Words describing shadows of smiles have already been written and spoken of, by others for others.
And so, I will not repeat those words.
I will not repeat any words written before, by others for others.
But I want to talk about the echo of your voice in my head.
I want to tell you something.
Last night when I was blowing the cigarette smoke out the window, while being hypnotized by the clear light of the full moon, your voice entered and echoed in my head over and over again. It started in my head and found its way into my limbs … into the core of my being. I still had your taste in my mouth … I still had your scent all over me. But it was not the words that my consumed my being … no … it was the sound of your whisper.
I knew I had heard that whisper before. It was so familiar. My legs grew weak and my heart almost stopped beating when I was trying to dive into the archive of my sound-memory to find that voice.
I browsed through centuries and crossed lands and oceans.
I have heard you before.
I have held you before.
I have loved you before
You are the lost love that I have found anew, by crossing oceans of time.
You are the love that I left … that day when I died … in your arms … on that day with the merciless sun burning my face … on that day, when my life force was running out of my being in the form of red hot liquid. You were sitting on the ground holding me with my arms stretched out, hanging by my sides in the air and like a bird with his broken and wobbling wigs, my arms would jerk every time I coughed up a little more of my red blood.
I still hear your cry … I still can feel your touch … I still can taste your tears pouring down on my sunburned face … wetting my lips.
I am going away … in my last few seconds … with my last breath, I promised you to come for you again.
And so I have fulfilled my promise.
I want you to know that I am here now and this time I will stay.
I want you to know that I have erased my past and personal history, not only in this life, but in all my past lives.
I want you to feel that all of you and anything from you is sacred for me.
I want you to know that you and I have re-found our home in each other.
I want you to feel – in my nakedness and vulnerability – that I am completely yours.
I want you to know … that I love you.
And so I dare!
I dare to want to stand naked in front of you.
I dare to want to take the cloak of my persona off, and stand there with my soul bare in front of you.
Anything that is associated with my current name and presence in this world, I want to take off.
I am not going to stand in front of you as an executive, or an artist …. no … I need to stand naked in front of you … naked.
Naked, so that you can touch the skin covering the muscles and bones of my chest, hiding my heart.
I want you to be able to touch my beating heart with your soft hands and receive the love that I have held for you across millenniums, and transmit it directly to you.
Naked so that you can touch my soul and caress it.
Naked, so that you can enter the circle of my chaos and find the essence of my being … and then be dissolved in it.
Naked so that you can forgive me for my stubbornness in the past, not listening to you and get into that war, being killed and leaving your side.
I want you to feel that it is me that you have been wishing for and yearning for all along … and that now you finally found me and I have found you.