Dictionary.com defines parasite as “a person who receives support, advantage, or the like, from another or others without giving useful or proper return, as one who lives on the hospitality of others.” Sounds familiar? Well, to most of us non-Jew-o-phobe, non West-o-phobe members of the Iranian diaspora it’s pretty clear. But for some, ot so much. So, in order to assist you in determining whether or not you fit into this category of malcontents, I have devised a self assessment questionnaire that may come in handy. Ready? Let’s go:
A) Do you live in the West? If yes, then please answer the following:
1) Are you a citizen of, and/or do you carry a passport of the Western country where you reside:
2) Do you prefer to use that passport instead of your Iranian passport?
3) Do you have a comfortable job / profitable business in the West?
4) Do you, or have you ever, used the money that you have made in the West to buy property in Iran?
5) Did you take an oath of allegiance to the United States (if you reside in the U.S.) when you became a U.S. citizen?
6) Are you planning on claiming “conscientious objector” status if you’re called upon to serve the United States as you raised your right hand and swore to do in your citizenship application?
7) Do you consider yourself to only be loyal to one country, Iran, even though you hold a Western country’s citizenship?
8) Do you believe that the citizens of the Western countries in which you reside are all morons, and that you know more than them because you get your news from Counterpunch and PressTV?
9) Do you wish for IR’s influence to increase in the world and to defeat the interests of the Western country where you reside?
10) Did you jump up and down in joy and pass out candy on 9/11/2001?
11) Do you consider the men and women of the military forces of the Western country where you live to be bastards and murderers?
12) Do you wish for Taliban to win and rule Afghanistan once again?
13) Do you consider all Western nations to be tools of international “Zionism” who are out to get you, and every other person on Earth?
14) Do you believe that Iran has the best system of government, and that Western nations, including the U.S., commit “murder” when they kill people who have declared war on them overseas?
15) Do you consider Iran to be the most beautiful place on Earth with the best people on Earth—despite the fact that you have chosen to leave it and live in a Western country?
16) If you’re pilot in the West, do you, at times, get the urge to slam your plane into buildings?
Please note that if you meet the condition in section “A” and one of the conditions in numbers 1-16, you are a parasite. You contribute nothing to the community where you reside. In fact, you secretly do everything you can to undermine that community and to cause it to fail—just so that you can prove your superiority to the white man whom you begged to let you into his country.
While there is unfortunately no surgical way to remove you parasites, I do suggest for you to have some dignity and self respect, and to stop living in a community for which you are just soooooo superior. It’s a waste of your talents. Plus, your country of Iran needs you. How could they have possibly gotten by in the absence of your obvious genius is quite puzzling. But, it’s still not too late. You can still help them in “punching the imperialists in the mouth” as your fuehrer always says. So, pack up your jol va palas and head for the nearest airport, and book your ass on the first trip to “Imam Khomeini” airport. Who knows, six months from now, you may be stranded in the evil West if this begins, and you won’t be able to go back and fight against the country whose passport you carry. Then what are you going to do?
