Bluntly; in response to an Iranian female friend of mine, who the other night at length discussed her point of view on relationship, sexuality and intercourse without giving me a chance to breath I then promised to make my point clear by writing about it, even broadcasting it to a broad spectrum of audience perhaps to provoke a few “logical” feedbacks from our countrywomen. Ladies please put your emotions aside for a moment and read on.
Let me start with my lady friend’s point of view about American (Western) women tendency to experiment with sexuality without considering rules of ethics, without framework of understanding and love, without a mental or emotional connection with someone, starting at a very young age just to satisfy a skin deep curiosity or at best to discover her sexuality numerous times before an age of maturity. A mentality that most, if not all, Iranian girls had never even thought about during her adolescent years according to my lady friend who grew up in Iran.
The same Western woman had learned how to use sex as a mean of getting the attention of any guy particularly, the Iranian macho type much easier than well rounded, intellectual one. My lady friend seemed perplexed by how the Western woman goes out of her ways to satisfy her partner’s sexual desires in bed with all her body and heart, submissively allows to be dominated which seemed excessive even exuberant to my lady friend who adamantly defended her Middle Eastern mentality, and her code of conduct on sexuality.
My friend when asked; would not articulate a simple approach or technique to pursue the opposite sex in pursuit of desires, she referred to it in general term as “doing it” or “mekonan in Persian”, just the act of doing it constituted the intimate relationship in her norm. As the debate picked up she went on to generalize the Western woman of being whores, and prostitutes who mastered the skills of the oldest trade while manipulating it to their own advantages as need be. She lastly added if you (the Iranian men) get tired of a plump one, get a tiny oriental girl, they also like to be sex slaves, they know how to behave like one, it’s in their culture.
Well dear, to me being an average Iranian man who is not an expert in sexuality by any stretch of imagination nor tries to understand it from a woman’s perspective, it seemed quite outlandish, even cruel to witness a countrywoman dehumanizing sexuality in the context of religion or cultural confusion.
I think misunderstanding sexuality has nothing to do with religion, to begin with. It is true that religious restriction in Iranian society historically banned its parade and display at public arena to a great extent and what goes on inside remains a subject of another discussion. Yet the sexual dogma and its influence on Iranian psyche in general has nothing to do with the dominant religion, as Iranian of Jewish, Christian and Bahais background behave in the exact same manner, regardless of the religious upbringing. Long after marriage Iranian woman remains clueless of her role in a sexual context beside a child bearing function she endures.
I personally believe our cultural sensitivity toward sexuality has long deprived us all from understanding the basic elements of it not only back home but also in this society we live today. We all know Iran is a closed, to some degree a backward society in many ways, which still to this day does not permit open dialogue of sexual desire as a basic biological and psychological human need among opposite sex. This lack of open communication led us to pretend even believe sexual intercourse remains a procreation tool.
This phenomenon had been and always will be considered taboo in our society, regardless of where you live in the world, while it is often exaggerated among the same sex; in a group of young Iranian man bragging about their recent encounter or perhaps among married Iranian woman who may secretly discuss it, yet it has long being an unacceptable dialogue for the opposite sex to discuss it openly, as it may implies the subtle desire of engagement in the act, funny but it bring that impression.
Is abstention really a religious obligation, or a cultural misunderstanding that has long been engraved in our psyche as a virtue, we all love to get ride of yet don’t dare sharing it in public for being judged or labeled as perverts. What’s it then that prevent us from talking about it openly, honestly genuinely.
So why is it then that the Iranian women remain one of the least educated or even most ignorant about concept sexuality among all women in today’s society, or is it?
Is this what they (our own beloved Iranian women) would like us to believe so we think of them as virtuous, pure, untouched, or unopened, (borrowing the term from Christopher de Bellaigue). What’s wrong with being opened ladies, if it was your own desire to feeling it inside, let’s open the subject further for one last stroke, shall we gentlemen.
I believe (again) our Iranian women are and have always been as inclined toward an open sexual dialogue as Western women, even more engaged in than Iranian men for their sexual satisfaction had often been ignored, yet always behaved as arrogant as one can get about it so it may, just may give them the perception of being virtuous, pure, unadulterated, some thing we (Iranian men) the culprits have demanded from them all along. So why are they behave so ignorant in bed then, perhaps to play their role and imply that they are what we wanted them to be, yet it doesn’t change the fact that they remain the lousiest among all women in bed, so I said it. They behave naïve, unaware and lack desire, esteem, forthcoming just to please us deceitfully, fulfilling the misconception we provided them with, very ironic, isn’t it gentlemen.
I personally would rather be as open and honest as I can be about it and have the best time of my life while I am at it, doing it with zeal and awareness that it deserves without pretext, without insincerity, hypocrisy, without pretending any more, without false sense of virtues, religious dogma, just open honest decent appreciation of our needs and wants. Let’s openly, honestly and genuinely talk about what we already know we want, shall we…