Not to be outdone by the Nobel Laureate Elie Wiesel’s full-page ad in the New York Times; Reverend Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have taken a full-page ad in the Chicago Tribune, calling for affirmative action for black minorities in Iran. It is stated in the ad that for centuries blacks in Iran have been discriminated against, laws specifically have been in place against Iranian blacks, which now repairs should be made to fix the damage. The ad continues to add that if affirmative action is not in place in Iran soon, Iranian blacks will not be able to find a job at all.
Meanwhile, Arnold Schwarzenegger, the Governor of California took out a full-page ad in the Sacramento Bee asking, telling, the government of Iran to start constructing fitness centers throughout Iran. In this ad he outlined a five-step program for achieving his goal of shaping up the Iranians. Most importantly he is asking for diversion of a large portion of nuclear development funds towards the private sport sector of the Iranian economy for construction and development of exercise facilities. The ad suggests making Hossein Rezazadeh the head of Alliance for Bodybuilding, Activities, and Stretching (ABBAS) organization.
Hugh Hefner, not to be outdone by these sex deprived self-promoting full-page ad advertisers, took a full-page ad of his own in the Playboy magazine, calling on the Iranian government to immediately legalize public nudity in the entire Iranian territory, specially in Qom and Mashhad, stating that once naked people were to be allowed to visit Iranian holy sites, all ills of society would be solved. The ad added that Iranian society suffers from sexual frustrations, too many gorgeous bodies are trapped under tents, the ad said, thereby forcing people to release their frustrations in harmful ways such as en masse demonstrations, instead of mass orgies.
Bill Clinton also took a full-page ad in the Washington Post yesterday and once again declared that he did not have sex with Monica Lewinsky, but continued to say that was beside the point, and the point he was trying to make was that the Iranian clerics in charge of Iran must allow their weak wives to participate in political processes, specifically women should be allowed to run for presidency, as his wife, Hillary Clinton, did in 2008, but he stressed that an Iranian woman most likely would have a better chance of becoming the president of Iran than his wife one day becoming the president of USA (he didn’t exactly say it like that, but that’s what he meant).
Meanwhile, George W. Bush (the dumber one) took out a full-page ad in the Texas Big Horn Daily and called upon the Iranian government to fully surrender to the American forces in Afghanistan and Iraq, or else as soon as his brother, Jeb, gets elected as the next president of USA he’d ask him to expand the war on terror to include the evil doers hiding in caves in Iran. The ad continued to say that he was the decider and he decided to finish off the Iranian regime when he was the president had it not been for the failures of Ronald Rumsfeld. There was also a quote from the big dick Dick Cheney that stated that George W. Bush was a good man, it was his advisors that ruined his reputation.
Not to be outdone, Vanna White took out a full-page ad in the Los Angeles Times stating that she would like for Iranian government to start a television game show called charkh’e servat where every weekday three governmental security agents would participate in the thirty-minute game show, where their luck and knowledge would be put to the test, but at the same time through careful selection of some word puzzles they’d be taught how to more humanely treat their fellow countrymen (women, children).
At the same time, not to be outdone…
