctor's reception and sat down. Her disciples came to her, and she began to teach them saying as it has been said before me, for the truth does not tarnish with time and the truth is the truth whatever sacred mouth it comes out of. And there is no copy right after fifty years of the publication.

And she said: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted those before you.”

The crow that became forty crows and invaded the house of the Roc (See-Morgh or thirty birds in Farsi)

There was once a red Robin who kept company with the crows. In the wilderness the crows would feed on the eyes or hearts of the dead or the sting of the scorpions. The Robin became dizzy and disillusioned in the heat and became filled with self-grandeur and lust for power and saw the wilderness as a beautiful kingdom that he could rule, and to fulfil his ambition he decided to overthrow the Roc the king of birds.

He took the crow to the other birds and said: “Brothers, you were born to be free, and not to suffer in wilderness and to be slaves for food. We feel your pain, let us show you the way. Look at this bird's black coat. It is black for he mourns for your suffering. Look at its red eyes. They are red for he has no sleep until he finds your salvation. Those legs that you see are stained in dry blood. His blood. It has poured out of his veins so as to find your way. That cry that you hear from his tongue, it is broken for it carries the heavy heart of our broken dreams for freedom. Truly, I say to you, would you find anyone more worthy to lead us towards the summit of our freedom from the tyranny of the Roc? We must set forth for the summit and take over the kingdom.”

So it was that they left for the Summit of Damavand and entered the cave where they thought the Roc lived. In the darkness of the cave, they sat and sat and waited for the Roc to come. Days and month past, and they sat and waited. The disillusioned red robin was one of the first to starve and die and out of seventy birds many others perished. Some became lost, some starved and some became prey of the vampire bats that lived in the caves. The more birds that died the more the crow flourished and it laid more eggs, for it fed on the flesh of the dead birds.

So it was that out of a lie, one crow flourished to be forty crows and out of the misery the seventy birds, only thirty birds survived. But the thirty who lived were patient, and now they had became wise. They spoke with kindness to the crows asking for relief from their lost guidance, but the crows raised their voices and used the echo of the caves to put fear in their hearts or used shadows to break their courage and scatter them.

The thirty birds together became united and transformed themselves to be the giant Roc (see-Morgh). They lifted the big rock that hid the light and revealed the crows for the miserable creature that they were. In their fear the forty crows escaped and perished in the dark of the cave where they became the new victims of the vampire bats, and the thirty birds merged and became the Roc the king of their kingdom.

What is the one thing that man desires? You have heard before “Eye for an Eye”, “Tooth for a Tooth”. What a blind nation and toothless nation that has made us? But I tell you, do not resist an evil person but remember him, not with vengeance but remember him for what he is. Also remember his father, his mother, sisters and brothers for sick trees flourish rotten fruits, so cure the sickness with healing hands of a Gardner and not with an axe. If there is one thing that man desires it is happiness. This happiness is dependent on the happiness of all. Man's desires take many guises, But it all comes down to one thing:

It is his disillusioned mind that loses track of his happiness and his path
for better things.
Some fill the emptiness with lust for gold.
Some with lust for lust.
Some seek their happiness in misery of others,
And some fill their egos and finally turn to dust.

Look at you and what you have become. It is the hate that you nurture that has broken your unity. Those who use the sword of tyranny shall one day ask for redemption. Do not turn them away, but do not mend their swords. They will one day come back to live amongst you. Nurture them with kindness, not hate. For hate will turn them into serpents living next to your bosoms.”

Ezat visits the house of a Pasdar guard

When Ezat was invited to the house of a Pasdar, her disciples feared for her safety and said how is it that our Lady enters the house of an agent of the regime. But Ezat turned to them and said: “Behold for there is no joy greater than finding the pig that has been lost.”

Ezat gave Pasdar Morteza her blessings and if it were not for the fact that Morteza had offered my Lady confiscated music tapes of Andy and videos of Fataneh and smuggled Johnny Walker whiskey that she had politely refused, Morteza would have become one of the disciples.

The casting of stones

A woman was to be punished by being stoned to death. Her husband had escaped and had married a new wife and after five years had returned to find her wife with another man. So the woman was to be punished for adultery.

My Lady Ezat with all courage stood between the woman and the crowd and said: “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her. But they stood there with all vulgarity and with all their might and they threw sharp rocks at my Lady and the woman. But with the will of God those stones turned into flowers and the throwers into rocks of salt and the woman went free. Then she looked at the sky and said: That was very close! And you thought dealing with the Pharisees was tough. Did you?”

