Be terrified not to be marry and the rout of it in our girls Shahram was saying that after the death of his father who was an avocet and a colonel in the Iranian army, his sister was very depressed and she did not want to continue her study. She was studying medicine at the University of Tehran and I was trying to give her hope and encourage her to continue her study. It was very important for me to push her back to the university. The death of my young father has struck her very badly. One day one of my father’s friends who were an engineer invited us to the dinner at his house.
Some generals who were also friends of my sister were invited, too. We all were trying to bring my sister Elaheh back to the normal life. The depression was badly effected her. The engineer was about sixty years old and he was living with her sister who was also an old girl. May be about the same age. The engineer and the other friends of my father tried very hard to influence my sister Elaheh to change her mind and continue her study at the university. They spoke a lot with her and said a lot of example, that a girl who is a medical doctor has a much better chance to have a nice life. Without studying the life will be harder. Coming home the whole time, she was crying that the life of engineer and his sister will be an example of life in the future. We should live together for ever until we are old like engineer and his sister.
Who will marry me, a girl without father? I will remain a virgin girl for ever, an old maid. Our father was younger than those friends of his, but cancer does not care so much about the age. It chose even young people. My father was not even fifty years old, and his death had a very bad effect of my sister. I was also an engineer and I was working in a very huge company which was building bridge and huge building, we had commercial activities. I had a good salary, but it was not comparable with the income of my father, a famous avocet and a colonel in the army with a high and good position. My sister was six years younger than me. She was twenty and she had finished the first year of medical school after such an important entry exam, which called concur in Persian.
I think she wanted to work and trying to marry also as she was younger, may be with twenty one or two. She afraid is she continue to study medicine she will be close to thirty and the chance for marriage is less for her. But he friends of my father told her, that a girl with medical degree even if she is around thirty has more value as a girl with twenty two just with the high school diploma. To afraid so much about not to be married with around thirty especial after the death of our father was not very normal for us. May be the independence she had in the time my father was living would be not the same. With other words the income of the family was badly reduced. She would get just a half of the salary of a colonel of Iranian army and the huge income from the clients has been cut. My father loved her only daughter very much and what ever she wanted he purchased for her. Eleheh was going in a very good condition to the university, nice expensive clothes and beautiful shoes and bags.
Many of her friends were jealous about her and her father. She thought that she lost her father who was a famous colonel and avocet and she will lose her respect in the society. Her father could be soon also a general. And she afraid that nobody will ask for hands any more and she should stay with mom and me in the same house. I told her, listen Elaheh I will do the same thing that our father did for you. I will also not marry as long as you are not married. But that was exactly why she afraid from. An old maid living with her old brother. She laughed bitterly and told me, that is why I afraid of that you scarify also for me and we both are unmarried. Generally you should save money for yourself and you future life and wife and not spend your money for me. May be later I cannot compensate what you spend for me and may be I cannot help you; in the time that you need. You cannot stay always young also and you need to save your money for yourself.
I do not want to bother you and you spend your money for me. I said; it is fine, I help you so far that you get your doctorate degree than you can have a good income and you can pay me back some of the money I have spent for you. Many girls and boys want to study medicine, as the entry exam is so difficult, they cannot pass the exam. You passed the exam and study also one year; it is not wise to stop it now. She told me, listen I have to study six more years, and two three years also I have to practice and continue for to be specialist or to have my own practice. I am in the time over thirty years old. And old maid. My entire friend is married and they have their own house, children and husband and I am dependent of my brother. Who will marry an old maid, over thirty and many young men may be even afraid to marry an old maid with a doctorate title. An old maid without father, who’s her brother, pays part of her costs. Even in the time that I am studying with all these heavy materials that I have to learn, how can I marry and have a husband.
I have to learn and I have no time for him. I do not want that the study destroy my future life. It will studying of unlucky and study of disaster. Even she was not so satisfied and was not happy; she was some how agreeing to continue her study. In the summer our father died and as the university opens, she continued to study and I promised to help her. Elaheh had a nice beautiful face, but she was not tall, she was middle. I do not know, may be it was better for her to marry sooner and forget about studying. But I remembered the girls who said, as our father died; out brother encourage us to marry fast, so they have us very fast out of the father’s house, so they could marry soon. So they solved our problem by giving our hands to the first good man who wanted us and they get free. And we should clean the babies as we were young girls, instead of studying and know about the science and world we had to clean the house, cook and take care of the babies. We did not have any nice youth time. Just childhood and marring after that and have children and house hold. So if I told Elaheh OK go after the work and husband and let the studying away, she could say the same thing later to me.
You were six years older than me; you were like my father as I lost mine. You were my young father, why did not guide me properly that I get my MA Degree and be a good doctor and can support myself better and my family also. Suppose my husband dies like my father did, without any degree how could an old woman work? In both sides I could have be blamed any way. So if my father did not die, I could be a medical doctor. All is your fault. You were six years older than me and you should have been six years also wiser than me. You forced and encourage me to marry so soon. Now she think that an old girl with the doctor degree without father has less chance to be married as a young girl without degree and without father. Any way she agreed and continues her study. Sorrowfully after the revolution of Iran, the universities were closed for a while and she could not finish her studying. So she gets also like many other people her gift from the so called glorious Islamic revolution of Iran.
I got my gift, too; they sent me out of work as we were Bahais. After the so called glorious revolution of Iran, the science had less value and we went back few years in the old darkness. I think the religious people thought the academic people generally will not obey them as they have source of information and knowledge, so they tried that the people stay more ignorant, so they are easier to be controlled. I opened firs a company with some of my friends who have capital and knowledge. And we tried to survive, but for Eleheh was worse. She could not finish her studying. She was very upset and angry. She was now thirty years old and she was almost in the last year that the Imam decided to close the universities and change them to the Islamic culture. She wanted to go illegally out of Iran and wanted to try to continue her studying in other countries. She had right this time, she could not work and studying any more.
So I contacted the people who take Iranian families illegal to Pakistan and from there to Europe. I paid a lot of money to them and she went together with an Iranian family to Europe. Later she went to USA and continued her study. She was so afraid that she wanted to marry the first man who will ask for her hand. I sent her what ever I had and I thought if she gets successful she will help us, too. As the studying of English was more difficult than in Persian she should have tutors and private teacher to help her and all of them were more costly as in Iran. So the costs was very high and she always asked me to send her money, she live like a rich girl there and sorrowfully that richness attract play boys to her. They thought if they marry rich doctor girls, they have a nice insurance for their whole life. So one of these play boy planed and showed himself as rich and academic and started to send her nice expensive gift, and took her to expensive restaurant, with the money that he may got from credit cards or he won in a gambling . I did not have an experience and I sent a lot of money to her, in the hope that she will make a good plan and future for all of us. I was totally wrong with spending so much money she wanted; I did make her as a good victim for the play boy to have a trap for her. She spends the whole money for expensive shoes, bags and clothes. And she did not feel the value of the money I sent to her.
The money without work is very easy to spend. He was thirty years older than Elaheh, but he could manage to get her interest and she agrees to marry him. After two years she married and she finished also her doctorate. Soon she realized that he is not engineer, has no knowledge in anything at all and is working in a restaurant. He was sort of cleaver person, he married few wives before my sister and he managed to control also Elaheh. He took the poor girl after marriage to Las Vegas and tried to show USA to her. He cheated her completely and took later all her money. But as he was not a real person and wanted to spend my sister money, which I have sent to her, they come to trouble. So my sister has to divorce him after few years and got a job as a medical doctor and worked with her son alone, she managed a good life for herself. I hope at least that she is happy with our decisions.
