Dear Iran,
It’s time to say goodbye to the “Middle East” prison where you have been incarcerated for the past 50 years, and go back to your rightful home. Asia. West Asia to be more specific. So get your stuff ready, feel free to ask a few neighbors to come with you, but you are breaking out of this compound and saying sayonara with or without them.
“Middle East” is just a euphemism for hot mess, and those who enter are not allowed to leave unless they fight their way out. But Iran, you are going to have decide quickly on a plan of escape. You may be about to become the “Middle East’s” first escapee. This new Iran nuclear deal is the perfect cover to make your escape.
After so many years in the “Middle East” prison you may may have forgotten what home feels like. The days of being degraded, talked down to and spat may be behind you but you have to take this chance to leave the ME. So take it!
This “Middle East” prison has been getting new arrivals at an alarming rate. New countries are being rounded up regularly from their proper geography and relocated to the “Middle East” prison by western media and governments. Countries such as Sudan, Somalia, Chad and Algeria, Libya are being put on the boat to the “Middle East” prison as this very moment. Further East, attempts are being made to kidnap Kazakhstan and Tajikistan from their homes in Central Asia and relocate to the “Middle East.” Turkey is a recent arrival there, and she is currently being shown the facilities. It may not be too late to take Turkey with you. But be ready to go alone if you have to. You just can’t stay to give others moral support.
Upon your possible escape you will need to let the world know that you have a new address. Attempts will be made to recapture you, and send you back in the “Middle East” by bitter former cellmates and the media. Don’t let them. Have a press conference and announced that you were unjustly snatched from your home in West Asia, and taken against your will to the “Middle East” prison, and you will not go back.
Let the world know that all correspondence addressed to Iran in “Middle East” will be ignored. All future correspondence MUST be addressed to Iran in West Asia, or not sent at all.
In Asia, waiting for you, will be neighbors that send missions to Mars, make electronic gadgets, supercomputers, are doing cutting edge research in biotech science and technology. That’s where you want to be. Asia of course is not conflict free, war free, or without issues and but in Asia you will not singularly be defined by oil, turmoil, war and human rights violations.
Ultimately, West Asia will provide you with opportunities that will NEVER be made available to you in the “Middle East.” Some of the perks that comes with this move from the “Middle East” are better Time Magazine covers. Covers that let the world know that Iran is about more than just bombs, sectarian fights, and human right violations. Words such as “dictators” may be replaced with “strongman” “visionary.” So life is better there by default.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SheaMMd8H5g
So good luck with this daring escape, and let’s hope to see you soon in West Asia where you belong. Hopefully a few cellmates will be willing to come with you. Good luck!
