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Asghar the liberator
... of ourselves

May 4, 2001
The Iranian

Beh naameh khodemaan, Asghar Shah
Beh naameh Ammeh khaanoomeh-maan
va Beh naameh Abbas Aghaa rafigheh shafigeh-maan!

Ghorbaanetaan gardam,

Az ghadeem goftan "vasf-ol eysh, nesf-ol eysh" (description of pleasure, is half the pleasure). Of course, if you do the "vasf" over and over, at least mathematically speaking, you may approach the limit for complete "eysh". I guess that is one form of self-satisfaction, among other, more routine methods.

Which brings Asghar Shah to the royalist camp -- the OTHER royalist camp, the one where people have dreams of being vazir or vakil in the upcoming Empire of Iran. Hahahahaha. Unfortunately Asghar Shah has no court and no nokars whatsoever since nobody applied for the job openings. The round-table that was supposed to be full of knights, is currently used for sandali-aazi with the baro-bachehaa.

So this is an appeal to all the other-camp royalists. Come on guys. You need to support and follow me. I am the chosen one. Mr. Hakhamaneshi (you know, Cyrus) came to MY dream and told ME to do this and that.

I wonder if the Hakhamaneshis have any family who immigrated to the U.S. as soon as Essi's gang showed up at the door. Imagine meeting one of these Hakhamaneshis in America.

"Hi I am Asghar Shah"

"HELLO! I am Chuck Hakhamaneshi. Nice to meet you!"

You can bet if there were any Chuck, Bob or Melissa Hakhamaneshis, they would be supporting Asghar Shah's efforts in liberating Iran. We don't know exactly what we are trying to liberate but hey, somebody needs to be the liberator. (Not to be confused with marhoom Liberace.)

We need to liberate ourselves from ourselves! Our glorious shaahanshaahi history is full of misdeeds, kharaab-kaari, dozdi and bokosh bokosh. Let's just do an objective performance appraisal of ALL our rulers over the last 2,500 years. Let's start with what Cyrus jaan did. Even though some of whathe did was thru serious bokosh-bokosh, we'll treat it as okay for now.

(Hey! If Shahanshaah does bokosh-bokosh it is okay! Stop your liberal humanitarian whining! It was a necessity at the time! You were not there. You don't know the geo-political landscape! If Cyrus killed, beh man cheh! Apart from the fact that he was the one who came to my dream and declared me Asghar Shah, what does it matter what else he did! Taazeh kheili ham kam kosht! baayad bishtar mikosht!)

Back then Iran was a huge empire. From India to Egypt and from the Persian Gulf to the Aral Sea. Iran was a superpower - at times the only one. Now everyone wants to emigrate to the West -- well almost everyone. If Iran were a company like General Electric (world's largest company), it is ending up as the dokoon-e sar-e koocheh.

Guess who blew it. Acre by acre. Piece by piece. Treaty by treaty? We have everyone to blame except ourselves. Mongols did this. British did that. Arabs did both.

Nations have always competed and fought for resources, land, money, fields, rivers, and everything earthly. This is a given. So we had a lot and thru magnificent mismanagement lost most of it. Today's Iran is less than half of the Persian Empire of 2,500 years ago. Who do we blame? Space aliens?

It is our culture, way of thinking and spectacular "shakhsiyat-parasti"; worshiping some individual while thinking everyone else is an idiot. No individual is beyond questioning. No authority is absolute or supreme. Because no human is absolute or supreme.

Leaders are always necessary. But it is the unchecked, blinded-by-power leaders who are the danger. Appointed-for-life leaders are the danger. Sons and grandsons of those leaders are even worse. Hereditary power has got to go.

I am qualified to be the one and only Shah, but junior is on his own -- he has to prove himself, beyond the fact that daddy is king. And when I go to heaven, he can't claim power as a birthright. What a joke.

"So Chuck, what did you inherit from your ancestors?"

"Well, it could have been an empire. But there was a loser in the family who gave it away."

Beh Asghar Shah imaan biyaavarid. Beh naf'eh shomaast. Otherwise you can continue the "other" royalist mental masturbation.

Vasf-ol eysh, nesf-ol eysh.

Asghar Shah

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