Prenuptul agreement; necessary or evil necessity?

by Faramarz_Fateh

More and more highly educated professionals in S. California or elsewhere in U.S. and Europe are getting married past their mid thirties. There are many reasons behind this.

First thing is that men and women want to "experiece" more of life's offering before settling down. For many, specially men, this means having sex with as many women as they can; because nowadays, you can. Secondly, it is so expensive to attend college, pay loans, buy a starter home and if you live in LA to pay for a wedding that most guys need to work several years past graduation just to save up and/or pay for these things. Thereare ofcourse many other reasons for postponements; travelling, family obligations, personal goals...etc

So what happens, the guy ends up at 34, 35 or 38 before he really starts thinking about marriage. At this age, the guy now has a house and a couple hundred Gs in the bank or stocks. So he starts wanting to "protect" his assets.

Almost the same thing is true for women; thank God we have so many highly educated professional women in our community these days; lawyers, dentists, doctors, engineers etc. By the time many of these women finish school and really start looking for a husband, they are 34, 35! But now, they think hell, why should I trust a guy if I'm starting a dental office with great $$ potential. If we get divorced after 3 or 5 years, I have to share 50% of my pratice with him. Are you kidding me?!

Hence, the subject of prenuptul agreement. According to a couple of Iranian lawyers in LA, 3-4 out of 10 professional couples in their mid or late 30s now are drawing up prenups; extensive complicated ones. I don't know how this compares with the American society.

Thank God I married a couple decades ago....I don't think I could have gone through all this stuff if I was in the market for marriage.



Los Angeles




more from Faramarz_Fateh

Prenup is good

by EDS on

The idea of making it out to be evil is at best an uninformed reaction to what is against the existing cultural norms and at worst it may be dishonest.

Prenuptual agreement is good for marriage and for me a must. I am happily married with a prenuptual agreement, thank God, in case you are wondering. The problem is that it is viewed as what happens after divorce. Rather prenuptuals must be executed upon marriage and carried through in case of divorce. For example, if the agreement is for a property to be jointy shared then upon marriage it must be held in the couples name. One should not wait until divorce to do this. Further, as major changes happen during marriage, the prenup can and should be updated.

It doesn't matter if you are rich or you are not, it is a must.

The reason is simple. Next to having children, financials is the most importand issue a couple deals with. You will help your marriage immensely by knowing what each others expectations towards each other are. If you are not comfortabe enough to discuss this with each other and come to an agreement then you are not really ready to get married.

And yes, of course it helps with divorce. There is nothing evil about divorce. Again it is a misplaced cultural or religious stigma. Sometimes it is in the best interst of the couple to divorce. It is just that they should not enter into this hastily because they will both later find out that it is a big deal.

Thus it is the responsibility of the couple to have worked out their financials before divorce when it is the absolute worst time to decide these things. More importantly, it is totally unacceptable to burden the state to decide what they should do with their financials for them. In fact, ethically, society should not recognize marriages that do not have a prenuptual agreement.

Yes of course love and care is part of marriage, but there is no conflict between love and care and a prenuptual agreement. In fact it is the opposite. If you love and care for a person you will wish to have a prenup to be open with them on your condition and expectations. Where there is a conflict is in untruthful exaggeration and worshiping of love.


Iranian mother, you either need psychological help or

by Faramarz_Fateh on

Dear "Iranian Mother",

For someone who despises me and my writing, you are sure quick to be one of the first few to comment on the garbage I write.

You either need psychological help or you need to improve your understanding of English language.

My piece was not about my brother or his friends, nor was it about men marrying younger women. Although I agree with your comment about no free rides for men who marry women 20 years their junior.

Good luck!


Prenups are very sensible

by Anonymous77 (not verified) on

I'm in favour of prenups, especially if children from previous relationships and more children are intended and they also provide security and clarity in case of illness and death, not just in cases of divorce.
Best to leave most in a trust rather than a murder mystery.


Iranian men deserve what they get!

by Iranian Mother (not verified) on

If a woman works and earns a living, when she divorces a man she won't take any more than she deserves out of the marriage, more or less half of the joint assets. Women 'take men to the cleaners' who did not contribute financially to the household, but are all of a sudden entitled to half of it at divorce. This means that when men are marrying women who are not wage earning professionals, they should have a prenuptual agreement to safeguard their assets at divorce.

