America * FAQ * Write for The Iranian
* Editorial policy

"Duh, who do we support if America bombs Iran?"

By Peyvand Khorsandi
February 6, 2002
The Iranian

George Bush's recent speech (a communication device he's yet to master) about the "Axis of Evil" was worrying less for the threats it contained than the question of identity it posed some Iranian-Americans: "Duh, who do we support if America bombs Iran?"

Their answer of course is America, but before reaching this conclusion certain pro-Bush Iranians have had to rationalise the prospect of their country of origin being attacked by the US as a just cause. But such apologists for American imperialism have first to calculate how many relatives they have left in Iran.

Case: Dr Jon Mashangzadeh, Orange County, Pay or Die Medical Institute:

"I have dozens of cousins trying to study their way out of Iran, a grandmother I've barely ever met, uncles with mental disorders -- you get the picture. Love them as I do, I could easily think I'd hardly miss them if they were all blown to smithereens by a daisy-cutter."

Amazon Honor System[Such thinking precipitates "To Hell With Iran" syndrome.]

"Uncle Hasan and Aunt Jamileh are stuck in Iran which is ruled by the ruthless and horrible medieval Moslem men in beards. If it wasn't for those horrible men we wouldn't be here in the first place. Bomb the fuckers. Bomb them and Uncle Hasan. Sorry amoo, survival of the fittest, you're ass has to go, won't make much difference to the rest of us. As for my cousins: guys, I know you're young, I love you, but Deepak Chopra assures me that there is world beyond here where you too can prosper. The sooner you go the better.

"What matters post-September 11 -- what really, really matters -- is my condo, my health insurance, my ever-so-hard-earned pay checks, bank manager, security for my wife and children's star-spangled future, my web-porn subscription and plastic surgery to keep us ever younger to enjoy our privileged life a tad longer."

[This leads to "Pom-Pom Brain Syndrome" where the patient exhibits a Mike Tyson-like grip on reality.]

"Iranians who come here should appreciate that in their own country they could be hung or jailed for criticizing the government. What gives them -- gives anyone -- the right to challenge what the President says here in the States?

"Iranians like that give us all a bad name. They appreciate nothing. They take everything this country has to offer and they want more. It's greed: give them freedom of speech and they want to use it! There is no place for greed in America.

"What did Iran ever give the world anyway? Americans invented Shakespeare, Yeats and line dancing. It makes me proud... You know what I say to the critical, liberal Iranians scum who happen to have US college degrees? I say go back to your medieval country or we'll stick you in Camp X-Ray."

God bless Enronica.
Comment for The Iranian letters section
Comment for the writer Peyvand Khorsandi


By Peyvand Khorsandi

Hey! Molla! Leave teachers alone
Apologies to Pink Floyd

Latest news
War on terrorism

I'm afraid, pops
"Dad, this the end of the world?


I just felt the urge
I can't say if many Americans agree with me, but
By Dave Marshall

Yes. "Axis of Evil"
Let's call it what it is
By Ali Sarshar

Not our friend
Iran's oppressive autocracy cannot be America's ally
By Ramin Ahmadi

Give me a break
When countries act like schoolyard bullies
By Sepehr Haddad

Iran next?
U.S. military attack would prolong the reign of Iran's despotic rulers
By Shahriar Zangeneh


* Latest

* Arts & lit

* All sections

Copyright © Iranian.com All Rights Reserved. Legal Terms for more information contact: times@iranian.com
Web design by BTC Consultants
Internet server Global Publishing Group