The feeding of thousands

When My Lady Ezat visited the poor children of Tehran suburbs, all those who out of hunger were collecting plastic bottles and paper or those who out of misery had become addicts or had become prostitutes; she blessed them all and gave thanks for the daily pizza and she broke the pizza until there were dozens of baskets left. Some with anchovies, some were fruity-de-mares, and some with Pepperoni.

Then she said to the crowd: “If you love me then love these children. When the time comes, free your sisters and daughters who were sold as slaves of flesh. Bring them home and give them the respect they deserve. For they are not sinners but victims of your sins, and heal those sons who were wounded defending their land and now have been forgotten for they are the victims of your foolishness.

The rising of the dead writer

It was at Beheshte Zahra were a recently murdered writer who was killed by Government agents was put to rest. But Ezat through the grace of God, called upon the dead writer and out of his dead flesh thousands like him arose. Speaking in every tongue and revealing the truth about the evil kingdom of the priests in every page and on the Internet.

And she said, “Let it be known that for everyone of these torch bearers of the truth that you kill a hundred shall rise until your house of cards is burnt down.”

The prediction of her death

Ezat predicted that before the corrupt kingdom of wicked priests falls that she would be arrested and be killed at the hands of Government agents and it was up to the followers of her truth to follow the path to freedom. She predicted that like many she would be beaten with cables and then be hung from a crane and be declared a drug smuggler.

Then we asked her if the crane should become our symbol, and if in the picture we should draw it with a driver or without one. And she said: “Do not let an instrument of injustice become your symbol. The crane builds and the crane destroys and the crane kills all within the different hands. Let my symbol be 'U' for union of the hearts and for believing in you! And my followers shall have the symbol of 'Y' for all that enters their mind's eye they should think about, and it will be their duty to ask why?

The union of hearts

She gathered all those with different thoughts and said: “Is it that difficult for you to unite and free yourselves from slavery? Look at you. One is a communist, one is a Royalist, and the other is a capitalist. One is a separatist and the other kills his brother and gets plastic keys to the kingdom of Heaven! Do you all not want happiness? Do you all not want a better future for your children? Do you not want to be free? And do you have to put your brother into slavery to seek your own happiness? You call each other traitors and only see the tip of your nose when you look at world. You give each other labels and put the chains of slavery on your brother's hands if you have the power.”

Then the communist said: “But I do not believe in you!”

And she said, “Good. So believe in yourself, and believe in your freedom as it was intended for man to be free.”

Then the Hezbollah said: “Your words are nothing but blasphemy!”

Then she said, “If it takes blasphemy to bring your hearts together and bind it in union with the truth then I shall use that tongue!”

Then the agnostic said: “But it is out of religion that we have become slaves. We must separate religion from earthly rule.”

Then she said: “Break your chains and know this that God intends you to be free from all that take away the sovereignty of your mind, and if one comes amongst you and tells you otherwise then he speaks with the tongue of Satan and is a false prophet. Then one said: How can we trust you? Others came and cheated us. What makes you different?”

And she said: “Do not cheat yourself by not trusting the truth. God has blessed you with knowing right and wrong and deep down you know well that your salvation is in unity. You do not need my words. The wisdom of your hearts has always been within you like a pearl inside its mother's shell it shall show its beauty when the time comes.”

Visiting the mosque

When she visited the mosque she no longer could take the nonsense and lies that were uttered in God's name. She was arrested and put to death as she predicted. She pulled the turban from the Mullah's head and threw him off the platform. For the Mullah had killed the sacred for his pocket more times than the original evildoers.

And when she was arrested, some of us gathered in front of the United Nations and protested, and some called Amnesty International, and some went on hunger strike. And when she was hung by her neck from the crane, people stood and watched and we — her followers — mourned quietly in our hearts.

The dream

Three days later, I, Asghar, dreamt of her glory in Heaven and she said to her servant, “Remember Asghar, those who believe in the truth believe in unity and the free spirit of hearts. Spread my message like the seeds that grow within the moist earth and you shall soon become free from tyranny.”

And I saw her spirit ascend to the heavenly gym where she used to teach aerobics where one day we shall all unite. She said, “I have seen the future. Your nation shall be free. You just need to put the wheels in motion to make the present follow the path of that future. So, do not let my message of 'The union of Hearts' fade away. Khoda-Hafiz!”

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