Now, let's see who these non-working women are? Many of them are beautiful younger women who used their good looks to their advantage in the marriage as their assets. Good luck to Iranian men who may think they can marry a beautiful young women AFTER she has signed a prenuptiul agreement! So long as Iranian men think they "deserve" to marry a lot younger, beautiful women, they are not only going to pay for it at divorce, they will have to pay all the way through the marriage in expensive presents, jewels and things. Do do ta chahar ta! Find yourself a good decent partner, or go buy yourself a wife. If you buy her, then there is no such thing as a free ride! You'l have to pay for it. Get it Mr. Fateh? Now go tell your brother and his friends to never consider importing a young beautiful virgin wife from Iran, because those are the ones who have cleaned men out at the inevitable divorce time. The only remedy for this stupidity is half of their assets. Case closed.


Equality means . . .

by Javadagha on

Dear FF; are you mareez or you want to start a fight?  Since you asked for it, here are my few cents: If there is not going to be any child, a marriage is a mistake.  In American system, men are taken to cleaners in the name of equality and left basically with nothing.  (Fortunately, there have been few cases, where women have been taken to cleaners).   Women want marriage unless the men are useless and carefree that have nothing to their names.  As we discussed before, some mentioned that there are men who spend money on their watches and nice cars.  I know bunch of men who do not spend money on luxuries to save for a worthy cause.  Yes, there are men who care about their surroundings and do not waste money. In prenuptial agreements, both sides must have lawyers.  Since the majority of women spend their money, prenuptial agreements are some help but not good enough.  Why marry to worry about who has what? Equality MEANS: bring the same amount of money, spend the same amount of money, eat the same amount of food, and sleep the same amount of time.  Work the same amount of time.  Drive the same amount of time. Women want 50-50.  but in real life, women spend their fifty and then ask for 50% of poor man’s belonging which will be 75% - 25%.  For the majority of women, 75% - 25% means equality. Women have it good, that is why they live longer than men, but they still want more.  Many retail stores say, 80-90% of their shoppers are women.  Whose money are these people spending?   In my life, NO female have paid for my or our dinner mainly because of my upbringing.  Men pay for dinner, men open the door, bluh, bluh.   Men bring flowers.  Men buy jewelry, bluh, bluh.  After doing all these, we get lectured on equality.  Hellllloooow?  You want equality?  See the above definition.   Avoid marrying if you can, ESPECIALLY if you are not going to have a child.  Heck, I know many who have children but are not married. I suppose everything goes in US of A: land of gold diggers. 

Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez

I shall have to rent the movie.

by Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez on

I must say that I have never heard of this movie  before. How interesting.


I just looked it up on youtube sure enough they had a clip with Julie Andrew. I love her acting. Guess what it was made in 1968 and I was born in 1968. How delightful. :o)

Thoroughly Modern Millie

Solh va Doosti


bajenaghe naghi

Natalia jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

I did not say that. Please get married. it is good for you. What I meant was in the same way that a pill does not effect your enjoyment of food, prenuptial agreement will not effect your marriage. So you are so modern just like the movie Thoroughly Modern Millie :-) but we will call it Thoroughly Modern Natalia :-)

Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez

Actually bajenaghe naghi jan,

by Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez on

I happen to be accultured and not assimilated to the American culture. I am a hybrid so to speak. I have the best of both worlds without losing myself. I have a modern view on many things, education, career,........ but when it comes to courtship, I still have a lot of the traditional values that were severely socialized into me as a child.

I have not been able to break free.

Now, I did not understand  the food scenario. Were you  trying to say that unless, I accept a prenuptial agreement then I will not get married? I guess then I will remain single. :o)

Solh va Doosti


bajenaghe naghi

natalia jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

I think it will benefit you to change your attitute since you live in this country. There is a famous saying that says in greece do the same things as the greeks are doing. so in america you need to do as the americans are doing if you don't want to lose your shirt. Also, if you are going for a big meal and you think you may get stomach ache, it may be wise and prudent (my new word for today) to have a Pepsid or something...just in case. Having the pill will not have ANY effect on your enjoyment of the meal, I promise you natalia jan. 

Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez


by Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez on

Personally, I plan to run off to Vegas to get married. I'm not spending thousands of dollars on a wedding and deal with the nightmare of coordinating a wedding. I could use the  money and time on the honey moon :o) instead of  stressing out with the wedding.

I'm not sure about the prenuptial agreement. In my culture, we don't do that. It is seen as you planning ahead to get out of the marriage before it even begins.

Solh va Doosti